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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Karma has finally happened

164 replies

stupidstupidstupidgirl · 04/05/2025 21:22

Have name changed for this as don’t want it connected with my current name.

Roughly 7/8 years ago I finally found the courage to leave a very abusive relationship. I had to get a restraining order and move house to get rid of him. He was always threatening to kill himself if I left and would send me pictures of pill packets etc.

Anyway, fast forward, to the other day and I find out on the grapevine that he’s not only having tests for cancer but he’s also fucked his insides and will be on medication for life.

AIBU that karma has finally happened to offset the hurt/drama and general chaos he caused including DV.

I’ve not thought of him for years and this bought back quite a lot of horrible memories. I never sought revenge and have lived my best life since leaving him.

OP posts:
Joysoflife1 · 05/05/2025 08:00

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has been identified in real life, so we've agreed to take this down.

MyDeftDuck · 05/05/2025 08:01

“I never sought revenge and have lived my best life since leaving him” ..then just carry on living your life. He is of no concern to you regardless of his current circumstances. Don’t be an ill wisher, it isn’t an attractive trait.

HideousKinky · 05/05/2025 08:03

Astrabees · 05/05/2025 07:42

Karma is a religious concept, not some fancy way of saying what goes around comes around. Generally if you lead a life which does not involve kindness this stifles in you all the things that might bring you contentment and satisfaction if you were a "better person." I think you need to show yourself a little kindness and acknowledge you don't need these bitter feelings to make yourself feel better, because in reality taking pleasure from someone having cancer is going to bring karma your way in the sense that you will not be able to feel free and happy while you have these feelings.

There is a saying in Isalm:
"Kindness is a mark of faith. He who is without kindness is without faith."
I am not muslim but I have always thought this expresses something profound, not only about religious faith (for those who have it) but faith in life, in oneself, in others

Magentaflies · 05/05/2025 08:04

Lovelysummerdays · 05/05/2025 07:49

I do think it’s a fancy way of what goes around comes around but it’s about your future lives. So when had things happen it’s a consequence of past life misdeeds. If you are “good” in this life then your soul will benefit in future reincarnations.

Yes it is, it’s a religious concept which is pretty much a fancy way of saying what goes around comes around. . Your soul is pure but it accumulates good or bad karma based on your actions and this affects what happens in your next life. It’s a way of explaining why bad things happen to good people.

TeenyTotAndTiny · 05/05/2025 08:04

Magentaflies · 05/05/2025 07:57

It’s completely weird as is your strange and twisted way of ‘justifying’ why being cruel to animals is worst than being cruel to women.

It also shows a stunning lack of understanding of how abusers work and the effects it has on women. There are many reasons why women don’t leave, the psychological effects of the trauma they experience, fear of being murdered if they leave ( a real fear, most women who are murdered by their partners are murdered after leaving), fear of the partner having their children taken from them. Fear he’ll murder the children if they leave.

You like to misconstrue things don’t you. 🙄

FionnulaTheCooler · 05/05/2025 08:06

I don't blame you one bit for thinking "serves him right" OP. He brought it entirely on himself with his own behaviour, I only feel sorry for the medical professionals who will have to deal with him as based on what you've said about his personality I can't imagine he will be a pleasant patient to deal with.

Twentyyearsago20 · 05/05/2025 08:09

I get where you’re coming from OP.
I never wished bad on my alcoholic, abusive ex husband but certainly didn’t cry when I heard he’d died. My first feeling was one of relief, I was now 100% safe.
As you say his news has brought back all the old feelings of fear and misery so it does feel like his just desserts.

Gloriia · 05/05/2025 08:10

HideousKinky · 05/05/2025 07:34

I agree with Barrenfieldoffucks cancer is not some sort of karmic payback.
Construing illness as any sort of punishment is a really destructive way of thinking.

Yes just awful that is seen as 'karma'.

Karma would sure of have been if he'd gone on to be treated badly in a relationship himself and realised the errors of his ways.

Cancer is not karma. I realise you have backtracked op but I'd ask for this to be removed as it is really offensive for those who have suffered cancer.

stupidstupidstupidgirl · 05/05/2025 08:12

The people I do feel sorry for are any future women that he snares. He’ll use this medical thing to his advantage and leech off others like he did me. He really is the epitome of an abusive man and dangerous with it.

OP posts:
DodgersJammyAndOtherwise · 05/05/2025 08:13

I get it @stupidstupidstupidgirl

My ex treated me very badly and if I had left him, he would have killed me.

Luckily he found an OW and left. That fell apart very quickly and ...well, I looked at his FB once a year to find that he had developed cancer and then another look stated that died in 2022.

I felt relieved.

JudgeyJudie · 05/05/2025 08:21

stupidstupidstupidgirl · 04/05/2025 21:22

Have name changed for this as don’t want it connected with my current name.

Roughly 7/8 years ago I finally found the courage to leave a very abusive relationship. I had to get a restraining order and move house to get rid of him. He was always threatening to kill himself if I left and would send me pictures of pill packets etc.

Anyway, fast forward, to the other day and I find out on the grapevine that he’s not only having tests for cancer but he’s also fucked his insides and will be on medication for life.

AIBU that karma has finally happened to offset the hurt/drama and general chaos he caused including DV.

