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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my husband is wrong for reporting my sister for benefit fraud?

723 replies

Rockyhardplace25 · 05/05/2025 17:49

So back story:

My sister is a lot younger than me. There is a 15 year age gap- so I basically raised her as my mother was struggling with an alcohol addiction and wasn’t fit to until she went into rehab when my sister was 9. We have a very, strong close relationship.
Sister has also had her own issues with drugs- but when she found out she was pregnant with my niece 8 years ago, went to rehab and has sorted her life out. To some extent.
She has a much older partner, the gap is nearly 30 years, who she met in her addiction who has also, again to some extent, sorted his life out. In that aspect- I take my hat off to both of them.
This man was married with adult children and got my sister pregnant after a one night stand. He left his wife and moved in with my sister. His “other family” have completely cut him off apart from his eldest child- who, from what I can work out, uses him as a bank.

Me and DH have one child, DD who is now a 11, Children are expensive- there’s no two ways about it. With clothing, school trips, days out etc it does add up. DSIS has a 7 year old and is now pregnant with a second child who we are all very excited about.

DSIS doesn’t work and claims sickness benefits, her partner does. Up until recently we assumed she was reporting his income as part of her claim- but we have found out through a slip of the tounge she isn’t. She isn’t even declaring he lives with her, which he does full time. His bank account, car and other things that could link him back to DSIS house is registered to his son’s address. A son he gives £1500 a month too.

DSIS was brought a house when she turned 18 (we have same mum, different dads) so solely pays the mortgage and a lump of the bills herself topped up by her partner. If he/the kids need anything he will go out and buy it but doesn’t directly contribute to the monthly running of the home. Which has pissed me off if I’m honest.

DH is even more pissed off- feels she is taking the piss, as is he, she is committing fraud and why is it fair we both work our arses off to pay our monthly bills when she’s getting it handed to her on a plate but wouldn’t if she was honest. DH thinks if she does that then her partner will leave her because at the moment he’s pretty much living the life of Riley with no expenses.

Hes admitted to me over the weekend he’s reported her for benefit fraud. I don’t know how I feel- I keep flitting from one thing to the next- but ultimately she is my sister and I am worried she will get into serious shit.

OP posts:
SouthLondonMum22 · 05/05/2025 18:37

I wouldn't be with someone who snitched on my sister behind my back. To not even discuss it with me first? I'd be furious.

AmIthatSpringy · 05/05/2025 18:37

The only mistake DH did was telling you

and for all those posters telling you to leave him -
he's better off. Who would want a family of crims

Catpuss66 · 05/05/2025 18:37

Greenartywitch · 05/05/2025 17:58

Your sister's children will be the one who end up paying the price if you husband reports this.

Do you want her to fall back into addiction if her life falls apart again?

Yes benefit fraud is wrong but personally I would not live with a man who snitches on my own sister.

He also did it without speaking to you first and thinking about the potential consequences.

Edited

She is a grown adult. Stop guilt tripping the poster. The sister has choices she chose fraud to fund her lifestyle. I would actually snitch on someone who is defrauding the system. The consequences are the sister's problem not the OP.

InterP · 05/05/2025 18:37

Yep, well done him.

Benefits should be support for those in need. She isn't.

Her partner isn't either if he can give his DS £1500 per month.

raven0007 · 05/05/2025 18:37

If the partner has all of his bills etc linked at his sons address, he is giving his son £1500 a month, not contributing to your sister’s household financially the DWP will most likely not be able to prove he is living there. That £1500 a month will look like payments towards the son’s household.

Bobbie12345 · 05/05/2025 18:37

Maybe you think you should both give her few hundred a month directly rather than her having to go through the benefits system instead? Make her life easier. Or you could give it to her partner so he can enjoy his hobbies more.
She is committing fraud. Your husband is paying for it through his taxes. Hell yes he can report her. Why haven’t you reported her too??

MrsPlantagenet · 05/05/2025 18:37

How spiteful and petty of him. It says a lot about his character. Her situation makes absolutely no difference to him.

Lovethystupidneighbour · 05/05/2025 18:38

I echo PP. What your sister is doing is wrong, but the fact he’s done this behind your back is a huge betrayal to you.

Wakemeupbe4yougogo · 05/05/2025 18:39

Your sister is in the wrong. Not your DH.

Benefit fraud costs everyone.

Butchyrestingface · 05/05/2025 18:39

Why do you think your husband told you this, @Rockyhardplace25 ? Do you think he thought you'd agree and score Brownie Points with you for doing so? Or does he actually want a divorce?

WildflowerConstellations · 05/05/2025 18:40

I'm a bit confused though, it does sound a bit like your sister is going to have to pay back the DWP a huge amount of money which doesn't sound hugely fair if he isn't actually contributing to the household. It sounds like he is contributing more to his DS household where he is pretending to live!

