Karma has finally happened

[stupidstupidstupidgirl]

Have name changed for this as don’t want it connected with my current name.

Roughly 7/8 years ago I finally found the courage to leave a very abusive relationship. I had to get a restraining order and move house to get rid of him. He was always threatening to kill himself if I left and would send me pictures of pill packets etc.

Anyway, fast forward, to the other day and I find out on the grapevine that he’s not only having tests for cancer but he’s also fucked his insides and will be on medication for life.

AIBU that karma has finally happened to offset the hurt/drama and general chaos he caused including DV.

I’ve not thought of him for years and this bought back quite a lot of horrible memories. I never sought revenge and have lived my best life since leaving him.

I suspect that you have a good insight into whether you are a decent human being or a violent domestic abuser, and that will help inform you whether the people around you are praying for your recovery or secretly gloating.

I can only assume that you are the former and wish you all the best in your treatment - it is a truly horrific disease.

Yes, I know, but I know most people here associate it with Buddhism. But thanks anyway.

Have people missed the fact that it isn’t just about cancer?

The OP has stated that during their relationship he used to take just enough drugs not to kill himself but would play the suicide card as an emotional abuse tactic. That being aside from him trying to kill her, you know.

And as a direct result of his doing this, he has now fucked up his organs to the point he will be on meds for the rest of his life.

Let’s take the cancer element out of the equation shall we? This man has, in fact, paid the actual price for the abuse he inflicted on the OP. And actually, he deserves 0 sympathy for that.

And for all we know perhaps this has also led to him having cancer, in which case he’s brought that on himself as well.

Our lives were very tough for some time but never once did I wish cancer on him, sorry OP but I actually find that rather wicked.

Oh boo bloody hoo. I find trying to emotionally blackmail someone into staying into an abusive relationship “rather wicked” too.

'Let’s take the cancer element out of the equation shall we? This man has, in fact, paid the actual price for the abuse he inflicted on the OP. And actually, he deserves 0 sympathy for that.'

Cancer is mentioned in the actual op.

Who is giving him sympathy? No one.

I do think part of the problem is there seems to be little justice for victims. So many people (mainly men) get away with committing acts of violence, abuse, rape all with out consequence.

I do think it’s natural to want justice and in the absence of legal justice for the perpetrators to want to attribute stuff to a sense of natural justice or karmic retribution. People have been doing it for millennia. Life doesnt really work that way. Some people are awful human beings but will sail through life never having any real consequences, (ahem Prince Andrew) sometimes legal justice catches up with you. Some very good people will suffer horribly.

I believe that we should strengthen the legal justice system so that perpetrators face proper consequences in a timely manner.

Do they? I’ve always associated it with Hinduism.

Those posters who have said I’m gleefully posting online about this are quite wrong. I’ve always used MN as a safe space, I did post about him trying to commit suicide and lots said it was only for show and to ignore.

It took a long time (a couple of years) and a lot of therapy to finally be free of him and his ways. Even when I left he made it very difficult and reported me to lots of agencies to try and get back at me.

I never retaliated other than getting the restraining order. Which he kept loitering just outside the boundary hence why I moved house.

Well I’m happy OP. Such virtue signalling twats on here. I wish more abusive men had what was coming to them

It was, but so has the fact that he’s fucked his innards by repeatedly pretending to commit suicide.

PP asked what consequence he’s faced for his actions, and that is a consequence.

And if the cancer is a result of that then yes, he deserves it.

This.

Bad things happen to all sorts of people. And our reaction to those things depends on what kind of person they are.

Just because someone thinks that getting cancer is a just desserts for their previous actions doesn’t mean they wish it on everyone.

If he's fucked his own body up by fucking around with it, that's the natural consequences/ karma.

It's pretty normal to feel Schadenfreude at someone who was so awful to you finally facing consequences of their appalling behaviours.

You’re absolutely right - there’s no way I would wish cancer or any other horrible disease on anyone however this man stole 4 years of my life and almost killed me, he broke my spirit, was extremely controlling and coercive. It took years to get back to myself and heal.

He almost made me lose my family (luckily they stuck by me) and caused all my friends to leave. I also almost lost my son…the list goes on.

Cancer isn’t something to feel smug about. People are dying from it and losing loved ones because of it. And here you are using the idea of cancer as a comfort and a convenience for your own growth. Awful.

Are you trying to police how a victim of abuse feels, even though we cannot control how we feel?

No I’m just giving my opinion. Just like you’ve probably given yours. She absolutely doesn’t have to change her thoughts just because I think it’s horrible to feel smug about cancer. She feels how she feels.

I’m really not feeling smug about the cancer tests (he’s only being tested) I feel he’s got his comeuppance for trying to control me by pretending to commit suicide many times. He’s fucked his insides by taking too many drugs.

I’m agree. People die in vehicular accidents every day but it’s still acceptable to say I hope he’s run over by a bus.

You can be happy about it, no one can stop you feeling something. However hy isn't what happened to you your karma for something you did?

Na you’re right. It would have been far more preferable for him to have succeeded in one of of his mock suicide attempts, but that would then unfortunately have turned the fucker into a Martyr.

One thing I often think is this. Kids get run over and killed near their schools. I hope that it never ever ever happens again. But it will, and I sincerely hope that the next set of grieving parents are the sorts of parents who routinely park on the jagged yellow lines, and not a set of responsible parents who park legally away from the school, because they respect the safety of all the kids.

My ex-partner was very violently abusive to me. He made my life a misery. I still have permanent reminders in the form of physical scars/damage.

Many years after I left him I found out he’d died of a condition that was almost certainly caused by his own stupidity and arrogance.

I was absolutely fucking delighted.

I don’t give a shit if you find that ‘attractive’ or if you think it’s ’uncivilised’. Who the hell are you to tell women how they should feel about someone who viciously and repeatedly attacked them? Nobody appointed you the fucking Feelings Ombudsman.

Do you know what’s more horrible than feeling smug about cancer?

Beating, stalking and controlling women.

Nobody is negatively affected in any way by the OP’s feelings about her ex. Or indeed by my feelings about my ex, who also died of cancer. The fact that I’m delighted about my ex dying of cancer doesn’t hurt anyone, including people who have cancer. My mother and sister have both survived cancer and I’ve had two significant cancer scares myself in six months. It is a feeling. It is harmless. It is perfectly justified.

100%.

I wouldn't blame you one little bit if you had been out there, within the law, doing every single thing you legally could to achieve some sense of justice or revenge. But no, you weren't even doing that, you were simply reacting emotionally to a fact you learnt, about a man you have every reason to despise.

I don't like the idea that someone getting cancer is "karma". What about young innocent children who get cancer, are they getting "karma" for something they've done?