Friend not talking to me because I shared a photo from her Wedding

[ByTidyHare]

I attended my best friends wedding a few weeks ago. The day after, I posted some photos to Instagram which were mainly of me and my DP, with one of them of myself and my friend.

This was posted in the morning and on the same afternoon, my friend messaged me to ask I took it down as she didn’t want any photos posted from the day. I said of course and removed it. Before the ceremony, there was an announcement not to upload anything to social media which I assumed related solely to the ceremony and as we were quite near the back, I didn’t take any photos of this anyway. The photo of my friend and I was taken later that evening.

My friend went on her honeymoon soon after. I learnt from another friend whilst she was away that she was really upset with me for uploading the photo and that it ruined her reveal of the day/dress with professional photos as people would have seen it on my page for the few hours it was uploaded.

I didn’t want to message my friend whilst she was still away so I waited until she returned. I apologised, said I was horrified and that I’d mis-understood the instructions thinking they only related to the ceremony.

She replied to say she was still really upset and that I took away the reveal which she’d only have one chance to do in her life and she can’t believe I ignored her wishes. I again apologised but she hasn’t spoke to me since and I’ve learnt from another friend that she doesn’t think she will forgive me.

AIBU to think my friend is now over reacting or is her reaction proportionate?

Tell her that nobody gives a shit about her "reveal". How ridiculous

I see her point but she’s taken it too far.
she is acting like some prima Donna whose gonna lose the ££££ deal from Hello magazine!
you can’t turn back time, you took them down as soon as you were asked and apologized, she needs to let it go, I wouldn’t keep groveling to her.

She's a moron and a bad friend. Consider yourself rid of her.

She revealed her dress to anyone who would have a shred of interest when she approached the alter (or whatever) to be married.

Stagey social media displays are the refuge of the immature, self-centered mind.

I thought the big dress reveal was when you walked down the aisle.

You made a mistake but she’s being ridiculous.

Anyone close enough to her would have seen her on the day, anyone else probably won’t give a damn. The way people care so much about what their ‘Facebook friends’ think blows my mind. I’m sure she had enough attention for the reveal from her real friends on the day 🤷🏼‍♀️

Aye anyone who cared enough about the ‘reveal’ would be at the wedding anyway.

People don't "own" news.

There's nothing wrong with the pp announcing to her FB followers that she has become a grandmother.

She is massively overestimating how much anyone cares about her dress.

She’s such an upright precious fool. Seriously, been to weddings and no one gives a shit, the big reveal 😂 wtf.

she’s the loser, not you. Some people would rather lose a friendships over something so petty makes me wonder where we are at as humans. I mean hardly a crime

you are both in the wrong here.

firstly - you’re complaining about her being precious about social media whilst you are simultaneously being precious about social media. Realistically you’re both prioritising social media facades and thinking what you want is more valid than the other. It’s obnoxious.

Ultimately you are more in the wrong because you said the couple asked people not to post on social media. Out of pure respect wouldn’t you want to check with her before posting anything - instead of assuming that their boundary was just the ceremony? The fact she made a request mentioning social media, would have prompted me to be mindful in any case. She’s your friend, that’s her wish, her wedding etc. I can totally see how this looks like you disregarded her request. You’re trying to muddy the waters by saying it wasn’t clear, when in reality if you were being a caring friend you would have checked in with her.

It’s probably already been said but I think it’s possible for both things to be true at the same time.
@ByTidyHare I think you were unreasonable for uploading the photo and your friend is being unreasonable for not wanting to speak to you again as a result.

There are many things in life that are not as important to me as they are to others but that is not reason enough to disrespect someone else’s wishes. Good relationships, including friendships, are about give and take where some situations mean you ‘concede your position somewhat’ for the overall outcome - in this case maintaining the friendship.

Again, despite not agreeing with the request in this siustion, there were notices asking you not to upload to social media and you ignored that request from your friend. I can understand disregarding a request if it would cause life changing issues but you state it was because it was unclear to you, so I think you have to be seen as the unreasonable one in this situation. It was for you to clarify the meaning with your friend if you were truly unclear, especially if you value and respect your friendship - regardless of how silly the request might seem to some.

She is one of your best friends so you must be well acquainted with her personality - good or bad in the eyes of some. This situation might make you reevaluate your friendship with her, especially seeing as though her reaction indicates she does not really value the friendship now either but I don’t think her reaction makes your initial action any less unreasonable.

I am so glad I got married back in the '90's! Think you should seriously reconsider her as a "friend". She sounds like a right diva!

she is overthinking it. The harsh reality is that no one (with a life) really gives a sh*t about her wedding except from maybe her parents. This is an example of how social media has ruined everything. It was a bit absent minded of you, but she should just move on.

Yes it is It's very common on social media, obviously bride has went OTT in what she said but it's really rude and attention seeking to post a picture of the couple before they do.

Yep, this is a thing, it's not the first time I've heard of rules re posting wedding snaps on social media.
Everyone's a wanna be celebrity now 🤣

You’ve apologized a number of times, honestly leave her to it now - she’s literally being completely ott about it now!
I hope you left the picture of yourself and your husband up! In fact I’d change it to your profile picture ❤️😆

To be fair, I don't think they mind.

Yeah the idea of ‘the reveal’ specifically makes me feel about a million years old, good god.

I think the idea of a reveal is ridiculous, but even if I allowed for her being slightly annoyed that you hadn’t followed her directions, it’s still a ridiculous thing to punish a friend over. It’s not as though you did something malicious. In fact, I expect you spent money going to her wedding, getting dressed up, celebrating her, buying her a gift, probably accommodation too and perhaps annual leave and that’s if you didn’t even go to the hen-do? And I imagine in sharing the picture, you were intending to in some ways, ‘celebrate’ her again?

Honestly, if this is what she’ll end a friendship for then probably it’s for the best.

I'm so glad my younger years were spent without the nonsense that is social media. We used to just go out and just have a good time without having cameras pointed in our faces or having to worry about how we looked (normally drunk and disorderly as this was the 80s & 90s, but we had so much fun!).

oh you sweet, summer child. IT IS BIGGER NEWS THAN ANYTHING.

apparently

It seems it was a genuine misunderstanding, and you have apologised.

I think it is very precious of her to think that the whole world is waiting to see her in her wedding dress. Some people are so self-obsessed these days. If she continues to blank you, I don't think you should waste any more time worrying about it - she is being very childish.

Your explanation that you saw the no photos message but misinterpreted it seems easily believable to me. She messed up by not being specific enough; she could have added no pics of the dress or no pics of the bride or members of the wedding party on the day or whatever. You did all you could by removing the pics as soon as she asked and explaining the misunderstanding and apologising. I can understand her annoyance that something didn't go exactly the way she planned on a day she wanted to be "perfect" and and that she had to take time out to deal with that, but she really can't reasonably place the whole blame on you.

I'd stop listening to what go-betweens are saying and rely on what you hear directly from your friend, even if it takes a little time for her to be able to talk to you directly about it.

If your friend is more bothered about the photo than her marriage, then it’s her issue - definitely not yours!

She sounds as shallow as shallow.
It’s her loss losing your friendship- not yours.

Hahahaha! Exactly!
Her poor husband. How long until the divorce, do you reckon?