I get it's dishonest as he is living there but surely the reason why not declaring a partner is bad is because they're bringing in money?

Bambamhoohoo · 05/05/2025 18:41

I would never forgive my husband for this. I’d hope that I had the ability to leave him.

this doesn’t negate his wrong benefit fraud is- but reporting someone so close to you is unforgivable imo

Silvers11 · 05/05/2025 18:41

@Rockyhardplace25 -

How can your sister be paying a mortgage if she was bought a house?

Not all 'Sickness' Benefits are means tested either. Especially if you meant Disability Benefits. So what does she get? Are you sure she actually is committing benefit fraud at all?

If she is though, I am with your husband. Loads of disabled people on here absolutely terrified what is going to happen to them when the recent 'tightening up' of disability benefits was discussed in the news. The benefits Bill is enormous and those who are defrauding the system are stealing not only from the 'taxpayers' but from those who genuinely need state help. It sounds like her Partner can afford to keep them if she loses any payments. Unlike some people?

brunettemic · 05/05/2025 18:41

So I think everyone agrees that benefit fraud is wrong. But if some are saying you don’t do that “family”, then what is the line you might do it…no family at all? What about a friend, many of whom are often more important than family? Friend of a friend? Random person?

Megifer · 05/05/2025 18:43

brunettemic · 05/05/2025 18:41

So I think everyone agrees that benefit fraud is wrong. But if some are saying you don’t do that “family”, then what is the line you might do it…no family at all? What about a friend, many of whom are often more important than family? Friend of a friend? Random person?

I wouldn't report anyone but if I had to choose - random person, or someone I hated.

Catpuss66 · 05/05/2025 18:44

JLou08 · 05/05/2025 18:20

I think that's a huge betrayal. I would never do this to my DH's family without consulting him. I wouldn't do it at all in this situation. Your sister camt work because of disability, she is an ex-addict who had a traumatic childhood trying to raise a child and keep a roof over their head.
How will you and DH feel if your sisters benefits are suspended, she can't pay her mortgage, she and your niece/nephew end up homeless, sister ends up on drugs due to the stress, children's social care involved, niece/nephews life completely turned upside down with a huge amount of emotional damage? Given her vulnerabilities, this is all very likely. Is feeling smug about reporting benefit fraud out of envy that DH and yourself work hard and she doesn't worth all that?
I don't think I could forgive my DH if he did that to my family.

How would the sister feel if the OP person couldn’t afford to pay her mortgage, sure she wouldn’t give a fig. She is an ex addict who chooses to defraud your tax payer money….unless you don’t work so then you don’t pay tax.
no sure why people think it is jealousy that has caused him to report it, more like he is angry, sense of it not being fair but not jealousy.

UndermyShoeJoe · 05/05/2025 18:44

Maybe people shouldn’t basically brag about defrauding the state and the people who pay taxes.

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 05/05/2025 18:44

I’m 100% with your DH !!!!

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 05/05/2025 18:45

DSIS has a 7 year old and is now pregnant with a second child who we are all very excited about.

Yes because this is an ideal situation to bring a new baby into. I voted YABU for that comment.

Bambamhoohoo · 05/05/2025 18:45

brunettemic · 05/05/2025 18:41

So I think everyone agrees that benefit fraud is wrong. But if some are saying you don’t do that “family”, then what is the line you might do it…no family at all? What about a friend, many of whom are often more important than family? Friend of a friend? Random person?

Someone I hated?

MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 05/05/2025 18:45

I’m not looking to pick a fight but all of you saying OP should leave her DH for this, do you not have a problem with stealing? Because that’s what defrauding the benefits system is. It’s intentionally depriving others by theft. There isn’t a magical porridge pot that the money comes from and it gives genuine claimants a bad name.

I hate thieves.

Crikeyalmighty · 05/05/2025 18:46

I’m not sure I would have done it but I would be hugely annoyed yes- I probably would have had a word first and say ‘you could get in real shit for this ‘ -you need to stop claiming - if the bloke is giving away£1500 a month he clearly isn’t exactly short of a bob or two - my ex partner had some friends many years ago who were doing similar and I did just this - I think they got the point that to me it was ‘off’ - they used to actually laugh about it as if it was a big game of ‘let’s fuck the state over. ‘ and yet were the kind these days who would be saying how crap everything was, moan about immigrants etc.

ThatsNotMyTeen · 05/05/2025 18:46

I think he’s quite right, the mistake he made was telling you.

Any consequences that come of it are on her, not your husband.

UndermyShoeJoe · 05/05/2025 18:46

I mean she’s not really fixed her life up has she. Drugs to rehab having a baby with a married man and defrauding the state. Lovely.

TeamMemberNumber8 · 05/05/2025 18:46

He should have discussed it with you first and you both should have discussed it with her too. Reporting her in itself isnt wrong but why did he feel the need to go behind your back?