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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Karma has finally happened

164 replies

stupidstupidstupidgirl · 04/05/2025 21:22

Have name changed for this as don’t want it connected with my current name.

Roughly 7/8 years ago I finally found the courage to leave a very abusive relationship. I had to get a restraining order and move house to get rid of him. He was always threatening to kill himself if I left and would send me pictures of pill packets etc.

Anyway, fast forward, to the other day and I find out on the grapevine that he’s not only having tests for cancer but he’s also fucked his insides and will be on medication for life.

AIBU that karma has finally happened to offset the hurt/drama and general chaos he caused including DV.

I’ve not thought of him for years and this bought back quite a lot of horrible memories. I never sought revenge and have lived my best life since leaving him.

OP posts:
Codlingmoths · 05/05/2025 02:04

stupidstupidstupidgirl · 05/05/2025 01:16

Thank you for your replies. I certainly never wished cancer on him even when he tried to kill me one night. I actually meant about the way he used suicide to lure me back and now he’s fucked his insides by never quite taking enough to kill himself, just enough to be admitted to hospital etc.

he won’t linger in my thoughts but he really was a nasty fucker who has caused misery to quite a few women who fell for his victim ways (me included). Now he actually is a victim and he’s finally suffering like his victims did.

That is pure karma

Codlingmoths · 05/05/2025 02:07

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Ah I see. It was only people cruelty so it’s cool by you. I hope you realise no one has read your comment and thought this woman really owns the moral high ground, I should be more like her. That’s not what everyone reading it has thought at all.

PyongyangKipperbang · 05/05/2025 02:09

TbhI think that there is nothing wrong with the odd moment of schadenfraude when someone that vile has to deal with the consequences of their actions.

Still waiting for some sort of universal justice to visit on my similarly abusive ex as the police didnt fucking manage it.

PyongyangKipperbang · 05/05/2025 02:12

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The only reason he isnt a murderer is that he failed to actually kill the OP, despite attempting.

I tell you what is disgusting and deplorable is you trying to suggest that him kicking a dog is worse than attempting to murder the OP.

WhenICalledYouLastNightFromTesco · 05/05/2025 02:42

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PyongyangKipperbang · 05/05/2025 02:45

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Charming. You kiss your kids with that mouth?

WhenICalledYouLastNightFromTesco · 05/05/2025 02:47

PyongyangKipperbang · 05/05/2025 02:45

Charming. You kiss your kids with that mouth?

Sorry the f word offended you

Waterweight · 05/05/2025 03:28

Sounds like you had a bad relationship with a young alcoholic/ drug addict ??

I wouldn't say it was "karma" as he sounds extremely troubled but glad you can finally move on

Boreded · 05/05/2025 05:27

he was an arsehole, but you are absolutely no better here

ticktockali · 05/05/2025 05:36

I totally get you wanting and patiently waiting for that karma moment.
My ex made my life hell for 3 years. He too had an order against him which he breeched and was reprimanded at court but he still thought rules don’t apply to him and then he forked out a small fortune on a round the world trip for him & his new partner only to then find out the USA and Australia wouldn’t grant him the visas to enter. Bloody brilliant! 🤩

Codlingmoths · 05/05/2025 05:50

Boreded · 05/05/2025 05:27

he was an arsehole, but you are absolutely no better here

One of them is a dangerous abuser who threatened to kill his partner and would swallow pills pretending to commit suicide when she left him, several times.
one is them is his ex partner who years after having finally escaped his abuse, heard that his pill swallowing to control her means he’s damaged his stomach and he has cancer, and thought serve him right.
you say they are both as bad as each other. Bloody hell I hope your every thought and action is only ever for others, nothing but kind and generous and pure as the driven snow. Otherwise you’re just as bad as all the violent criminals (and unconvicted) who have assaulted people and threatened or tried to kill someone, arent you? Since it’s extremely clear from this one post that you are far from a saint, go look at the violent criminal face you see in the mirror. And maybe be more kind to survivors of abuse and domestic violence.

User37482 · 05/05/2025 05:53

I was strangled and beaten up, I wouldn’t feel bad if anything awful happened to him frankly. I wouldn’t frame cancer as karma but I definitely wouldn’t be sad about a horrible bastard suffering a bit,

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 05/05/2025 05:54

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Do you think cruelty to animals is worse than cruelty to humans? Interesting.

Boreded · 05/05/2025 05:54

Codlingmoths · 05/05/2025 05:50

One of them is a dangerous abuser who threatened to kill his partner and would swallow pills pretending to commit suicide when she left him, several times.
one is them is his ex partner who years after having finally escaped his abuse, heard that his pill swallowing to control her means he’s damaged his stomach and he has cancer, and thought serve him right.
you say they are both as bad as each other. Bloody hell I hope your every thought and action is only ever for others, nothing but kind and generous and pure as the driven snow. Otherwise you’re just as bad as all the violent criminals (and unconvicted) who have assaulted people and threatened or tried to kill someone, arent you? Since it’s extremely clear from this one post that you are far from a saint, go look at the violent criminal face you see in the mirror. And maybe be more kind to survivors of abuse and domestic violence.

Re-read your post. You’ve said I’m just as bad as the violent criminals, because you object to me saying that she is just as bad for celebrating someone having cancer…pot, kettle????

someone needs to sleep off their bank holiday beverages

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 05/05/2025 05:57

FOJN · 04/05/2025 23:22

You haven't caused his problems and I can't and won't judge you for thinking he got what he deserved. Your thoughts won't make his health better or worse.

