DH said he's leaving because I'm having another drink

[Swimswimmswimswimswim]

I have just hosted all my in laws 8 adults and more children, including my own 4 under 5! Full roast dinner, made it, cooked it, cleaned it, cleaned entire house before and looked after everyone. No one else did anything really other than DH carving the meat. I have filled everyone's drinks ho5 and cold. Fed dn a snack by hand. Bf one of my dc and now after they have left I have opened another bottle of wine and said this one is mine. DH has said if I drink it he is leaving. Aibu to tell him to crack on as I have had enough!

I sympathise, @Swimswimmswimswimswim
My husband had a huge family and due to his job we moved several times.
His family would visit - all summer long, in shifts. One group would come for a week and then I’d have a week off to clean house and stock up on groceries and liquor for the next group. I loved them dearly but it was exhausting. And we flew through the money.
Drinking (which I certainly did) was the least of the issues.
It’s difficult to have guests all summer long at every home you live in your entire married life.
My ex-husband never helped.

I had a very similar story to you. I also had great trouble expressing myself healthily. I was (and still am to some degree, although improving) a people pleaser by nature and had low self esteem (still low,but much better) so I'd keep smiling, say nothing and put up with things I shouldn't, take on too much, not say no when I should. Then I'd drink (too much) to escape how I felt - turn into a cow. Then back to square one.

Its horribly uncomfortable for me to say what I really think, to say no, to put in boundaries , but I can do it at the times I really need to. The more you do it, the easier it gets. I'm a work in progress for sure. But being tee total means I don't have to have my self esteem pummeled into the floor further and actually have an ounce of self respect.

Sounds like you have worked your ars€ off to prepare the day, but also sounds like you might not be sharing the full story.
If you have another drink he goes? How many you’ve had previously and what’s your relationship with alcohol?

So rude!?!

I used to do exactly as you mentioned in your post OP. I loved that feeling of few everyone has had a great day, my time to relax now with a quiet glass or two. My DH never once complained in fact he joined me.

So presumably this is one where OP never returns to answer the critical question with detail of the obvious back story.

I may be reading waaaaay too much in to this but by the odd punctuation and phrasing in the last update, I feel OP’s had her bottle of wine

Ah I have been this person (pre-children) never understood why my friends, partners, restauranteurs , bar staff etc were suggesting I had had enough to drink.
now I understand why.
Incidentally my dad was an alcoholic.
one of my good friends gets upset whenever her child or partner suggest she’s had enough to drink, it often shows more to people than you think it does and can be a massive cause for discomfort, anxiety and fear for onlookers and loved ones, even if you think you’re holding it together

I’d imagine he’s tired and bored of your drunken antics. Grow up. Be an adult. Cope with life, don’t drink your life away.

Same.

Who says you can't?

If I drank a whole bottle of wine to myself I could be drunk enough to risk vomiting, and definitely would be drunk enough to sleep weirdly with horrible nightmares and trouble controlling my temperature. I know, because I’ve done it one or twice a long time ago as an idiotic student.
That’s clearly far too drunk to be looking after kids, especially if you’re going to be breastfeeding one through the night.
I know that breastmilk only contains the same amount of alcohol as your blood does, but babies don’t process that small amount of alcohol very efficiently so anyone who is regularly drinking enough that a whole bottle of wine isn’t going to make them feel too drunk to look after their small children and breastfeeding baby/toddler is exposing that breastfed child to a very regular quantity of alcohol through the milk. I don’t know how much or how often you have to drink alcohol before it starts having an effect on a breastfed baby - it would depend on the baby’s age and weight anyway, but I’m not confident that entire bottles of wine on a regular (daily?) basis are safe, in the way I am about a glass of wine occasionally.

That's you though.

The only problem with drinking and breastfeeding is being too drunk.to look after the baby. If you drank enough to have the slightest effect on even a small baby you'd be dead.

Some of us can drink a bottle and be perfectly fine.

Why is Mr 1950s the joint carver waiting for the final drink. Why didn't he suggest slowing down earlier, so you could both sit down together.

Does he often pick reasons to leave? Does he often wait for that crucial one too many, so he can put you down? Maybe the thought of his company when all others had left is what makes you want a drink.
I'm not looking for you to answer, more something to ask yourself.

Why don't you get a new username and talk about anything bothering you on say the Relationship Board or 30 Days. Not today obviously, but when you feel like it. There must be plenty to say and it doesn't have to include drinking, unless you want it to.

Are you okay op?

Why don’t you put the wine down for a moment, and tell us why you need it so much this evening?

It sounds like an exhausting day for you.

It’s more about if you can safely hold a baby and not fall asleep on the baby after drinking a whole bottle of wine.

So you’re an alcoholic.

You’re breastfeeding and just declared an entire bottle of wine is yours.

My cousin is an alcoholic. She has alcohol induced dementia. She cooked her pancreas so she’s now diabetic, her organs are failing and she gets all of the fluid drained from her stomach when it gets so bad and she goes to the ER. She’s so far gone that her alcohol abuse will kill her.

The reason I’m telling you this is because when she had her first baby (before anyone was even concerned by her drinking) she told me she would drink a glass of wine while she’s breastfeeding because it made her baby sleep for longer when she put him down for a nap.

You’re breastfeeding and drinking - you remind me of her - thinking you know best about drinking and breastfeeding.

If your dh is that concerned about your drinking that he is threatening to leave you then your drinking IS a problem to him.

I'm not saying he is right or wrong. I've had my own struggles with alcohol.

You know if yo have an issue or not. You don't need anyone else to tell you. And only you can do anything about it.

I wish you well x

Haven’t you posted exactly this before, OP?

On the face of it, YANBU. I’d be chilling with a glass of wine after doing all that! My DP would’ve poured it for me. But then again he wouldn’t have left me to clean, cook and entertain alone.

As PPs have already said, there must be more to it if your DH is seriously saying he’ll leave you. Are you already pissed from drinking all day? Do you drink a lot on a regular basis?

4 kids under 5 is intense, both physically and mentally. What’s your set up? Does your DH share the childcare? Do you have other support?

It’s not recommended to drive after even a small amount of alcohol but perfectly fine to look after a baby after a whole bottle 🙄 okay

If you think a whole bottle of wine isn’t affecting you you must have a high tolerance due to over drinking. Maybe get help.

Who said she is breastfeeding?? I'm sure he could make them a bottle

Four children under five years old, drinking enough to drive spouse away.

Good lord. Please re-think your life choices and start making better ones.

Don't waste so much energy on him or his family, go do your own thing. I'm sure you wouldn't feel the need to drink so much If you were happier

I read this exact post a little while back. Personally I wouldn’t arrange a day like this i do like to cook for people but not that many. I’d rather go out for Sunday lunch with a group. Yep think op may be sozzled now and not returning.