Should I have left so early?

[OneDenimQuoter]

I meet a friend today who's got two kids and I've got one.

We live 35 mins from each other so I suggested to meet at a country type park. It opens at 10. She said she would get there for 10.30-11. She messaged on the day and said she would get there at 11.15. eventually see her at 11.50

Was I rude to leave at 12.50? We only spent an hour with each other but by that time I had been there for 3 hours and my 18 month old needed a nap and I wanted to get home.

Should I have made it clear I was needing to leave by 12.30 on a normal day to keep in line his nap day?

I thought being outside would be good.

Aibu for leaving

No you aren't unreasonable. Has she said you are as I think I'd be making a comment regarding her lateness?

Under these circumstances, no you weren’t.

I don't know if she was late? I kinda feel that she said she would aim for 10.30-11 and it wasn't a show etc so if you are late that's fine but I'm not hanging around.

It's fine. She was late and flakey, I don't know why you'd be the one feeling bad about anything.

No YWNBU.
She was for being so late.

Yanbu but maybe next time you spell out how long you have..
Me and my mate are both pushed for time. We spelled out a quick coffee hour is just that. An hour....
Hi mate, would love to meet at 10 but need be home for dc's nap at 1
.love op.

I think because it's 35 min drive (or maybe longer with bank holiday traffic). So I left after 50 mins? I don't know

I said I would be there at 10 and she says she will a drive 10.30-11. if she got there for 11 at the latest than it would have been 2 hours we spent together which sounds fine.

She's actually been really flakey recently so yeah.

Yanbu.

My friend was like this and got worse after her first child.

We are basically barely in contact now. Its just rude disrespectful and annoying and i have zero time for it now kids are on the scene.
I got fucked off with standing around waiting while she was sending me stupid messages along the lines of

"What am I like? 🤪🤪🤪"

"Baby X just woke up be there soon" (sent at 10.30 am when we were due to meet at 10)

"Oh you are leaving already??? 😪😪😪 But we will be there soon! Baby X wants to see Baby Y!!! 😘😘😘"

You weren’t unreasonable at all.

She was "late" by her own timetable once 11am passed. So she was 50 mins late.

No you aren't unreasonable (and I say this as a frequently running late person, though I mean 5-10 mins not 50!)

She saw you for an hour, which is time for a catch up. If she's disappointed it wasn't longer she could have arrived by 11 like she said she would and got two hours with you!

Does it matter she said she would aim for that time?

I guess Im a people pleaser.

No I don't think so. If she got there at 11.05 or 11.10 then that's passable but she knew you would have been hanging around since 10.

In future I'd just make it clear when you're going to leave. That way it's up to her if she wants to turn up later and just see you for a bit.

I was commenting to say exactly this, I'd just learn for future and when you agree a meeting place/time, I would be clear if you need to leave by a certain time, so it will hopefully encourage her to be prompt!

YANBU, but, you should have made it clear when making the arrangements when you needed to leave, or, adding it when she said she was going to be late.
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It would matter to me certainly. If the plan is to meet somewhere by 11 then that's the plan. 50 minutes late is taking the piss. Perfectly fine to have left when you did.

Wouldnt that be clear by me saying I'm going to be there at 10? Which is up to an hour before she planned on being that and was 2 hours after she turned up?

Or did she just think I was going to wait around for hours all day?

Sure but you'd been there ages based on when she said she'd get there. There's no need to angst about it. She can be an easy breezy sort who doesn't stick to specific timings, but other people don't have to fall in with that. Set yourself free from worrying about what people think of you when their behaviour shows they mainly only care about themselves.

True

OP… kindly… you are overthinking this.
it doesn’t matter if she said she was aiming for that or not - she worked to her timescales, you worked to yours.
if she’s huffy about it then you agree a different approach for next time. but I really don’t think this warrants any worry about what you perceive you may have done wrong.

i can guarantee she didn't give you much thought. Nowhere near the amount of thought you're giving this. Worry less what she thinks, it'll only wind you up when she doesn't do likewise.

Ok thanks. I guess because she "came all that way" and I guess it wouldn't have made any difference because she would expect me to go to hers.