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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my husband is wrong for reporting my sister for benefit fraud?

723 replies

Rockyhardplace25 · 05/05/2025 17:49

So back story:

My sister is a lot younger than me. There is a 15 year age gap- so I basically raised her as my mother was struggling with an alcohol addiction and wasn’t fit to until she went into rehab when my sister was 9. We have a very, strong close relationship.
Sister has also had her own issues with drugs- but when she found out she was pregnant with my niece 8 years ago, went to rehab and has sorted her life out. To some extent.
She has a much older partner, the gap is nearly 30 years, who she met in her addiction who has also, again to some extent, sorted his life out. In that aspect- I take my hat off to both of them.
This man was married with adult children and got my sister pregnant after a one night stand. He left his wife and moved in with my sister. His “other family” have completely cut him off apart from his eldest child- who, from what I can work out, uses him as a bank.

Me and DH have one child, DD who is now a 11, Children are expensive- there’s no two ways about it. With clothing, school trips, days out etc it does add up. DSIS has a 7 year old and is now pregnant with a second child who we are all very excited about.

DSIS doesn’t work and claims sickness benefits, her partner does. Up until recently we assumed she was reporting his income as part of her claim- but we have found out through a slip of the tounge she isn’t. She isn’t even declaring he lives with her, which he does full time. His bank account, car and other things that could link him back to DSIS house is registered to his son’s address. A son he gives £1500 a month too.

DSIS was brought a house when she turned 18 (we have same mum, different dads) so solely pays the mortgage and a lump of the bills herself topped up by her partner. If he/the kids need anything he will go out and buy it but doesn’t directly contribute to the monthly running of the home. Which has pissed me off if I’m honest.

DH is even more pissed off- feels she is taking the piss, as is he, she is committing fraud and why is it fair we both work our arses off to pay our monthly bills when she’s getting it handed to her on a plate but wouldn’t if she was honest. DH thinks if she does that then her partner will leave her because at the moment he’s pretty much living the life of Riley with no expenses.

Hes admitted to me over the weekend he’s reported her for benefit fraud. I don’t know how I feel- I keep flitting from one thing to the next- but ultimately she is my sister and I am worried she will get into serious shit.

OP posts:
2025meme · 05/05/2025 17:53

I feel she shouldn’t do benefit fraud millions of us work and struggle
she’s a addict even when clean she’s one so she lives in a world of doing things she shouldn’t - benefit states is for those in need she isn’t so that’s why we have those who need getting less as fraud

If she never gets stopped how will she learn she can’t keep doing things bad

Greenlittecat · 05/05/2025 17:54

I'd be furious with my husband if he did this. Yes, what she's doing is wrong but it's not what family does to eachother.

Overthebow · 05/05/2025 17:54

If she’s actually committing fraud your DH did the right thing.

NicolaCasanova · 05/05/2025 17:54

Your DH is NBU. Your sister is.

Vaxtable · 05/05/2025 17:54

Good for him why should she cheat the benefit system. Her partner can sort out any shortfall now

its people like your sinister that gets those claiming benefits a bad name.the great majority don’t cheat the system but get tarred with the same brush

nahthatsnotforme · 05/05/2025 17:54

I’m a bit on the fence tbh. On one hand I think fair play to your husband.. I can’t bear benefit cheats. On the other I don’t know if I could do it myself.

PicaK · 05/05/2025 17:55

Think your DH did the right thing. I'm on benefits.

Vaxtable · 05/05/2025 17:56

Greenlittecat · 05/05/2025 17:54

I'd be furious with my husband if he did this. Yes, what she's doing is wrong but it's not what family does to eachother.

Would you feel the same if your sister was stealing say from a family member? Because that’s what she is doing stealing and anyone who knows and allows it to continue is also stealing

toomuchfaff · 05/05/2025 17:57

So you're ok with her doing illegal stuff just because she's kin? Anyone could be reporting her, neighbours, other friends, the ex... That's the thing with benefit fraud, it doesn't have a time limit. Someone could dob you in for 2015 and if it was enough for them to chase it, they would.

Maybe think about encouraging her to sort out her finances, make it so she isnt falsely claiming.

Shadowsunray · 05/05/2025 17:57

She is cheating us all out of money by committing benefit fraud. I'm pleased he reported her.

rwalker · 05/05/2025 17:58

Fair play to him tbh I like to think I would but I’d probably bottle out

steff13 · 05/05/2025 17:58

I think your husband did the right thing. And she was bought a house.

Greenartywitch · 05/05/2025 17:58

Your sister's children will be the one who end up paying the price if you husband reports this.

Do you want her to fall back into addiction if her life falls apart again?

Yes benefit fraud is wrong but personally I would not live with a man who snitches on my own sister.

He also did it without speaking to you first and thinking about the potential consequences.

toomuchfaff · 05/05/2025 17:59

Greenlittecat · 05/05/2025 17:54

I'd be furious with my husband if he did this. Yes, what she's doing is wrong but it's not what family does to eachother.

this is the DH sibling unwed partner... hardly tied by blood bonds. Its not Game of Thrones

ohmondew · 05/05/2025 17:59

I'd divorce the petty bastard. Is he always so obsessed with what other people are up to?

Branleuse · 05/05/2025 18:00

I would seriously consider divorce if my husband did this

boiledrice · 05/05/2025 18:01

Of course he shouldn’t

What the actual fuck is wrong with people?!

amylou8 · 05/05/2025 18:01

Your sister is clearly in the wrong, but I'd be absolutely livid with DH. Actually I'd leave him.

amylou8 · 05/05/2025 18:03

And I'd tell my sister what he'd done so she had chance to get her ducks in a row.

Outrageistheopiateofthemasses · 05/05/2025 18:03

Team husband here. He absolutely did the right thing. Fraud affects everyone.

You can't just let former addicts get away with crime because they might relapse if they face a problem in the future. That's ridiculous.

Greenlittecat · 05/05/2025 18:04

toomuchfaff · 05/05/2025 17:59

this is the DH sibling unwed partner... hardly tied by blood bonds. Its not Game of Thrones

No, it's real life and could have serious consequences.

Anoisagusaris · 05/05/2025 18:04

boiledrice · 05/05/2025 18:01

Of course he shouldn’t

What the actual fuck is wrong with people?!

What is wrong with people who steal from the State?

PlutoCat · 05/05/2025 18:04

His bank account, car and other things that could link him back to DSIS house is registered to his son’s address

How do you know all this? If it's the case, DWP will have trouble proving that they are LTAHAW.

Also, some sickness benefits aren't means tested.

Megifer · 05/05/2025 18:05

I'd never forgive him for this op. He's reported her because he's jealous. What a complete twat.

Megifer · 05/05/2025 18:06

And agree you should absolutely tell your Dsis so she can "prepare", as it were......

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