Friend not talking to me because I shared a photo from her Wedding

[ByTidyHare]

I attended my best friends wedding a few weeks ago. The day after, I posted some photos to Instagram which were mainly of me and my DP, with one of them of myself and my friend.

This was posted in the morning and on the same afternoon, my friend messaged me to ask I took it down as she didn’t want any photos posted from the day. I said of course and removed it. Before the ceremony, there was an announcement not to upload anything to social media which I assumed related solely to the ceremony and as we were quite near the back, I didn’t take any photos of this anyway. The photo of my friend and I was taken later that evening.

My friend went on her honeymoon soon after. I learnt from another friend whilst she was away that she was really upset with me for uploading the photo and that it ruined her reveal of the day/dress with professional photos as people would have seen it on my page for the few hours it was uploaded.

I didn’t want to message my friend whilst she was still away so I waited until she returned. I apologised, said I was horrified and that I’d mis-understood the instructions thinking they only related to the ceremony.

She replied to say she was still really upset and that I took away the reveal which she’d only have one chance to do in her life and she can’t believe I ignored her wishes. I again apologised but she hasn’t spoke to me since and I’ve learnt from another friend that she doesn’t think she will forgive me.

AIBU to think my friend is now over reacting or is her reaction proportionate?

Reveal?Didn't even know what it meant until I saw replies. Totally ridiculous. Who is she supposed to be revealing to?Everyone saw her dress at wedding. What a self centred brat. Who needs a friend like that?You did what most people do. Post photos .!!
Ok you made a mistake. No big deal. I wouldn't want a friend like that.

My mum shared photos she'd taken on her phone at my wedding to social media and it did upset me. To be fair I hadn't thought to tell anyone not to (it was a covid wedding with just 16 people) but I wasn't expecting my mum to upload so many pictures without asking me first. She's no photographer and they weren't great. For context I previously struggled with body image issues and still did at the time, but on the day I had felt the most beautiful I'd ever felt. It did knock my self esteem to see pictures that made me second guess that. And yes of course the most important thing was marrying the love of my life, but you can feel two things at the same time. When the photographer's photos came back they restored that feeling of confidence I'd had on the day, I wish they'd been the first photos I or anyone else had seen. Here's one of hers vs one of the photographers for comparison.

But, all your mum sees is her beautiful girl, all grown up, on her wedding day. 💕💐

@sunheart123

I really think the posters here are answering the wrong question.

The issue isn't whether or not it's ok to request no photos till the big reveal.

The issue is that OP apologised wholeheartedly and rectified it after a misunderstanding and her so-called best friend is refusing - still - to forgive her.

Some mistakes are unforgivable. If my friend reversed her car over a member of my family and left them in critical condition even though I knew it was a mistake and they regretted it, I'd likely not be able to forgive them. But a simple misunderstanding, that probably nobody noticed, certainly nobody cared and also, OP will not have been the only one... Feck that.

I would honestly be binning the friendship off unless she returns with a "omg I'm so embarrassed, honestly the stress of the wedding sent me a little insane".

You look stunning in both frankly.

The issue with this is that the professional photos often come out much later by which point the moment has passed. One friend did ask us not to, which I respected, but I don't really see the point.

And as for the dress reveal, the people who are most interested will be at the ceremony. They'll have seen it.

Of course, but honestly it can feel quite invasive and violating having photos of you taken and shared without permission or the chance to vet them first. Especially if you struggle with seeing photos of yourself at all and are excessively critical of your own looks. I realise that may sound irrational and princessy to some people, but it's very real to others. It's something I've tried to lighten up on and come to terms with as I've got older, but it can be very hard to deal with. Social media makes it far far worse than the days of old photos that stayed relatively private. At least you didn't know who was showing them to whom. On your wedding day of all days, you want to feel happy and confident when looking at yourself in photos, and you deserve to.

My friend, let's call her Ann, has a group photo of about ten of us girlfriends at a celebration. It was a very hastily taken snapshot when we were all a bit worse for wear and a couple of us are blinking, or looking the wrong way or whatever. It's an absolutely DREADFUL photo of another friend who I'll call Sue. She looks like spaced out zombie. It's just unfortunate that it was snapped while she was moving her head and it caught her at a REALLY unflattering angle, plus she was drunk anyway, which didn't help.

Ann shares this photo on facebook every single time it's someone's birthday who is in the photo, or the anniversary comes around of it being a facebook memory. She finds it hilarious and even uses it to post to Sue's own FB page when it's Sue's birthday. It's become a running joke now, after about five years of this, but I find it an unkind thing for a friend to do. Luckily Sue takes it in her stride but I'm sure she secretly hates that this keeps happening. If it were me I'd be so upset.

Or maybe Sue just sees her friends having a great night out and doesn't care that she doesn't look at her best? There's a lot of photos I don't look good in but love because it's a wonderful memory.

NRTFT but sounds a bit like a recent experience I had (was it the same bride I wonder?!?!)