I hope you can quickly work through the feelings this has bought up and banish him from your mind again so that you can get back to living your best life.

Finally a sane response.

Codlingmoths · 05/05/2025 06:15

Boreded · 05/05/2025 05:54

Re-read your post. You’ve said I’m just as bad as the violent criminals, because you object to me saying that she is just as bad for celebrating someone having cancer…pot, kettle????

someone needs to sleep off their bank holiday beverages

I’m using your standards. He’s the violent criminal, she’s the woman who can’t help feeling a moments satisfaction at his poor health, I note you don’t mention the long term issues caused by his taking pills to look like he’s committing suicide when she left him, just the cancer. If those two are as bad as each other then what are you as bad as? No bank holiday here actually.

Boreded · 05/05/2025 06:22

Codlingmoths · 05/05/2025 06:15

I’m using your standards. He’s the violent criminal, she’s the woman who can’t help feeling a moments satisfaction at his poor health, I note you don’t mention the long term issues caused by his taking pills to look like he’s committing suicide when she left him, just the cancer. If those two are as bad as each other then what are you as bad as? No bank holiday here actually.

Yawn 🥱

it’s one thing to be happy that karma has struck, it’s another to start an online post celebrating it.

if you can’t see the difference here then I don’t really know how I can help you.

please stop replying to me, I cannot be bothered anymore

LavenderFields7 · 05/05/2025 06:39

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You are getting feelings mixed up with behaviour. Someone can’t help how they feel. Feelings are our way of communicating with ourselves, feeling happy about a ex-abusive partner being ill is not about cruelty—it’s often about unresolved trauma and a sense of justice or power being restored after feeling helpless or harmed.

Thatsalineallright · 05/05/2025 06:41

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What?? Animal cruelty is dreadful but human cruelty and domestic violence is fine in your book??

Never2many · 05/05/2025 06:43

OP if you’d titled your post “Have just found out that my ex possibly has cancer,” and had gone on to explain the details but without the mention of the word Karma, the majority response would have been “couldn’t have happened to a nicer bloke.”

I don’t believe in Karma, but I do believe that every single person on this thread has heard of something bad happening to a bad person and has either thought the above or has actually felt nothing.

Or have you all felt sympathy for Fred West/Harold Shipman/other people outside who have come to harm in some way but who you know as having done harm to others?

Actually I’d go so far as to say that any of the virtue signallers on this thread who may have said anything in your ex’s favour if the K word hadn’t been mentioned would have been given short shrift.

We all without exception, know someone or know of someone who has done something despicable.

There are world leaders who are responsible for atrocities in others and their own countries.

Notorious murderers who have committed the most heinous crimes.

If any of those people were to come to harm the majority response would be a positive one.

When Fred west and Harold Shipman killed themselves the only sympathy I felt was for their victims who now knew that the bastards had taken the cowards way out. But I am glad they’re dead. And I’ve subsequently read that many of Shipman’s victims now feel the same.

I know at least two people who I wouldn’t give CPR to if necessary. And based on what they’ve done (talking serious child abuse resulting in life-long disabilities) I would feel no remorse.

I wouldn’t wish harm or death on someone, but thinking that it’s not a bad thing when that happens isn’t the same. It’s not you doing it.

If the bastard has fucked up his insides by playing mock suicide then he deserves what he gets. Ditto if said stupidity has led to him having cancer.

JamieCannister · 05/05/2025 06:50

I hope, OP, that you can resist gloating and celebrating - not a good look. But, I don't for one second blame you for getting a certain amount of satisfaction that some sort of "justice" might be getting served on someone who has abused you physically (and presumably mentally and emotionally).

Try not to revel, try to forget about him, but don't feel guilty for feeling some sense of justice.

Butchyrestingface · 05/05/2025 06:51

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People aren't MINIMISING animal cruelty. They're simply saying, in response to a very strange post, that it's not WORSE than human cruelty.

What's the matter with you?

JamieCannister · 05/05/2025 06:53

Boreded · 05/05/2025 06:22

Yawn 🥱

it’s one thing to be happy that karma has struck, it’s another to start an online post celebrating it.

if you can’t see the difference here then I don’t really know how I can help you.

please stop replying to me, I cannot be bothered anymore

If it was a post using his real name on the facebook community board in the small village he lives then I agree. But not when it is all anonymous on a global forum

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 05/05/2025 06:56

PullTheBricksDown · 04/05/2025 23:56

Agreed. Plenty of people in this life get things they don't deserve. He has the outcome he deserved from the sound of it. There is a difference between wishing something on someone, and being quietly satisfied they got their just desserts when it happens.

Well, there's quietly sarisfied,mthenbthere's gloating about someone having cancer.
Yes, it seems like the OP was with a shite on a stick, but even if she was pleased he got 'his come-uppance', gloating about it on a public forum serves no purpose and only makes the gloater look petty.
A dignified silence would be more effective

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 05/05/2025 07:02

OP, I wouldn’t wish cancer on anyone. I think you should get some therapy or something because this is not a normal reaction for a well-adjusted human.

I had an abusive stepdad. When he got really unwell years later (mostly as a result of alcoholism) and eventually died, my reaction wasn’t to celebrate it. My feelings were complex but I mainly thought “what a shame he was so unhappy he had to behave like that.”

You can be extremely glad to be out of a situation and never wish to see the person again, hell even hate them if you like. But being glad they get cancer? I can’t fathom it.

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