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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend not talking to me because I shared a photo from her Wedding

660 replies

ByTidyHare · 04/05/2025 16:53

I attended my best friends wedding a few weeks ago. The day after, I posted some photos to Instagram which were mainly of me and my DP, with one of them of myself and my friend.

This was posted in the morning and on the same afternoon, my friend messaged me to ask I took it down as she didn’t want any photos posted from the day. I said of course and removed it. Before the ceremony, there was an announcement not to upload anything to social media which I assumed related solely to the ceremony and as we were quite near the back, I didn’t take any photos of this anyway. The photo of my friend and I was taken later that evening.

My friend went on her honeymoon soon after. I learnt from another friend whilst she was away that she was really upset with me for uploading the photo and that it ruined her reveal of the day/dress with professional photos as people would have seen it on my page for the few hours it was uploaded.

I didn’t want to message my friend whilst she was still away so I waited until she returned. I apologised, said I was horrified and that I’d mis-understood the instructions thinking they only related to the ceremony.

She replied to say she was still really upset and that I took away the reveal which she’d only have one chance to do in her life and she can’t believe I ignored her wishes. I again apologised but she hasn’t spoke to me since and I’ve learnt from another friend that she doesn’t think she will forgive me.

AIBU to think my friend is now over reacting or is her reaction proportionate?

OP posts:
2chocolateoranges · 04/05/2025 17:15

Everyone knows not to post any pictures of the bride and groom until the bride and groom have shared photos themselves.its common courtesy.

ypu were in the wrong.

Itisjustmyopinion · 04/05/2025 17:16

Redpeach · 04/05/2025 17:10

I love weddings, but had no idea if this 'basic wedding etiquette' you speak of - utterly bonkers

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Really? You didn’t know it was polite to not put something on social media that you have been asked not to. That’s bonkers to me, to use your words

Same for any major life event. Seen several baby announcements over the years not from the parents because people desperately have to be the first to update Facebook or Instagram. Which is pretty pathetic

whitewineandsun · 04/05/2025 17:16

Createausername1970 · 04/05/2025 16:58

Sorry OP, but in my opinion you are both as bad.

Firstly, what is all the crap about a "reveal" of the dress? Lord help us. Most people won't give a flying monkey about it.

Secondly, don't post photos of other people on social media without their permission.

Agree with this.

blueleavesgreensky · 04/05/2025 17:16

BethDuttonYeHaw · 04/05/2025 17:06

Is it? really?

I’m 50. I’ve been to a few weddings in my time and have never heard of such a rule.

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Forget that it’s a wedding and that the bride explicitly asked people not to, but you NEVER post pictures of other people without getting their OK. It’s online 101. So rude.

Original poster
ByTidyHare · 04/05/2025 17:17

2chocolateoranges · 04/05/2025 17:15

Everyone knows not to post any pictures of the bride and groom until the bride and groom have shared photos themselves.its common courtesy.

ypu were in the wrong.

To be honest I’m not an avid social media user and didn’t really think to check either of their pages - her husband doesn’t post anything at all anyway and her posts are often about perfume because she sells this online and that’s how she has got quite a few followers. But I don’t think she really knows many of them in person.

OP posts:
Dontbeme · 04/05/2025 17:18

Don't worry OP, she'll fall out with someone else when they forget her one year wedding anniversary (I have witnessed this, a complete meltdown as friends didn't send happy wedding anniversary cards, I didn't know it was a thing)

comeandhaveteawithme · 04/05/2025 17:18

Going against the grain here but YABU. Why did you do that to your friend when she specifically asked that you not upload any pictures of her wedding? Was it that hard not to do that?

IDontLikePinaColadas · 04/05/2025 17:18

I work in the wedding industry and have seen this request quite often - the couple (read bride) wants the best pro shots going out before anything else.

Whilst I agree with PPs that it’s pretentious as hell, there was a pretty clear announcement by all accounts not to post, although her having a full on meltdown with you about it even after taking it down and apologising is a taking it too far.

DappledThings · 04/05/2025 17:19

The whole aiming there are rules about this is nonsense too. You invite people to your wedding then you're inviting them to enjoy it and if that includes posting their own photos to their own social media then that's part of it.

I have no idea who posted photos of my wedding and when. I didn't expect to have to give permission. Such preciousness is ridiculous and it shouldn't be encouraged by people claiming there's a code and that that code is reasonable.

BoredZelda · 04/05/2025 17:19

She asked you not to post anything from the wedding. Your friend in her dress was from the wedding. However ridiculous you think her plans were, you agreed to the rules then broke them. I’d be pissed off too.

She is allowed to be as annoyed as she wants. You are allowed to re-evaluate your friendship if you want. But you don’t get to decide if how she feels is reasonable.

Original poster
ByTidyHare · 04/05/2025 17:19

I have apologised sincerely more than once now and to be honest don’t really want to have to start grovelling because it’s beginning to feel OTT from her. When she eventually posted photos from the day she got a lot of likes and the people following me are mainly mutual friends who were all at the wedding so it’s not as if it was really revealed to that many people.

OP posts:
andweallloveclover · 04/05/2025 17:19

The reveal 🤣🤣 She sounds like a proper bloody princess. I’m pretty sure that not many people, who were not at the wedding, will
give a flying fuck about her wedding dress and her big reveal 🙄

I mean, asking guests not to upload photos from the day? Is this really a proper thing now?

You have done all you can. You have apologised that you misunderstood and she can either accept your apology or carry on sulking about something only she gives a shit about. I don’t think you can do much more.

