To think my husband is wrong for reporting my sister for benefit fraud?

[Rockyhardplace25]

So back story:

My sister is a lot younger than me. There is a 15 year age gap- so I basically raised her as my mother was struggling with an alcohol addiction and wasn’t fit to until she went into rehab when my sister was 9. We have a very, strong close relationship.
Sister has also had her own issues with drugs- but when she found out she was pregnant with my niece 8 years ago, went to rehab and has sorted her life out. To some extent.
She has a much older partner, the gap is nearly 30 years, who she met in her addiction who has also, again to some extent, sorted his life out. In that aspect- I take my hat off to both of them.
This man was married with adult children and got my sister pregnant after a one night stand. He left his wife and moved in with my sister. His “other family” have completely cut him off apart from his eldest child- who, from what I can work out, uses him as a bank.

Me and DH have one child, DD who is now a 11, Children are expensive- there’s no two ways about it. With clothing, school trips, days out etc it does add up. DSIS has a 7 year old and is now pregnant with a second child who we are all very excited about.

DSIS doesn’t work and claims sickness benefits, her partner does. Up until recently we assumed she was reporting his income as part of her claim- but we have found out through a slip of the tounge she isn’t. She isn’t even declaring he lives with her, which he does full time. His bank account, car and other things that could link him back to DSIS house is registered to his son’s address. A son he gives £1500 a month too.

DSIS was brought a house when she turned 18 (we have same mum, different dads) so solely pays the mortgage and a lump of the bills herself topped up by her partner. If he/the kids need anything he will go out and buy it but doesn’t directly contribute to the monthly running of the home. Which has pissed me off if I’m honest.

DH is even more pissed off- feels she is taking the piss, as is he, she is committing fraud and why is it fair we both work our arses off to pay our monthly bills when she’s getting it handed to her on a plate but wouldn’t if she was honest. DH thinks if she does that then her partner will leave her because at the moment he’s pretty much living the life of Riley with no expenses.

Hes admitted to me over the weekend he’s reported her for benefit fraud. I don’t know how I feel- I keep flitting from one thing to the next- but ultimately she is my sister and I am worried she will get into serious shit.

No. The family help out when and where needed. It’s called support. Not all disabled people are bed bound and incapable, and a little support in a lot of cases is all it takes. The lack of inclusivity and compassion on this thread is breathtaking.

I am not just talking about benefits when I say that if you can't look after yourself independently. Someone who relies on other people to get dressed or go to the toilet is probably not going to be able to look after a baby. Obviously if their partner can do it and the family supports themselves financially it's fine but I don't think it's fair to expect taxpayers to pay.

We’re talking at cross purposes, so I’ll leave it there.

And they are antisocial arseholes for doing it, and deserve to be reported as fraudsters if they are frauding, as the OP's sister is.

The fraud in the OP is the sister not doing a joint claim of UC with her partner. She is not committing fraud by being on benefits and pregnant.

I didn’t say she was.

But OP said she was off work long term claiming to be sick, so the discussion turned to why someone “too sick to work” was producing even MORE offspring for the rest of us to support.

Keep up.

I don't think it is relevant really, and a lot of comments about it are tipping into ableist territory.
Working and parenting are different, and have different skillsets. Disabled people get a lot of support with parenting. Not so much in work, or even getting work.

Working is not one "skillset".

I didn't say it was. But on MN if someone has kids, it means they can work. That is not always the case.

Do you have children?

For many disabled people it is. A disabled parent who is getting family support with child care and doing OK within the home environment can’t necessarily translate those skills into the workplace. Because it’s not just a case of whether they can do the job - it’s how much support they need in the workplace to do that job, and whether that support is available.

Why is that relevant ?

Why not? If you have the cognitive, functional processing skills and physical abilities to independently care for children, why can't these skills transfer to employability when they're in full time education?

You put it better than me.
I know several disabled mums who do a fucking amazing job of parenting. They can't work, but have a lot of support from spouse and other family too.

And this matters, how?

Because there may be other elements of the disability or condition that don’t impact while they’re in their own home and looking after children, but would have a significant impact in the workplace and require support at work. And it’s the support element that’s the problem because it’s not always available or reasonable.

It doesn’t, it’s goading.

Yep, it makes me want to come out with something like "I am not allowed to have children as I have known cannibalistic tendencies". Silly questions get silly answers.

Scroll up to see more of the same. The same poster derailed the thread with the argument that the BF fraudulently moving in with the DSIS wasn’t costing the tax payer anything extra because he wasn’t officially there !!

It is relevant because the fact you are insisting that someone can be able to look after a baby but not able to do a job makes me think you have no idea how hard it is to look after a baby. Many jobs are far easier both physically and mentally.

I have explained above. It's I interesting that the two people arguing that someone can be perfectly capable of looking after a baby but can't do any paid job don't have children.

If I had a kid, I would get a shit ton of support from social services and my family.
I can't take a social worker or my mum to work with me.
As it is, I have never wanted them anyway.

I know of people who work and are not able to look after kids too. Had their children removed due to neglect... they thought love was enough to raise a kid.

So you would be fine having a baby because other people would be doing the work (whether they like it or not) and the tax payer would be paying for some of it.

Which proves my point that a lot if jobs are easier than looking after a baby.

If I really wanted a kid... then yes. I know I would would get a lot of support from MH teams and social services. My family would help too.
I am unable to work, but with the right support, it would not be impossible for me to raise a kid if I wanted to.

As it it, I don't like children, so this wont apply anyway.