Except I posted pics of myself and my DH and DCs in our outfits for the wedding. Photo was us at home before we left for the wedding. Post didn't even mention where we were going or anything about whose wedding it was, was not a pic of the venue or ceremony, no bride, groom or other guest in the pic - it was literally just a pic of my fam in our garden dressed up nicely for once! I knew they didn't want pics posted of them or the ceremony/wedding itself until they did their 'reveal' using the photographer photos as they mentioned this at the ceremony.... but assumed a pic of me and my immediately family at our own house would be fine. Nope. She's still fuming about it now..... she even wanted guests outfits to be 'revealed' in the group shot the photographer was going to take. //eye roll//

Omg @MrsSunshine2b this has made me howl. What an absolute muppet. What's she like otherwise?

@StupidBoy Ann the photo sharing friend sounds like she's doing it on purpose. Let me guess; Sue is physically very attractive and usually looks great in photos? If that's the case then Sue probably just cringes for Ann as it's pretty transparent what's really going on.

I have a friend Dana who is extremely goodlooking but massively insecure. She is a PITA in many low level way. I am definitely far less goodlooking (if we are being shallow) but fairly photogenic. My photos always gets lots of compliments, usually with a surprised tone. I don't filter them, it's always been this way. I really don't care by the way, my fairly average looks haven't impacted my life, relationships or career so far.

Anyway Dana has a terrible photo of me taken at about 3am, cross-eyed with booze, red-faced, sweaty the whole lot. It's really bad. She's in it too looking lovely. Of course she reshares it constantly with a post that it's 'a gorgeous photo' of me. I simply give it a thumbs up every time. What's weird is many people have noticed and either forwarded it to me in a post or commented in person basically calling her a dickhead. She's just embarrassing herself.

It's probably the best pic of you at your worst. ☺️

Stupid, inane woman, with no idea of what really matters. I'll give her marriage two years at the most.

I have to agree with challenger .
This is new to me as internet was not a thing when I married.
I think many of the home photos were better than the official ones which I send back to be re developed.

My brothers recent wedding I shared photos of the ceremony on the wedding info WhatsApp rapidly, the official photos came later . The bride was delighted to see my photos.

This bride asked you not to post so you should have obeyed . You took it down rapidly. Which was all you ould do to correct your mistake.

For her to ruin her honeymoon with negative emotions and tantrum of her ' reveal' being spoiled is totally immature. As others say , those that went to the wedding saw the dress . Those who did not go are not that bothered.

She has a very inflated self importance and ruining her own honeymoon in a sulk she has not got things in perspective.

You can only sketch out a wedding. Things will go wrong. Nothing is perfect. The right man / wife the promise and the rings are the priority.

Now divorced as my husband was to self important and 27 years was enough trying to please him

You were told not to share pictures. How could you think it only related to the ceremony?

These things are irrelevant to them asking people to not post pictures of the wedding.

Your friend’s reaction is ludicrous and she needs to get over herself.

She's being ridiculous but honestly, "please don't share photos" means "please don't share photos".

I could understand her being annoyed but her response is OTT.

To be fair it's just common sense to check if the bride or groom have posted about their wedding with photos before you do. Said your an avid social media user so I don't see why you wouldn't know this. Just common sense. I can see why your friend is very upset if your so social media savvy. Should she never speak to you again... no that's ott. But I can understand why she's upset and you did do wrong in this situation to post before her and not even checking is a rookie error.

Unless your friends name is MADONNA then yes she is being unreasonable . I seriously doubt that anyone who was not already at the ceremony is going to give a monkeys about her dress .

Is this friend a celebrity? Did she have an exclusive with Hello magazine? Oh dear , yes you ruined that, other wise wtf is she on about, reveal? 🙄

probably in the minority here by saying I totally understand as something similar happened to me and although I have tried to forgive the person, I find my relation ship with her now is a cold one. i think we have so many wedding expectations and if som e action spoils those pre-conceived ideas , it matters more than it should. In my case, m y , memory now of my daughter's wedding is one of being angry and upset rather than joyful and happy and i resent that and the person who caused it. But I have never told my daughter what happened as i do not want her to think the day was anything but wonderful

what happened?

but surely forgiveness is subjective on behalf of the forgiver, not the offender? Nobody automatically deserves forgiveness.

there will be some petty people who will never forget the most minor slight, and other saints who would absolutely forgive the family-member-running-over and worse!
you could make a slightly bitchy comment to two people - one might laugh it off, for the other it could be the 1000th such comment over the friendship and the one that breaks the camel's back and leads to a massive fall out

There isn't a definitive yes/no forgiveness category that every action neatly falls inside of. What's easily forgiveable for one person is a step too far for someone else.

I personally agree from what we've been told that this is the sort of thing the friend should forgive OP but we don't know the full story, only OPs version which is obviously going to paint her in the best light. There could be a long backstory of OP sharing private information, or revelling in being 'the better looking friend,' or being very stressed about the wedding, or knowing the friend was very self conscious and wanted a nice photo of her, like some of the examples here.