To think it's normal for post-pubescent children to not want to holiday with their parents?

[JamieCannister]

I understand that everyone is different, and that there is no right or wrong. But, am I being unreasonable to suggest that it is perfectly normal, by the age of circa 13 to 16, dependent on the individual, to NOT want to go on holiday with your parents / siblings ever again?

You ARE being unreasonable - people who hit adolescence and want to avoid holidays with their parents are weirdos or anti-social (or are victims of deeply abusive families).

You ARE NOT being unreasonable - it is perfectly normal to hit adolescence and want to live your own life with your own friends and not be forced to spend a week or two solid with your parents or siblings ever again.

Neither.

As a teen I loved going away with my family because I was taken to funnplaves and allowed to relax how I liked e.g. staying by the pool or in the room if I didn't want to go out.

Equally, I didn't feel bothered if my parents went without me.

YABU

I don't think it ever occurred to me at the age of 18 or below that not going on holiday with my parents was an option. We were a family and that's what families did. Once I left home for uni and then moved away for good, it was a different matter.

As far as my own kids go, they are now young adults and don't live at home. When they were younger, holidays were planned with everyone in the family in mind, and they never suggested they didn't want to go. Now my husband and I will go on holiday by ourselves sometimes, but also plan things with our kids sometimes too.

This is very true, particularly from what I see from reading MN and the amount of control that parents want to exert over their teenagers.

Is this post point scoring against someone else in another post? If you don't even have children these ages why are you asking the question?

Mine are late teens and early to mid twenties and all still love coming on holiday. Why wouldn’t they?

Just been to Bucharest with my 21 and 19 year old. And off to Sweden in June. We do interesting things - we are all history buffs and love finding out about the culture of the cities we visit. There will come a time they won't want to come and that's fine. We enjoy spending time together I think.

Never went on holiday with my parents after the age of 12 and neither of mine came with us after 14, they much preferred to do activity holidays with their friends.

This, mine still loved it through their teens as we have fun together and a laugh. I imagine families where the parents are a bit embarrassing or boring then it would make sense
I never stopped wanting to go away with mine

No, it’s not normal for relationships to be strained. It might be happen often, but that doesn’t make it normal. It’s entirely possible for parents to parent, and kids to find their own way in the world. It just depends on the parents to realise that the boundaries need to be adjusted to allow the kids to do that. I would think I’d done something wrong if my kids didn’t want to spend time with me on holiday, but maybe I’ve just been blessed with easy going kids.

@JamieCannister
So, the gist of this thread is that many, many years ago, you thought your own parents were boring and you didn’t share any interests with them. Taking that as your only basis and not having teenage kids yourself, you assume that family dynamics haven’t changed in the last 40 years and find it odd that some teens and their parents may actually enjoy doing similar things ? Perhaps you need to get out more and widen your social circle.

If you are genuinely interested in relationships between teenagers and their parents in 2025 it would have been better to simply asked people how things worked in their families, rather than assume you know how every family should relate, based on your upbringing in what I assume was the 1980s.

Mine still like to come with. It's a choice between two weeks of free beach or skiing vs pottering around the house on their own with no car. Easy decision, really.

I wish ours would say they didn't want to come 🤣 We're going on a road trip to France this summer - me, DH and DDs 23 & 15. I am looking forward to it but also looking forward to a time when me and DH can go alone, we've not had a holiday by ourselves since our honeymoon a million years ago!

You obviously missed the bit where I talked about her being away at uni, her mates and them all going on holiday together… clearly if all kids do is hang out with their parents then that’s more than a little odd. But the fact that mine want to spend time with us as well as doing all the age appropriate stuff with their peers is a source of pride rather than worry.

The fact you found (still find?) your parents boring is probably the biggest issue.

I never found my parents boring.
Nor have I ever considered that older=a bore 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

I took my daughter to an AI beach holiday at the age of fourteen. The first night she had a meltdown and screamed at me. After she’d calmed down I asked her if she thought this would be our last family holiday. Oh no, she replied, she was expecting many more!

Really?
You don’t wish for your dcs to come and see you and share some nice time with you.

If that’s your attitude, then I suspect this is what you’ll get. Very independent adult children who won’t see why they should spend much time with their parents.

Is it also how you see your relationship with your parents?

I definitely didn't want to go on family holidays at 15. I actually went away with a friend instead. My 15 year old (Asd) asked me if he could always come with us even when he's 30 so we're all different..

It worse with my DD1 at Uni - she socialises with her peers - and still wants to come on hoilday with us but even worse enjoys spending time with her grandparents - to point she herself sorted out spending a few week last summer with her grandparents.

I mean the horror - good relationship with siblings, parents and grandparents and activily wanting to spend time with them and others doing things.

Oh cringe. Imagine bringing up such well rounded individuals!! 🙄😂

I don't know. Ours came with us last year at 17 and 20 and we all had a great time. They don't want to come this year but I don't know if it is the end. I think if they didn't have a holiday of their own booked, and we were still paying, then they might want to come again, there were certainly no disagreements, but maybe the time has come...

No, our DC wanted to go away with us, if we were going abroad, up to leaving university. (So age 21/22)

.

So much of what I've read here resonates with me. I was ready to quit family holidays for good at 14, after the fourth consecutive holiday in France. I've nothing against France but where we stayed was always a rural gite, sometimes in a small village but miles from the nearest town and no public transport. Naturally this limited personal independence when growing up and exacerbated a feeling of all being chained together. That claustrophobia with two parents who argued and fell out more than ever when away on holiday was very wearing. I'm the youngest of seven so was quite envious of my four oldest siblings who had already opted out. As it turns out I stuck with the holidays for another two years - I was persuaded by a change of destination - but it was still often rigid and unenjoyable and the parents still bickered and bitched. I finally got my way when I was 17 and said a firm 'no'. Parents didn't argue and went to France again that summer. In retrospect I'm sure they would have been happy enough for me not to be with them much earlier but insisted it wasn't fair for my older siblings to be 'left' with me while they were away. At the age of 15 I was more than capable of my own day to day care so I was quite insulted - one negative aspect of still being regarded by my Mum as a dependent infant long after that ship had sailed!

I never holidayed with family again.

I haven’t chosen YABU or yanbu, our kids are now 19 and 20, and this is the first year we are going without them, they weren’t keen to start with.

but a large part of the attraction was the free holiday!

My son (my only child) started to not want to come away on family holidays from the age of 13. Up to then he was fine. I'm in my late sixties so it was a different ball park when I was a teenager. There wasn't anything very exciting at home (no computers/internet and only 3 channels on the TV) and anyway, I had my own bedsit at the age of 17.