BethDuttonYeHaw · 04/05/2025 17:19

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 04/05/2025 17:11

Yes it is. It's the same type of 'big event's as birth of babies, you don't put photos or announcements up when someone else has a baby, same you don't put a photo of the bride/groom until they have and announced their wedding. They even had a sign to say no photos on social media.

Lots of people don't care, but some people, like OPs friend obviously do care and it is their life event.

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Oh well it seems that these rules haven’t been communicated to literally anyone I know.

i can also see plenty of others on this thread are oblivious to these ‘rules’ too

fair enough in this case where there was an announcement but the idea that in general these rules exist for weddings is a new one on me.

comeandhaveteawithme · 04/05/2025 17:20

ByTidyHare · 04/05/2025 17:17

To be honest I’m not an avid social media user and didn’t really think to check either of their pages - her husband doesn’t post anything at all anyway and her posts are often about perfume because she sells this online and that’s how she has got quite a few followers. But I don’t think she really knows many of them in person.

Show quote history

"Before the ceremony, there was an announcement not to upload anything to social media"

You knew full well you weren't supposed to do it

You're as bad as those people who announce someone else's baby has been born before the couple get to do it themselves.

Yellowpingu · 04/05/2025 17:20

She’s understandably hurt that you ignored her wishes, why would you think it would just apply to the day? I once asked something similar, not because there was going to be a ‘reveal’ but because I’m a very private person. I’m overweight and disabled so I don’t like many pictures of myself. It was a small family event for our silver wedding anniversary with 30 guests and I posted a single picture of me, DH, DS & his GF that I was happy with. The next morning the comments were full of pictures and videos that a member of DH’s family had posted that I hadn’t even realised she’d taken, including a very emotional speech by my DH and she had the nerve to ask if I had footage of something else that happened at the event because she wanted to share that too. Even though other people had seen her comments I removed them all. Our relationship has never truly recovered from it unfortunately. I hope you can regain your friendship.

BoredZelda · 04/05/2025 17:20

DappledThings · 04/05/2025 17:19

The whole aiming there are rules about this is nonsense too. You invite people to your wedding then you're inviting them to enjoy it and if that includes posting their own photos to their own social media then that's part of it.

I have no idea who posted photos of my wedding and when. I didn't expect to have to give permission. Such preciousness is ridiculous and it shouldn't be encouraged by people claiming there's a code and that that code is reasonable.

People can choose to have whatever rules they want just as you can choose not to attend.

CamillaMacauley · 04/05/2025 17:20

Blimey. I’d be really cross to be honest if I were you. Does she really think so little of you she’d use your friendship over something which firstly is so ridiculous and secondly you’ve apologised. You’re probably better off without her.

Topseyt123 · 04/05/2025 17:20

Well, she's being OTT talking about the big "reveal" as though she's some sort of royalty or celebrity.

However, I don't think anyone should post pictures of others on social media without their express permission to do so. People can have all sorts of reasons for not wanting photos uploaded and displayed online.

People who have escaped from abusers might not want anything put up online for obvious reasons.

Whatever the reason, you were specifically requested not to do this and you disregarded that so I understand her being angry. All you can do is apologise profusely, as you have done, and hope that she simmers down soon.

Learn from this for the future. Have people's permission before uploading photos of them to any social media platform.

Livingbeyondyourmemes · 04/05/2025 17:21

Dear lord, what is it about social media addicts and all their "reveals"? Is everything they experience seen and performed through the lens of instagram likes?

notprincehamlet · 04/05/2025 17:21

it ruined her reveal of the day/dress ...
Stop the world I want to get off

devildeepbluesea · 04/05/2025 17:21

Well, at least now you know your best mate is a massive twat.

Big reveal for fucks sake. What a knob.

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 04/05/2025 17:21

Some people like to be precious because it makes them feel important. It's a bit sad, but what can you do.

I suppose it does make a difference if you have social media privacy or not. If you have private settings and only your close friends can see your photos, she's being completely ridiculous.

If you have 100s of random people following you, while no-one cares about her wedding really, It's more understandable that she wouldn't want her photo published.

Strict "rules" about photos in social media are idiotic anyway, it's stupid to expect that no photo of you will appear anywhere. People take photos, if you happen to be in the background, you will be seen. And again, no one actually cares.

ThejoyofNC · 04/05/2025 17:21

Oh FFS not another "reveal".

Why does everything need to be revealed these days? Surely those who she cared about already saw her, because they were there?

Greenfields20 · 04/05/2025 17:22

It is pretentious nonsense. In the days before social media people would have photos that included the bride and groom and would be able to show them to whoever they wanted whenever they wanted. This social media rule is pretentious.

WhereIsMyLight · 04/05/2025 17:22

I’ve seen a few people not say it’s the rule or basic etiquette of weddings. It’s not. I got married 10 years ago and social media existed. This is about the time that people started doing unplugged ceremonies so that they didn’t end up with 100 phone screens in their professional photos. It has spiralled into this “rule” you can’t share before the couple does. If you want to reveal the dress to any of the people, invite them to the actual day. Pay for their meal otherwise it’s just an exercise in vapid narcissism. I’m not guilty of posting before a couple has before anyone starts, I rarely use social media.

People posted pictures of our wedding, including me before I posted anything because 1) I was busy dealing with after wedding/pre honeymoon stuff and 2) I was busy catching up with friends and family and spending time with my new husband. It was actually really nice to see people posts of people having fun at our wedding, catching up with friends, dancing. It was great to see the bits we had missed and we looked over everyone’s pictures waiting for our plane at the airport.