To think it's normal for post-pubescent children to not want to holiday with their parents?

[JamieCannister]

I understand that everyone is different, and that there is no right or wrong. But, am I being unreasonable to suggest that it is perfectly normal, by the age of circa 13 to 16, dependent on the individual, to NOT want to go on holiday with your parents / siblings ever again?

You ARE being unreasonable - people who hit adolescence and want to avoid holidays with their parents are weirdos or anti-social (or are victims of deeply abusive families).

You ARE NOT being unreasonable - it is perfectly normal to hit adolescence and want to live your own life with your own friends and not be forced to spend a week or two solid with your parents or siblings ever again.

Sometimes our 23 son comes on holiday with us. Sometimes he goes on holiday with his friends. No skin off our nose if he comes with us or not. It all depends on what offers he gets from his various friend groups and where we're thinking of going ourselves. He's less likely to come with us if we're just going to a cottage in the Cotswolds, but he'd be up for coming with us to San Francisco or Egypt! He tends to do European city breaks with his various friend groups which we've done years ago so not something we'd be doing as a family again, so he tries to persuade one friend group or another to do Rome, Berlin, Barcelona, Amsterdam, etc.

Hence why I posted to see how normal people think my experience / perspective was!

Maybe, but for me I was interested in indie bands and my friends and girlfriend, I wasn't interested in beach holidays, or chatting with two boring old people I saw every other day of the year!

School trips and scout camp were probably about the only things I did in my teens that I would place above family holidays on my "things I really don't want to do" list.

I have to say I find the assumption that everyone loves holidays quite a bizarre one.

As you said, we can only speak from our own experiences.

I have to say that until I went on MN, I didn't know one person who didn't like holidays! Or they hide it well, because everyone I know is always going away or planning to go away as much as they can.

I haven't met one person stating they'd rather be home.

I’d be absolutely gutted if either of mine described us as boring old people 🙁

I think if you make the effort to get to know your children and their likes and dislikes and cater for that and laugh and genuinely enjoy their company rather than just tolerate them then I see no reason why they wouldn’t want to spend time with you even as a teen. Our 21 year old is quite happy to spend time with us, we visit her at uni and go on nights out with her and her friends, we like her, she likes us and we pay for nice holidays - she goes to Ibiza and Zante and the like with her mates and then comes away with us for a bit of relaxation and luxury, it doesn’t have to be either or if you like each other as individuals within a family.

I think there's an argument that you should be gutted if they don't! I sincerely hope that in a few year ours have better things to do than hang out with us!

I’d be absolutely gutted if either of mine described us as boring old people

I'd be more worried that my kids only had shared interest with middle-age people like their parents. I am happy they want to spend time with friends, away from us.

There are enough holidays to spend together anyway, even if they moan to start with.

No. I think it’s normal for DC to still want to come on holiday with their parents by the age of 13 and even 16. Both our dc are coming away with us this summer aged 21 and 18 🤷🏼‍♀️

one will be spending the summer in another country so it will be lovely to see him, and my other dc has a few other holidays planned with friends/her bf. Best of both worlds.

You shouldn’t leave a 13yo at home while you go away anyway, so the question is kind of academic…

I’m in my 40s and still enjoy going away with my parents sometimes!

Different families are obviously going to do things differently but spending time with family doesn’t have to be boring or just for children!

My DS1, early 20's, is on his 4th holiday of the year so far with friends or GF. That being said, he is also coming on our cruise later in the year.

I am mindful when choosing the family holiday & always try to pick something DS2 (14) will enjoy. He's never said he doesn't want to go. He loves a volcano, zoo or foreign football ground so we add them and he's happy! (mostly!).

It would be really sad if he didn't want to come.

I was interested in sports, books and music and my friends… and I liked going on holiday. 2 weeks out of 52 wasn’t a big deal for me in terms of not seeing my friends (I could still read and listen to music on holiday!), and I always tended to meet other young people on our holidays anyway. When I was 16 my best friend came on holiday with us and that was fab.

I would find that bizarre.

We have always gone holidays with teens and even now our adult DC joins us sometimes.

It's a good way to spend time together.

I'm sure that you're saying this half in jest, but it reflects a rather sad view of parent-child relationships in my view.

If you are lucky enough to have a good relationship with your teen dc, they will want to spend time with you despite having tons of other exciting things to do.

@YearlySubscriptionRenewal

I'm not clear why DC can't have common interests with both middle aged people and those their own age?

We have a group of friends who were initially me and DH's, but as they had their own DC, we all went away together as a group.

I would think a DC has quite poor social skills if they weren't capable of socialising with people not their own age.

My 16 year old sat out a long weekend in Suffolk, and planning on sitting out a caravan in Cornwall in July. Funnily enough she’s delighted to go to Corfu later in the year!

I think she still quite likes going away with us but if it’s somewhere that sounds boring she’d rather stay home with her friends, which is really fair enough. I love hanging out all together though, it’s a rare occasion these days so I’ll be really sad when it stops.

Yanbu, but 13-16 is quite a wide range in developmental as opposed to chronological terms. I began to dislike family holidays at 15, partly because that year our holiday consisted of nothing but traipsing round museums and galleries when I would have liked a bit of time just to soak up the atmosphere of the place, but mainly because I had had a rupture with my dad - a serious one which had not properly healed even by the end of his life - and just did not want to be near him. Still, I did endure one more family holiday - there are some photographs which all too clearly show my state of mind from my expression - then decided never again.

I think nowadays relations between parents and adolescent children may be closer and more amicable, but even if there are no issues a simple feeling that it's time to be independent is normal enough.

I think it varies by teen, personality and what type of holiday.

When I was 14/15/16 I didn’t want to go on holiday with my parents because their idea of a holiday was in a static caravan going around National Trust sites and the like.

We do more adventure type holidays… I can’t imagine DS17 ever NOT wanting to still come with us tbh 😂

I think some parents raise their kids in a very "us and them" way, so perhaps it's inevitable that the kids grow up thinking that their parents are boring old farts. I also think that some parents struggle to adapt to their child growing up, and I can imagine that that's annoying for many teenagers. However, in many families, the relationships evolve and change over time in a way that enables parents/teens to carry on enjoying each other's company.

It's not about 'better things to do' it's about enjoying time with your family as well as time with your friends. All one or all the other is less good than enjoying both.

If yours don't enjoy spending time with you, that's not as good for them as enjoying your company. Friends are friends, family is family - good relationships with both is the ideal.

Solid family relationships gives strength and confidence.

It would save me a fortune if my teens didn't want to go but I'm happy they still very much do. 14 and 17. I think I'll be paying for years to come🤣

This. I holiday with my parents and our dc holiday with DH and me/ a parent alone.
DH less so with his because they’re not super close/ get on in best small doses. I guess the seeds were sown when dh was early teens.

Between the age of 13 to 16 I can’t imagine my DS even thinking of questioning the idea of coming on holiday with us. Since that age, he has done both. He has friends, and has lived with his partner since they were 19. (He’s now 24. He takes trips with his mates, alone with his partner, with her family, and also he and his partner come away with us (they pay for their own flights and we book accommodation large enough for all of us). He also does separate sports/music trips with his dad. I think it’s sad that people assume that youngsters don’t get on with their birth family or want to spend time with them, and bizarre to think that they would only want to do one thing or the other.