I’ve not thought of him for years and this bought back quite a lot of horrible memories. I never sought revenge and have lived my best life since leaving him.

I'm with you darling. I had DV in one of my relationships and had babies to look after too. (not his) I hope he has time to wallow and think about his life. And you do know Karma isn't real, so go ahead and gloat xx

jewelcase · 05/05/2025 08:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

This left me open mouthed.

‘Disgusting and deplorable’ apart from with the following exceptions I deem it appropriate to revel in someone having cancer.

Berlinlover · 05/05/2025 08:24

I was diagnosed with cancer just over a year and a half ago. I’ve gone through absolute hell after having four surgeries and chemotherapy. I hope nobody is gloating about my misfortune the way you are about your ex.

Eagle2025 · 05/05/2025 08:24

PyongyangKipperbang · 05/05/2025 02:12

The only reason he isnt a murderer is that he failed to actually kill the OP, despite attempting.

I tell you what is disgusting and deplorable is you trying to suggest that him kicking a dog is worse than attempting to murder the OP.

To be fair when this person posted the OP hadnt mentioned attempted murder at that point, just that he was abusive.

Magentaflies · 05/05/2025 08:37

TeenyTotAndTiny · 05/05/2025 08:04

You like to misconstrue things don’t you. 🙄

It was a plain reading of what you said. If you meant to say something else, you need to improve your communication

Arancia · 05/05/2025 08:38

.

Arancia · 05/05/2025 08:39

sprigatito · 04/05/2025 22:55

I don’t condone the schadenfreude either, but…your post implies that animal cruelty is worse than cruelty to the OP. Which is weird Confused

Yeah, I was going to ask the poster:

Why does animal abuse warrant "justification", but woman abuse does not? Are you saying animals are more worthy of justice than women are?

ticktockali · 05/05/2025 08:40

The lasting effects of domestic abuse are also terminal. I agree with the OP.

Magentaflies · 05/05/2025 08:46

Gloriia · 05/05/2025 08:10

Yes just awful that is seen as 'karma'.

Karma would sure of have been if he'd gone on to be treated badly in a relationship himself and realised the errors of his ways.

Cancer is not karma. I realise you have backtracked op but I'd ask for this to be removed as it is really offensive for those who have suffered cancer.

Under the religious belief of karma, one absolutely can get cancer as a result of bad karma in a previous life. Being born with a disability also. Anything really. Karma is a way of explaining why things happen. Why good things happen to bad people, and bad things happen to good people. It’s a way of trying to impose a system of justice on an apparently unjust world.

I know someone who believes in karma and for her it’s a comfort to believe her traumatic experience of violence was due to bad karma accumulated in a previous life. For her, this is a more comforting explanation than it just being random, and therefore, in her mind, ‘unjust’.

It doesn’t work as an explanation for me, but it works for other people.

TeenyTotAndTiny · 05/05/2025 08:48

Magentaflies · 05/05/2025 08:37

It was a plain reading of what you said. If you meant to say something else, you need to improve your communication

There you go again, misconstruing things. Carry on with your little rant if you have got nothing better to do. I stand by what I have said and won’t be reading any more of your drivel.

Magentaflies · 05/05/2025 08:50

stupidstupidstupidgirl · 05/05/2025 08:12

The people I do feel sorry for are any future women that he snares. He’ll use this medical thing to his advantage and leech off others like he did me. He really is the epitome of an abusive man and dangerous with it.

Absolutely this. I know a man who I know is out there right now, manipulating other women, abusing them.

If he died I’d think it was just and I’d be glad he was finally stopped from hurting future women.

Magentaflies · 05/05/2025 08:51

TeenyTotAndTiny · 05/05/2025 08:48

There you go again, misconstruing things. Carry on with your little rant if you have got nothing better to do. I stand by what I have said and won’t be reading any more of your drivel.

Resorting to insults confirms my interpretation was correct.

JamieCannister · 05/05/2025 08:54

HideousKinky · 05/05/2025 07:34

I agree with Barrenfieldoffucks cancer is not some sort of karmic payback.
Construing illness as any sort of punishment is a really destructive way of thinking.

Cancer is in and of itself not some sort of karmic payback... but sometimes it feels like it when it happens to manipulative violent abusers

JamieCannister · 05/05/2025 08:56

Astrabees · 05/05/2025 07:42

Karma is a religious concept, not some fancy way of saying what goes around comes around. Generally if you lead a life which does not involve kindness this stifles in you all the things that might bring you contentment and satisfaction if you were a "better person." I think you need to show yourself a little kindness and acknowledge you don't need these bitter feelings to make yourself feel better, because in reality taking pleasure from someone having cancer is going to bring karma your way in the sense that you will not be able to feel free and happy while you have these feelings.

I think you need to show her a little kindness and acknowledge that OP is allowed to feel however she feels

Gloriia · 05/05/2025 08:58

'Under the religious belief of karma, one absolutely can get cancer as a result of bad karma in a previous life. Being born with a disability also.'

Most people do not refer to the religious belief, rather the common interpretation that we hope some get their comeuppance.

It is fine to hope people people who have treated us badly are miserable but it is highly insensitive to call cancer karma.

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