Karma has finally happened

[stupidstupidstupidgirl]

Have name changed for this as don’t want it connected with my current name.

Roughly 7/8 years ago I finally found the courage to leave a very abusive relationship. I had to get a restraining order and move house to get rid of him. He was always threatening to kill himself if I left and would send me pictures of pill packets etc.

Anyway, fast forward, to the other day and I find out on the grapevine that he’s not only having tests for cancer but he’s also fucked his insides and will be on medication for life.

AIBU that karma has finally happened to offset the hurt/drama and general chaos he caused including DV.

I’ve not thought of him for years and this bought back quite a lot of horrible memories. I never sought revenge and have lived my best life since leaving him.

So it is ok to abuse humans (physically and mentally) - especially someone who you are supposed to love but not ok to abuse animals?! Sorry but did you read the OP?

I’m really pleased you’ve been able to leave and move on from an awful abusive relationship. I’ve two thoughts on kharma:

1. the best revenge is living well
2. worry about your own kharma (this was said to me by a friend when I was feeling vitriolic about someone’s situation. They meant, ‘give a shit about their life - concentrate on your own’. I thought it to be very good advice).

Live well OP!

So what have children done to deserve bad things happening to them, this thread is an issue but I suppose free country and all that, but going by your thinking what karma will get you for thinking this and for the things you have done in your own life?

Whatever you call it, it's a very direct consequence of his actions (messing up his body by repeatedly and deliberately taking quantities of drugs). And it's something he did to try to hurt you which had actually ended up hurting himself in the long run.

If people have a problem with 'karma', try out 'poetic justice' for size, which is what I'd call it. It's completely self-inflicted harm arising from a nasty impulse to control and manipulate another person.

You don't need to berate yourself for your feelings, OP. They are completely natural and fine to have. But the PP cautioning against carrying hate or too much vicious glee around with you are also right in that it only ends up taking up too much of your headspace and poisoning your current life.

Think of it as - natural consequences have taken care of his actions without you having to life a finger, leaving you free to let it go and mentally leave him and his shit behind you.

All the best.

I cordially disagree. It is completely within the ordinary spectrum of reactions for a well-adjusted human being. It appeals to the entirely ordinary human desire for justice.

You don't need to pathologise the OP because her reactions differ from yours.

@TheFluffyTwo thank you for summing up how I feel. I don’t feel any hate towards him and haven’t thought about him for years, was surprised how hearing this news stirred my memories.

Maybe using the term karma was wrong but he never faced any consequences of his actions until now.

I'm certainly not revelling in the fact he may have cancer just the sense of what goes around certainly does come around.

He won’t occupy my thoughts and I will continue living my awesome life I’ve carved out for me and my children.

Again, thank you for your replies everyone

How is having cancer facing anything other than having cancer?

I don’t understand your post?

No it’s not weird. The OP can do something about it, walk away, report it, get therapy. Animals cannot defend themselves and nor can they seek therapy or solace in others.

I'm very glad he hasn't skipped off into the sunset. Implying those with cancer have received it as some sort of karmic payback for their behaviour is a bit shit though.

Get a grip and stop twisting things.

You have said "Maybe using the term karma was wrong but he never faced any consequences of his actions until now." other than getting cancer what consequences has he faced?

So you actually think animal cruelty is worse than cruelty to women? Did you read the bit where he was abusive and she needed a restraining order?

Writing what you did is cruel. You are obviously one of those awful types who would beat someone to death with a ‘Be Kind’ placards.

I think no one here actually understands what karma is. It’s a Buddhist term which you have all hijacked. It has a much deeper meaning than you have all simplistically ascribed to it.

If you read the OP it seems that his current illness(es) is a direct result of his behaviour of ingesting quantities of drugs in an attempt to manipulate the OP.

That is called a consequence.

I mean with regards to his extremely controlling behaviour whereby he pretended to kill himself. I wish I’d never mentioned the cancer tests now. He doesn’t even have cancer - just getting tests done.

I'm certainly not revelling in the fact he may have cancer just the sense of what goes around certainly does come around.

I don’t understand why pp are claiming OP doesn’t see cancer as a payback for wrong doing. She’s clarified this is her view.

My sympathies to anyone facing cancer in themselves or their loved ones for having to read this disgusting bile.

I agree with Barrenfieldoffucks cancer is not some sort of karmic payback.
Construing illness as any sort of punishment is a really destructive way of thinking.

I think that there are plenty of horrible people in the world who negatively effect the lives of those they meet. There was a man who sexually assaulted me as a teenager whilst drunk. He developed liver cancer years later. It’s a natural consequence ( not of being a prick) of being an alchoholic. I was glad in a way hadn’t wished him dead but because I knew that he’d never be able to hurt anyone else.

I think I’d always felt guilty that I hadn’t reported it but I don’t think it’d have gotten anywhere and I was embarrassed. His death closed a door and I was glad of it.

I completely agree with this.

A lot of people here don’t seem to have any grasp of living long term in a traumatic, abusive relationship.

OP, I totally get it.

I’m impressed you managed not to think of him all that time, and there’s nothing wrong with feeling there is some justice in what has happened.

Karma is a religious concept, not some fancy way of saying what goes around comes around. Generally if you lead a life which does not involve kindness this stifles in you all the things that might bring you contentment and satisfaction if you were a "better person." I think you need to show yourself a little kindness and acknowledge you don't need these bitter feelings to make yourself feel better, because in reality taking pleasure from someone having cancer is going to bring karma your way in the sense that you will not be able to feel free and happy while you have these feelings.

It's perfectly OK to be happy when your abuser (the person who physically and mentally tormented you, and almost killed you) is suffering. You don't owe him your sympathy, or anything at all. Ignore the morality/thought police here. You're entitled to your feelings.

It’s actually a Hindu term and concept in origin. Buddhism originated in India and absorbed the concept from Hinduism.

I do think it’s a fancy way of what goes around comes around but it’s about your future lives. So when had things happen it’s a consequence of past life misdeeds. If you are “good” in this life then your soul will benefit in future reincarnations.

It’s completely weird as is your strange and twisted way of ‘justifying’ why being cruel to animals is worst than being cruel to women.

It also shows a stunning lack of understanding of how abusers work and the effects it has on women. There are many reasons why women don’t leave, the psychological effects of the trauma they experience, fear of being murdered if they leave ( a real fear, most women who are murdered by their partners are murdered after leaving), fear of the partner having their children taken from them. Fear he’ll murder the children if they leave.