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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my husband is wrong for reporting my sister for benefit fraud?

723 replies

Rockyhardplace25 · 05/05/2025 17:49

So back story:

My sister is a lot younger than me. There is a 15 year age gap- so I basically raised her as my mother was struggling with an alcohol addiction and wasn’t fit to until she went into rehab when my sister was 9. We have a very, strong close relationship.
Sister has also had her own issues with drugs- but when she found out she was pregnant with my niece 8 years ago, went to rehab and has sorted her life out. To some extent.
She has a much older partner, the gap is nearly 30 years, who she met in her addiction who has also, again to some extent, sorted his life out. In that aspect- I take my hat off to both of them.
This man was married with adult children and got my sister pregnant after a one night stand. He left his wife and moved in with my sister. His “other family” have completely cut him off apart from his eldest child- who, from what I can work out, uses him as a bank.

Me and DH have one child, DD who is now a 11, Children are expensive- there’s no two ways about it. With clothing, school trips, days out etc it does add up. DSIS has a 7 year old and is now pregnant with a second child who we are all very excited about.

DSIS doesn’t work and claims sickness benefits, her partner does. Up until recently we assumed she was reporting his income as part of her claim- but we have found out through a slip of the tounge she isn’t. She isn’t even declaring he lives with her, which he does full time. His bank account, car and other things that could link him back to DSIS house is registered to his son’s address. A son he gives £1500 a month too.

DSIS was brought a house when she turned 18 (we have same mum, different dads) so solely pays the mortgage and a lump of the bills herself topped up by her partner. If he/the kids need anything he will go out and buy it but doesn’t directly contribute to the monthly running of the home. Which has pissed me off if I’m honest.

DH is even more pissed off- feels she is taking the piss, as is he, she is committing fraud and why is it fair we both work our arses off to pay our monthly bills when she’s getting it handed to her on a plate but wouldn’t if she was honest. DH thinks if she does that then her partner will leave her because at the moment he’s pretty much living the life of Riley with no expenses.

Hes admitted to me over the weekend he’s reported her for benefit fraud. I don’t know how I feel- I keep flitting from one thing to the next- but ultimately she is my sister and I am worried she will get into serious shit.

OP posts:
NewPinkJacket · 05/05/2025 18:07

The only one who will truly suffer now is your niece.

As an aside, why did you put "other family" in inverted commas?

cheerfulaf · 05/05/2025 18:07

Greenartywitch · 05/05/2025 17:58

Your sister's children will be the one who end up paying the price if you husband reports this.

Do you want her to fall back into addiction if her life falls apart again?

Yes benefit fraud is wrong but personally I would not live with a man who snitches on my own sister.

He also did it without speaking to you first and thinking about the potential consequences.

Edited

This. Your sister is obviously in the wrong but there’s numerous ways this could have been approached. I’d be really upset if my partner did this

Outrageistheopiateofthemasses · 05/05/2025 18:07

Megifer · 05/05/2025 18:05

I'd never forgive him for this op. He's reported her because he's jealous. What a complete twat.

Benefit fraudsters are also complete twats.

ThejoyofNC · 05/05/2025 18:08

So what level of crime would you be willing to let your sister commit without reporting her?

mbosnz · 05/05/2025 18:09

Well this is sure going to make family get togethers awkward. . .

MoominMai · 05/05/2025 18:10

boiledrice · 05/05/2025 18:01

Of course he shouldn’t

What the actual fuck is wrong with people?!

Gosh I’m glad I’m not the only one thinking this! OP DH sounds like a mean, jealous and petty person. I mean absolutely it’s not right but because it’s family, I would expect my DP to talk to me first and see if we could do anything to try to get her to stop without involving the authorities at least in the first instance 😬

HeyCooper · 05/05/2025 18:10

It would have been better to tell her that you’ll report her if she isn’t honest about him living with her.

stichguru · 05/05/2025 18:11

She's doing benefit fraud. She needs reporting for doing benefit fraud. End of discussion.

UndermyShoeJoe · 05/05/2025 18:11

The only mistake the husband made was telling you 🤷🏻‍♀️ fraudsters cost us all.

StevieNic · 05/05/2025 18:12

Imagine getting a mortgage-free house and also being a scrounger defrauding money from working tax payers who likely have massive mortgages. Your sister is shameless and I can’t think why you’re so proud of her to be honest

InterestQ · 05/05/2025 18:13

What a horrible man. She’s your family - there were a hundred other ways of getting her to stop - like saying she needs to update her details otherwise she could be reported. This could lead to her being prosecuted. Why did he specifically choose this path? Jealousy?

PlutoCat · 05/05/2025 18:13

Well, I would warn her so that she can either end her claim or the partner moves out. How is she managing to pay the mortgage if he is not really contributing financially? Sounds like she would be better off without him.

Proudofitbabe · 05/05/2025 18:13

Your sister and her partner are low, and I judge them like mad - but I’d be really hacked off if my husband did this.

Ponderingwindow · 05/05/2025 18:14

You say she has her life together to some extent and that she has a boyfriend that does not regularly contribute to the household. How is the family actually excited that she is introducing another child to that situation?

do you think your husband was motivated by the actual benefit’s fraud or is he looking for a way to jolt your sister into taking more steps to improve her situation? Could it sImply be an attempt to get her away from the boyfriend?

Tartanboots · 05/05/2025 18:15

If she was bought a house why is she paying a mortgage? Reporting a family member is appalling.

Shade17 · 05/05/2025 18:15

Good on him! She’s a thief.

Boomer55 · 05/05/2025 18:16

Megifer · 05/05/2025 18:05

I'd never forgive him for this op. He's reported her because he's jealous. What a complete twat.

Sounds like that. Not good. 🙄

SomewhereinSuberbia · 05/05/2025 18:16

I would not have reported her, she's family.

SoManyPostcards · 05/05/2025 18:19

I would not be able to live with this man. Your sister will now get a criminal record and that will be an impediment to her being employed in the future. I couldn’t forgive him.

JLou08 · 05/05/2025 18:20

I think that's a huge betrayal. I would never do this to my DH's family without consulting him. I wouldn't do it at all in this situation. Your sister camt work because of disability, she is an ex-addict who had a traumatic childhood trying to raise a child and keep a roof over their head.
How will you and DH feel if your sisters benefits are suspended, she can't pay her mortgage, she and your niece/nephew end up homeless, sister ends up on drugs due to the stress, children's social care involved, niece/nephews life completely turned upside down with a huge amount of emotional damage? Given her vulnerabilities, this is all very likely. Is feeling smug about reporting benefit fraud out of envy that DH and yourself work hard and she doesn't worth all that?
I don't think I could forgive my DH if he did that to my family.

Motheranddaughter · 05/05/2025 18:20

I would never forgive my DH for that

JJxxxxx · 05/05/2025 18:22

She is in the wrong claiming benefits falsely obviously.
There is so many of us that work hard and have nothing to show for it…. We don’t all think it’s our right to claim benefits we are not entitled to.

I understand your husbands frustration. But he probably should have spoken to her first and told her that if she doesn’t put things straight then he would report.

redsunsets · 05/05/2025 18:22

Your DH'smistake was telling you. She's allegedly committing fraud and needs investigating.

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/05/2025 18:22

If she’s only on disability benefits she qualifies for them whether or not he officially lives there.

snowmichael · 05/05/2025 18:22

I'd shake your husband's hand and buy him a beer
If more people reported the cheats (both individuals and businesses) we'd all be better off