Friend not talking to me because I shared a photo from her Wedding

[ByTidyHare]

I attended my best friends wedding a few weeks ago. The day after, I posted some photos to Instagram which were mainly of me and my DP, with one of them of myself and my friend.

This was posted in the morning and on the same afternoon, my friend messaged me to ask I took it down as she didn’t want any photos posted from the day. I said of course and removed it. Before the ceremony, there was an announcement not to upload anything to social media which I assumed related solely to the ceremony and as we were quite near the back, I didn’t take any photos of this anyway. The photo of my friend and I was taken later that evening.

My friend went on her honeymoon soon after. I learnt from another friend whilst she was away that she was really upset with me for uploading the photo and that it ruined her reveal of the day/dress with professional photos as people would have seen it on my page for the few hours it was uploaded.

I didn’t want to message my friend whilst she was still away so I waited until she returned. I apologised, said I was horrified and that I’d mis-understood the instructions thinking they only related to the ceremony.

She replied to say she was still really upset and that I took away the reveal which she’d only have one chance to do in her life and she can’t believe I ignored her wishes. I again apologised but she hasn’t spoke to me since and I’ve learnt from another friend that she doesn’t think she will forgive me.

AIBU to think my friend is now over reacting or is her reaction proportionate?

Whatever the reason, you were asked not to post online and you did. You might think the reason is silly but it was apparently important to her. It’s not a great look to belittle your supposedly best friends’ request and subsequent anger. It’s like grandparents announcing pregnancies and adults posting other children’s faces. Don’t post other people without permission!

I think allowing the bride and groom to post their pictures first is generally the etiquette these days, and you also should always consider privacy first before posting about anyone else's event or photos where other people can be identified. If in doubt, ask first.

I remember 15+ years ago a good friend requesting that we don't post anything to Facebook about the wedding, as they were not going to be posting about it themselves either which we obviously respected.

You sound a bit rude and thoughtless @ByTidyHare . Why did you feel the need to post the photos on Instagram anyway? Are you a celebrity with fans who can't wait to see what you've been up to?

Sounds like she already revealed the dress by wearing it in public at the ceremony?

"Please don't post pictures to social media" is not really "tightly controlling". Guests shouldn't need to be uploading to Instagram throughout the day in order to enjoy themselves.

The bride is being mocked for taking social media too seriously but it's the OP who seems to think her own Instagram is the priority.

Here is the crux of the matter - everyone was asked not to post photos.

You did it anyway.

You could have and should have asked why that announcement was made.

you didn’t

you did not know why that announcement was made and disregarded it. For this alone, yes you’re in the wrong

everyone also knows the modern etiquette that you don’t post wedding photos until the bride/groom does. Add to this, all were asked not to post photos. You were already out on alert they did not want photos posted.

yet you did it anyway

it turns out it was about a reveal. You’re deciding that reason is precious, bridezilla, over reaction. Whatever. You were asked not to post photos and you completely disregarded.

if she really was your best friend - why didn’t you know this? And if you really cared and not feeling self righteous, why are you posting to mumsnet when everyone knows stories get picked up by the media? If she were truly your best friend, and you went against a pretty easy to abide by request, why are you now trying to shame her when you say you were horrified at your initial disregard to her request?

you don’t seem like a best friend.

would anyone think differently if there were an adopted or abused child there and no one wanted photos of them published? An abused woman amongst the guests and photos should not be posted? Or any one of a multiple reason why photos of someone should not be published?

What about people who simply do not want their photos of themselves published or their kids published in social media? I know many people get really pissed off if photos of their kids get put on social media just because it is their own decision.

so it dors not really matter the bride’s reasoning, an announcement was made.

Everyone was asked not to post photos

you did it anyway because you decided it was ok and you’re not happy you got called out for it, now you want to shame the bride on social media (and maybe hoping for the press to pick up?) because you’re not happy with the result of your actions - your own knowing better and doing as you please regardless of what you were asked.

I agree with the Bride, it's down to her and the groom to post first pics, same as new baby ones. I always think it's a bit rude posting wedding pics on social media before the couple even if they haven't said not to. Etiquette.

Symptoms of bridezilladom! Her extreme egocentrism is hopefully temporary. You’ve apologised and explained. The ball’s in her court - let her play it when she feels more like a normal human being. I would keep a low profile around her until she calms down.

The vast majority of replies are being nasty taking pot shots at the reason and having fun skewering her “reveal”. So what if she wants a reveal, or whatever.

its her wedding and she asked her friend not to

And honestly coming on here to get strangers to be nasty about your mate and her wedding means she’s probably right not to talk to you again.

