DH said he's leaving because I'm having another drink

[Swimswimmswimswimswim]

I have just hosted all my in laws 8 adults and more children, including my own 4 under 5! Full roast dinner, made it, cooked it, cleaned it, cleaned entire house before and looked after everyone. No one else did anything really other than DH carving the meat. I have filled everyone's drinks ho5 and cold. Fed dn a snack by hand. Bf one of my dc and now after they have left I have opened another bottle of wine and said this one is mine. DH has said if I drink it he is leaving. Aibu to tell him to crack on as I have had enough!

To be honest I don't think a whole bottle on occasion is unhealthy if you enjoy wine. It's only 3 large glasses. However, it depends on circumstance. Is OP drinking this daily to blot things out or is it her once a week treat?

Good spot @TicklishReader .

OP, is this you? Almost identical scenario down to the bf-ing.

DH has said if I drink it he is leaving. Aibu to tell him to crack on as I have had enough!

Depends.

Are you a nasty drunk? Are you mean to him or the kids? Do you tend to embarrass yourself or act irrationally? Will you be able to function in the morning or will you be moaning about a hangover all day?

My Dad is in this position and his Mrs is routinely abusive and generally vile when drunk. She then wakes up the next morning remembering nothing and expects him to just forget that she's been screaming at him and smashing shit up.

If you're anything like that, I hope he does leave.

Are you an alcoholic? It’s a weird threat? I’m drinking a bottle of wine. Also breastfeeding…

There is nothing " judgy " about stating that drinking a bottle of wine when breastfeeding isn't healthy .

I feel like we're missing some information here @Swimswimmswimswimswim, like do you have a problem with alcohol? Has he commented on your drinking before? Have you been drinking while doing the prep/having guests over and are intending to drink more now, or have you not touched a drop while they were there?

If you're breastfeeding then a whole bottle of wine isn't a great idea #understatement

I thought I was going mad when I read the op dated today, was sure I’d read exactly the same thread a few months ago.
Anyway op hasn’t come back with any updates - all in all it seems they probably drink too much and the husband has had enough. Not sure him leaving the house with small children and a drunk/tipsy wife is the solution here.

I don't know about your drinking habits but your husband sounds useless. Leaving you running round after them all...while he carried out the monumental manly task of meat carving...let me guess, he expected you and all the other guests to marvel at his talent. How would you have managed without him?!

She probably forgot she posted about it

Wow! No, the OPs husband should have helped! He’s acting like an entitled twat!

I was just thinking the same thing

That is such an extreme reaction that there must be something more. Do you have issues with alcohol?

Please don't drink a bottle of wine and bf.

Maybe don't host such a big event if you feel stressed/knackered. I've never hosted that many people, not my thing tbh!

Clearly the backstory is missing. PP's have said OP has divulged alcohol probs in pp's.

Yes - thought I’d had a Deja Vu

You don't actually have to cook for people and wait on them. Why do you? I've never done it and it's not something I'd even think about doing.

Judging by the amount of spelling mistakes, you may have already had one drink too much and may have a drinking problem. So I think there’s more to this story.

This is word for word like another post from a few months ago, OP

So to answer a questions. I'm.not.AI and I'm not the same one from before. I know all about breastfeeding and drinking so it's ok. I need to learn to ask for help

Here you go. 💕
No time like the present...

www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk

OP, the two posts are virtually identical. Stop being so put upon by your DH and in-laws.

The drinking is a separate issue.

So what reason does your husband have to be so frustrated by you having a glass of wine?

Honestly drinking a whole bottle of wine in anger whilst breast feeding is a drink problem whether you want to admit it or not.

There's a back story (yours sincerely an ex problem drinker) takes one to know one I'm afraid 😉

Your partner doesn't threaten to leave if you'l crack open a bottle of wine after an exhausting day.

He may do if he's been put through a lot courtesy of a history with drinking too much and all that goes with it.

People traumatised by someone else's drinking can flinch and be on edge at the mere sound of a glass bottle clinking.

Drinking addictively usually has a cause (mental health problems, trauma ) and that's not the drinkers fault . But it IS their responsibility to address.

Ps I use to do all the orchestrated martyrdom. Burn myself out, host extravagant dinners, decline help and then throw a tantrum when i felt hard done by because of it. (Great excuse to drink isn't it ) I grew boundaries when I stopped and didn't martyr myself with people that didn't give in return.

When I threw in the towel and packed it in ,my life and my mental health improved phenomenally (as did everyone's around me) best thing I ever done.

You've got to want to do it though- that's the crux. (No 12 step meetings here) It's very much possible.

Good luck. Stop living this half life. You'll destroy yourself and the people you love.

SquashedMallow
nicely said.
I drank too much and did too much too, felt like I should because he had a full time job and I felt guilty. Then I’d get stressed and bored and anxious and to try and recreate a happier pre child time, I’d open the wine while cooking.
I actually didn’t realize the effect it was having on my anxiety, energy and irrationally. After a few glasses I’d vent my frustration, not the best idea.
i had counseling to help me learn to be more assertive, it might help you?
good luck with it all.