To think it's normal for post-pubescent children to not want to holiday with their parents?

[JamieCannister]

I understand that everyone is different, and that there is no right or wrong. But, am I being unreasonable to suggest that it is perfectly normal, by the age of circa 13 to 16, dependent on the individual, to NOT want to go on holiday with your parents / siblings ever again?

You ARE being unreasonable - people who hit adolescence and want to avoid holidays with their parents are weirdos or anti-social (or are victims of deeply abusive families).

You ARE NOT being unreasonable - it is perfectly normal to hit adolescence and want to live your own life with your own friends and not be forced to spend a week or two solid with your parents or siblings ever again.

The question is about "wants" not "solutions". Saying that if I had a responsible 18 year old happy to take responsibility, and a responsible 13 year old who will not kick off, for example, then leaving a 13 year old may be feasible. Not least if trusted wider family are very close by.

I spend lots of time with my dad now, having not wanted to at all as a teenager. Had I been forced on holidays when I was 15/16 I expect my relationship with him might be a little worse.

My 13 Yr old DS definitely loves coming on holidays. He helps choose where we go. We are not the go to the same place every year family though. We do exciting active holidays such as skiing, going on safari, road trip in the US etc he has always loved travelling

We didn't go on holiday every year when I was a teenager, but we did do a road trip to the south of France the summer I was 16 and my brother was 14. I have really happy memories of those few weeks. Of course I wanted to go.

I also went to Rome for a few nights with my mum when I was 19, and tagged along with my dad on a business trip to California when I was 20 (I did uni work while he worked and we did lots of sightseeing and eating out the rest of the time). Again, really happy memories of those times.

If that makes me weird then I guess I was a weird teen.

I am not trying to point score, but my question was in part inspired by another thread. To be clear, it is normal and great if kids want to come on holiday with their parents all through their teens, but I also think it is normal and great if kids want independence and have other things they would prefer to do.

If they want to say home because they miss their weed when they're abroad, then obviously I have no sympathy for their desire to stay home.

I’m going on a long weekend in Feb to krakow. My 16 year old son lives at home is coming with us.
My 18 year old who doesn’t live at home is also coming with us. I’m very excited as I think it would be completely reasonable for the 18 year old at least to not want to come.
It will just be the 3 of us

But how can they be left at home and have their 'independence' at 13? I just don't understand where you're coming from or why you even wrote this post when you don't have kids this age 😅
Surely this is a forum for advice?

Don’t worry you are normal, just means you had a great relationship

My teens do both family holidays and ones with friends. Older than op's though. But was the case that they wanted to come age 13.

I've 3 teenage girls 13, 15, 17. All love coming on holidays with as we go to places like Italy, Spain etc and they get fed and watered and can hang by the pool with each other and go shopping together etc. As long as we're paying I'd say they'll come with us for a few years yet. Besides I would not leave kids 16 and under home alone for a couple of weeks

It depended on the holiday. I don't think I disliked it before 17/18. At 18 I chose to stay home but still went on some holidays with them after that eg. 20 (they paid) and 22 (I paid, was working). Now we go on holiday as 3 generations!

DD 13 & DS 15 look forward to our family holiday all year. We had a great time last year and they’re already excited about this year. We book a good quality AI somewhere hot, 2 rooms and we have a private pool this year which they’re SO excited about. They are quite happy relaxing by the pool, going on day trips, last year DS took his Advanced Open Water scuba diving certification, so he and I did lots of dive trips together which was brilliant fun. DD and I will usually have a spa session or two if they have children’s treatments.

They are old enough to be able to come down to the pool/go back when they are ready so they’re not being made to do things they don’t want to. We all enjoy the same sort of day trips, a boat trip, water park for example. If DH and I wanted to go and look at ruins they’d probably stay in the hotel for the day - but that’s not something we really want to do, so not been an issue so far.

DS is 15 and coming on 2 holidays with us this year. He's nowhere near not wanting to come with us. He spends most of his free time with us too

The voting sucks because of the way it’s written. It’s completely normal for teens to want to go on holiday with their parents it’s one or two weeks a year . They can still have friends and a social life. Tbh I’d question why you wouldn’t want a week away with family more.
Mydh stopped going away with family when he was 14 because he found them annoying. They still annoy him at 40 and he still refuses to go away with them

It depends...a walking holiday somewhere then no. A week all inclusive in the sun then yes.

