To think it's normal for post-pubescent children to not want to holiday with their parents?

[JamieCannister]

I understand that everyone is different, and that there is no right or wrong. But, am I being unreasonable to suggest that it is perfectly normal, by the age of circa 13 to 16, dependent on the individual, to NOT want to go on holiday with your parents / siblings ever again?

You ARE being unreasonable - people who hit adolescence and want to avoid holidays with their parents are weirdos or anti-social (or are victims of deeply abusive families).

You ARE NOT being unreasonable - it is perfectly normal to hit adolescence and want to live your own life with your own friends and not be forced to spend a week or two solid with your parents or siblings ever again.

People can only speak from their own experience so you'll get a lot of replies from people with very definite views one way or the other. All I can say is that I remember holidays between 15 and 17 being the worst of my life, and no I wouldn't choose to go away with my parents as an adult. But at that age you're trying to break away as an individual so I'd say it's normal not to want to spend 24/7 in each others pockets. Equally it's normal to want to take advantage of a paid holiday.

By the time my eldest was 17 she started holidaying with friends/boyfriend. She does still occasionally come with us at 20 though. My 15 year old is looking forward to holidaying with friends but absolutely still enjoys our holidays and says she will still come with us when she starts holidaying with friends.

Tell us why you're asking. Presumably you're disagreeing with someone about this.

oh shit we better cancel our trip to Italy this year.

Yes, I was happy to go on holiday with my parents Asa teen, but I think once you have been with friends you don’t want to go with your parents again, at least not until you are quite a lot older and.more mature. We’ve had some great holidays with parents and ILs which are lovely memories now they are no longer with us.

My 17 and 19 year old still want to holiday with us. I thought this might be the year when they said no as we are not planning anything as exciting as normal. They were shocked when I suggested they might not want to come with us.

Family holidays weren’t optional for my eldest until he was 16 (old enough in my opinion to stay at home for a week on his own). From then they’ve been optional but he still chooses to come with us age 19.

Dd never came away with us after 15. Fine by all of us!!!

I think if a 13-15yo didn't want to go n hidalgo there is likely an underlying problem, be that with the family or sibling interactions, or something like a tech addiction.

I think it’s odd for a school age child not to want to go away with their family. 13/14/15 is far too young to just opt out.

So who looks after them or do they stay at home alone? I have no one who can look after my dc for a week while I holiday, so they come with us... although they're happy to do that

I refused to go on holiday with my parents from the age of 15 onwards. They wanted to do cultural trips to rural France and I was bored witless. I ruined the last trip I went on with them with my sullen and depressed attitude - no more tiny French churches for me!

I like and love my parents but we have very different attitudes to holiday & I’ve never been away with them since (about 30 years on).

I think it's probably normal in families where relationships between parents and children are strained.

I would find it very unusual in families where everyone gets on.

I agree with pp that 13 is very young still. I went on family holidays at 13 and was happy to do so. Wouldn't occur to me that my dc wouldn't come away with us at that age. Older teens are a different story

I was more thinking about what I was like post-puberty. I do not have any children post-puberty.

I had issue with my parents, but overall they did a decent enough job, but as soon as I was post-puberty my attitude was that I wanted time to myself or with friends, and did not want to hang out with my parents.

Surley it depends on the family dynamic, hoilday and accomodation.

I was happy to hoilday with family as a young to mid teen - even with the accomodation being squashed due to costs and money was tight - but when I hit 17 my parents weren't keen to take me any more - so I worked summer and they took younger sibling.

DH was left as a child more often than not when Il went on hoidlay but teen years well into 20s went with IL aborad on many hoildays and then took me on two as well when I turned up.

We found DD1 at 18 didn't want to do beach holiday but was interested at 17 and 19 in week long big city break in year before and after beach one.

I didn't advocate leaving a 13 yer old at home... but I do advocate understanding why they might not want to come, if they don't want to come.

I think it's odd to not want to go away with family. Then again it depends on the type of holiday. If it's a piss up and the kids are expected to sit by the pool while their parents get lairy, I can understand the opt out.

I still go on holiday with my parents and I’m 43. So do my siblings. We’ve never stopped holidaying with them.
my dd14 still wants to come on holiday with us, and if dh and I go away for a few days on our own she moans because she wants to go.
I don’t know any young teen who doesn’t want to go on holiday with their parents.

It isn't a black and white issue because it depends on the teen, the family dynamic, the sort of holiday and the sort of activities I suppose. And there's obviously a difference between being willing to go on holiday and not wanting to be in your parents company 24/7 doing the same stuff as when you were little.

My eldest is 20 now. He loved holidays with us when little, we did Eurocamp at first then AIs with kids clubs, on site activities etc (as well as some sightseeing). He loved all that until he was about 12. He still willingly came but would sleep in, mooch around the resort by himself/ find people his own age and if we hired a car and went exploring he would come some times but not others. There is nearly 10 year age gap between him and youngest so we carried on with those sort of hols for a few more years. Then once youngest got to 8 (and him 17) we started going on long haul much more adventurous holidays and he absolutely loved that and does much more with us.

In fact we are wondering when we can stop taking him. We said OK while he's still at uni but he absolutely loves travel I think if we let him he'll still be willing when he's 30! (He goes on some short cheap hols with his GF but ours are a bit more luxurious and he's realised what side his bread is buttered haha!)

From when I was about 15 I started to hate being dragged on family holidays and by the time I was 17 I refused to go. So, I agree it's perfectly normal! We were a happy family and I love my parents but my god I was so grumpy about having to be with them 24/7 going to castles and things.

Most 13-16 yos don’t want to do anything but if you leave them off you get a monosyllabic drooling screen staring zombie that only opens their mouths to request something. All of the best experiences my teens have had (ones they said were their best ever) started out as a ‘just try it and if you do we can (insert brine here)!’

Most people only go on holiday for a week or 2, you’d still have had plenty of time the other 50 weeks of the year to have your own time or to see friends.

If you actually enjoy spending time with & like your parents, you wouldn’t have felt that way. As I say I’m now in my 20’s with my own kids and have a holiday booked altogether next year, I’ve always loved our trips together and they are some of my best memories. If I didn’t like my parents then yeah, I probably would have rather spent time in my bedroom instead, and that would have been reflective of the relationship as it was for my husband.

haha, I could've written this! I have very powerful memories of refusing to get out of the car at various places in the Loire Valley because I was having a terrible period and didn't want to be there

I am thinking back to my teenage years, and contrasting my feelings (absolute 100% desire not to go, because it meant leaving normal life and my friends, and spending 24/7 with my family for 1 or 2 weeks) with the numerous stories of family holidays on mumsnet.