Does she honestly think that people are waiting with bated breath to see her dress. Ridiculous

Astonishing drama!

Glad I got married before social media had really taken off.

If the bride is so wound up that she doesn’t think she can ever forgive you, then there’s nothing more you can do than apologise, which you have already done.

What does she want? Financial compensation? For you to pay for a “perfect” re-run of the big day?

At worst you made an error of judgement for which you apologised for

Don't allow this to burden your friendship for evermore. She either accepts your sincere apology or you move on in life without her

She asked you not to. You ignored it - she might be being a bit OTT with the whole reveal thing but you still ignored her wishes

Yes.

the main photos of bride and groom should hopefully be lovely photos showing them at their happy best.

not someone looking a bit hot and sweaty with make up past its best and hair lost its perfect design, late in the day.

All ‘reveals’ show a sickening degree of narcissism.

Have people been so manipulated by SM companies that they think they are stars in a show where everyone can’t wait for the next update?!

A wedding is a party. Parties are for the guests, not the hosts. Getting married is a personal thing but the party after really isn’t.

I have learned from my teenagers the appropriate response to this kind of narcissism: ‘bro thinks he’s the main character’.

But the bride was one of the main characters at her own wedding!

I really couldn’t be arsed with this. Yes, you probably shouldn’t have posted but you did and said sorry.
Anyone who talks about ‘reveal’ being a big thing needs to give their head a wobble.

Yes, the bride was a main character at her wedding. I hope outside the wedding, she is a main character to her new spouse and her family and friends.

Outside of that, not so much.

She had a main character moment by revealing her dress to her loved ones that she had invited to her wedding. She wants another main character moment by “revealing” to her followers on socials. Her followers that weren’t important enough to be invited to the wedding or for her to take time out of her day to incorporate them if they couldn’t make it.

Nobody cares as much about your wedding as you do.

I think maybe the Bride is finding it hard to forgive the OP because of all people to ignore her wishes and post pictures before she did - it wasn't some colleague she had to invite or a cousin she doesn't see often... it was her best friend.. and she expected a bit more consideration from you, and that's why she's more upset. It's about trust rather than photos.

Also it depends how sincerely your apology came across. If it really acknowledged that she's hurt that you ignored her wishes, rather than just Sorry I posted that photo. I think if she finds out OP is complaining about her on MN - the friendship is probably over.

I loved seeing pictures of my wedding being uploaded whilst I was on honeymoon. I knew no body would put any horrific pictures of me on (candid photos and all that) but if she asked everyone not to then I understand her being upset with you for uploading pictures. I would have been upset too in that case.

While you shouldn't have been "absolutely villified" I'm not surprised your son and (assuming DIL) were annoyed - that was a shitty thing to do.

Of course they wanted to announce the birth of their first child themselves without having granny make it all about her!

Why are you acting as though the bride is considering making some sort of legal claim and wanking on about the legal "standing" and "commercial contract"?

Literally nobody has suggested that the bride can legally enforce that photos of her aren't put online.

It was a request, (for anyone who has gone to a wedding in the last decade, a very common one), just like any others made at a wedding - Exactly the same as asking people to arrive at a certain time, or adhere to a certain dress code, or if its a dry wedding not to drink, or a child free one not to bring kids.

You're allowed to think any of these requests are silly and not what you'd do yourself, but if you like someone enough to go to their wedding you follow their preferences or, if you consider the requests to be completely unreasonable, you don't go. It's a completely optional event not a court summons.

It's really not that hard. You don't need a solicitor to write a contract for basic social etiquette

You did a big reveal didn’t you?

You messed up but you can’t time travel back and change things!
The hen party being abroad and costly would annoy me, and her not being thankful for your gift.
Will it make it awkward if you step away from the friendship, do you have lots of friends in common?
I would move on and give her a wide berth.

Op you are under-reacting to what you did and overreacting to what your mutual friends have said about how the bride feels.

It is common practise not to steal thunder by posting pictures of someone's wedding dress before the bride. It's up there with not wearing a white dress.

"Don't post anything" was perfectly clear. It doesn't matter that you gave yourself permission because it wasn't during the ceremony.

It doesn't matter about the dress. Your friend asked you not to do something, you did it anyway. You are now making excuses.

You've been more guestzilla than your friend has been bridezilla.

Let your friend cool off. Wedding can be very stressful. Hopefully she will accept your apology. It is out of your hands now.

No, actually that's shit! Is their baby, their news ! I would be fuming