My teenager asked me when she turned 18 if she was still allowed to come. She always loved family holidays. Youngest, hates any holiday pretty much, she has ASD. But she still comes and we plan things together. Tbh, I think they may not wish to come at 13+ but they dont get a choice. Bring a friend, plan it together.

My last family holiday was when I was 14 but that was normal amongst my peers. I would have had zero interest in family holidays after that.

My two still seem to love coming with us (going somewhere different, doing different things, chilling out, eating out, getting some sun). They are 19 and 22 (we’ve given them the option of not coming for several years but they always opt to join us).

They obviously spend plenty of time with their mates too though and have holidays with friends without us.

Yours too??
I think we should create our own little club for parents of adult chikdren who manage to both have their life AND still spend time with their family.
It’s so hard to cope isn’t it! 😢😢

This is an interesting post. I would have been happy to not holiday with my parents at 16 but I did want a holiday! I wouldn’t have been happy to just stay at home.

Thinking over my dc’s teen years I think the only year that was tricky was when dd was 15, possibly not on her ADHD meds, and we stayed in a lodge in the UK and she had to share a room with her younger brother. When I write it down it’s clear why it wasn’t great!

Otherwise it’s been fine, we clearly learned from the experience including last year when she was 18. We are planning a trip to Ibiza for her 21st and ds is still coming with us.

I think it’s a big much to call them weirdos with abusive families as I wouldn’t think that

in our family it seems normal that there are family holidays an individual holidays

See, that is what I think is 100% normal (even if it is also normal for kids to love holidays and be more than happy to have mum and dad pay for family one.

I am curious to know the average age of pro-family holiday posters on this thread. I am sure that teens in reasonably well off families go on family holidays more now than they did 40 years ago, and that this is partly down to money, and partly down to attitudes - in the 1950s, 60s, 70s it was much more common for parents to say to kids at 16 or 18 "you need to pay your own way now", which means kids in the 80s and 90s got a watered down version of that attitude, whereas now that attitude has gone (or rather, it has gone amongst the sorts of families that can afford holidays.)

I wear I had no agenda when I posted this thread, but I am going to make an argument based on what I have read.

This thread is very good evidence that parents are treating their kids like children for longer, and that as a result of upbringing kids lack independence now compared to back in the 90s, or 70s or further back. I include me and partner in this.

Normal is to fight to grow up post-puberty, fly the nest, have fun, settle down, and then appreciate family again more when you have kids yourself.

As a 13/14 year old I had very little desire to hang with my parents. As a 15/16 year old I wanted to hang with my friends, hang with my girlfriend, buy records, go to gigs and go to festivals. Two weeks in Spain with nothing but sun, pool, beach and immediate family - 0/10 in comparison.

I think children naturally grow up, have kids, and gravitate back to family as ADULTS.

I think YOUNG ADULTS who haven't got something to do which is better than 3 weeks with grandparents might be lacking something in their lives.

One can spend a lot of time with family without going on holiday with them.

I stopped going on holiday with my family around the age of 14. I had to sleep at grandma's but during the day I was free to come and go from the family home as I pleased.
I find family incredibly embarrassing and we have totally different interests. A holiday with them is not at all idea of a good time. I preferred to take advantage of the peace and quiet at home.

But in the 50s and 60s and 70s, by 16 or 18 you were either working and earning enough to support yourself (like my auntie) or at university supported with a student grant and able to sign on during the holidays (like my mum). My mum and auntie both had those few years of having fun before getting married in their early 20s, buying a house and having all their kids before they were 30.

That's much less common these days, and in "the kinds of families that have holidays" the parents normally have much more disposable income than their kids in their early 20s, so yes it's probably more common for parents to fund holidays for longer. That doesn't mean the kids aren't normal, or are lacking something - it's just the economy and the way that wealth has(n't) transferred between generations.

Anyway, these days it's completely possible for a young adult to spend time with both their family and their friends. Especially if you can be in constant contact with friends/boy/girlfriends on your phone.