Friend not talking to me because I shared a photo from her Wedding

[ByTidyHare]

I attended my best friends wedding a few weeks ago. The day after, I posted some photos to Instagram which were mainly of me and my DP, with one of them of myself and my friend.

This was posted in the morning and on the same afternoon, my friend messaged me to ask I took it down as she didn’t want any photos posted from the day. I said of course and removed it. Before the ceremony, there was an announcement not to upload anything to social media which I assumed related solely to the ceremony and as we were quite near the back, I didn’t take any photos of this anyway. The photo of my friend and I was taken later that evening.

My friend went on her honeymoon soon after. I learnt from another friend whilst she was away that she was really upset with me for uploading the photo and that it ruined her reveal of the day/dress with professional photos as people would have seen it on my page for the few hours it was uploaded.

I didn’t want to message my friend whilst she was still away so I waited until she returned. I apologised, said I was horrified and that I’d mis-understood the instructions thinking they only related to the ceremony.

She replied to say she was still really upset and that I took away the reveal which she’d only have one chance to do in her life and she can’t believe I ignored her wishes. I again apologised but she hasn’t spoke to me since and I’ve learnt from another friend that she doesn’t think she will forgive me.

AIBU to think my friend is now over reacting or is her reaction proportionate?

What an utter knob. I am cringing for her. Nobody gives a flying f* about her big reveal.

it ruined her reveal of the day/dress with professional photos

🤣🤣🤣🤣 I couldn’t be friends with someone this highly strung.

I would have assumed no photos means on the day itself not afterwards.

and anyway surely the people she truly cares about seeing the “reveal” already saw it at the actual wedding!?

or is just the random bunch of people on her social media she wants to “reveal” to!?

”The reveal”??? FFS, she got married. Thousands of people do it, everyday. She needs to get over herself.

She's being utterly ridiculous and actually it shows her social media curation is more important than her friendship with her best friend (she's not a bloody celebrity, nobody cares!) This says an awful lot about her.

I love weddings and I don't think op was unreasonable.
I just don't really like this self absorbed OTT insta lifestyle.
From reading posts like yours I can see some people would think its the norm not to post this sort of thing on SM but most people I know wouldn't think twice about doing it.
I don't actually use SM like that so wouldn't do it myself

She’s being ridiculous. Who does she want to reveal her dress to that wasn’t actually at the wedding??

The big reveal ??!! Omg when did people get like this??? As long as everyone had a good time at the wedding and everyone enjoyed the day what does it matter???

No I couldn't either. This would be my cue to back away slowly.

I can see the bride's POV here. The morning after my wedding one of DH's friends posted essentially every photo she took during the day. It included loads of really unflattering photos of me - talking to other people, mouth open, double chins etc. I asked her to remove the photos of me and she deleted everything, not just photos of me.

Lesson learnt here. Don't post photos of a bride and groom on social media before they do. It may seem silly, but this is the modern world of social media.

I love weddings, but had no idea if this 'basic wedding etiquette' you speak of - utterly bonkers

This!

I'm scratching my head trying to figure out what the definition of "a reveal". @ByTidyHare and everyone else at the ceremony was told not to take photos during it. I would have interpret that as not taking photos in the church / reception (the bit where they're getting married). The disco, which takes place in the evening, is another kettle of fish and it's common knowledge that you can take photos in the function room.

TL;DR

The ceremony (the getting married bit) - don't take photos

The disco / evening part - you can take photos

As long as these 2 parts are respected, then you can't really police what gets posted online afterwards as long as it's not offensive. Seems like offended bridezilla's gonna offended. YANBU OP.

Yes it is. It's the same type of 'big event's as birth of babies, you don't put photos or announcements up when someone else has a baby, same you don't put a photo of the bride/groom until they have and announced their wedding. They even had a sign to say no photos on social media.

Lots of people don't care, but some people, like OPs friend obviously do care and it is their life event.

Surely anyone who matters was there anyway? So how can there be a ‘reveal’?

Shes being very precious.

She asked you to not but you did anyway. What a shame she's still upset, you have apologised for the fuck-up.

I had some sympathy for her initially but her response to your apology made me roll my eyes.

And presumably it will be months before she gets the professional pictures and by that time literally nobody will give a shit.

I am only now learning that looking at a picture is 'a reveal'.
This is incredibly far-fetched and no-one will care as much as she does -
Unless it was a really wacky dress designed to shock?

However, she asked not to post photos so I would have not posted photos - the reception is part of the wedding just as much as the ceremony is, so you'd have to be quite wilfully misunderstanding the instructions to decide your need to put photos of yourself online for everyone to see were definitely not crossing the line.

In short - You ABU to have posted despite instructions
She is BU to care after you've apologised and to imagine people are on tenterhooks for her 'reveal' as though she is Davina announcing who is being kicked out of Big Brother.

She’s being ridiculous.

This is why I think the baby thing is entirely different. Because I can totally see why you wouldn’t want that announced on Facebook by someone else before you’d had a chance to tell the people that mattered.

A wedding is entirely different because the majority of the people who matter will be there. It’s pure vanity.

It’s a ‘thing’ now isn’t it? Whilst I think it’s a bunch of old arse, she did ask you not to do it so it was obviously important to her and you did it anyway. It’s unsurprising that she’s pissed off about it. All you can do is apologise and wait for her to come round and for christs sake do NOT share a photo of her baby or pregnancy news before she does.

Yeah she was being over the top but separately were you born in a bush? You NEVER post pictures of other people without asking their permission. That is online 101 and I would find someone doing this really super rude and annoying.

do not post pictures of other people unless it’s random people in the background in a public space.

Surely anyone who would care what the dress looked like were at the wedding?

Tedious crap. They have had “their moment” at the bloody wedding? Are people soooooo utterly focused on social media that this actually matters? And so self absorbed that they think anyone else actually cares? I hate to tell you, but most people just don’t. Any anyone who actually would was in fact, at the wedding?

This isn’t a rule! The first photo uploaded of me at my wedding - admittedly over a decade ago now - had me looking like a bulldog chewing a wasp. Honestly, I looked like I was about to chin the person who took the photo! (I’m not an aggressive person in the slightest) I just thought it was funny! Yes, there were far nicer photos but this is the ‘social’ bit of social media. Lean in or opt out.