Should I have left so early?

[OneDenimQuoter]

I meet a friend today who's got two kids and I've got one.

We live 35 mins from each other so I suggested to meet at a country type park. It opens at 10. She said she would get there for 10.30-11. She messaged on the day and said she would get there at 11.15. eventually see her at 11.50

Was I rude to leave at 12.50? We only spent an hour with each other but by that time I had been there for 3 hours and my 18 month old needed a nap and I wanted to get home.

Should I have made it clear I was needing to leave by 12.30 on a normal day to keep in line his nap day?

I thought being outside would be good.

Aibu for leaving

She's probably annoyed and going home to speak to husband about it?

people who are like this have no concept that other people have better things to do than wait around all day for the joy of seeing them.

In future i'd say "right, i will be there at 10 and i will leave at 12" and let her decide how much she wants to see you.

and if she complains tell her that she knew your schedule and it's on her.

If you wanted to leave, then leave, but come on your toddler needed a nap? Couldn't they have slept in the buggy?

I don’t think you were unreasonable to leave when you did. I do note through that she’d already told you she wouldn’t make it by 10, but you got there for that time anyway. In future I think you could be clearer by saying “I’ll need to leave at x time”. So no, you were not unreasonable but also you chose to get there an hour before she said she’d be there.

Who cares? You're speaking to us about it and we're better than him :)

I got there for that time because it suited me. Its her loss if she can't make for the time she said she could and turned yo 80 minutes after.

I just worry I've done something wrong. Or didn't plan it right.

Yeah I should have said I would stay until 12.30 at the latest.

If she is annoyed and moaning then shes being unreasonable, because she is the one who left you waiting round

I wouldn't worry! You've not done anything wrong. Don't give it any more thought.

Yeah I don't know. Maybe she thought I was going to spend hours there, when 3 was enough for us

No-one is in the wrong here, it's just the way the day panned out.

You must know how difficult it is getting out of the door sometimes? She wasn't able to get there earlier, probably because she has two kids, and you needed to leave because yours needed a nap - that's parent-life for you!

Has she actually said anything? I can't gleen from your posts that she's actually complained?

Exactly...no one's done anything terrible.

Thanks I think I'm annoyed about something else but don't want to write it

Fair enough. You’ve answered your own question there though, haven’t you?

She has. But there is a lot of thoughts my end. She messaged me to meet you and she didn't respond to my suggestion of a day for two days. She will also say people don't keep in contact with her or see her. Yet I've always gone to her house/area which suited me. I even spent one day at her house when I took annual leave. So I thought a park day would be good for the children.

She's got a husband, I don't. She also is going back to work just 2 days, I work full time which is neither here nor there but I've got limited time with no support.
So I know my limitations

Yeah I think I'm a people pleaser

A good friend would find out what’s happening for her to be like this.

You didn’t do anything wrong in leaving when it suited you, and she did nothing wrong turning up when it suited her.

To be like what? Ignoring my messages? She's got four grandparents, husband, siblings, sister in law etc. I don't see why it's my responsibility to see why she's being flakey and not responding to my messages..... Because she's clear she doesn't care too much about my time or priorities. She should be the one asking me if I need help, I have zero support

If someone had told me they would be there for 10.30/11am, I would have left by 11.30am if they hadn’t turned up.

YANBU to have left at that time. She was really late.

i had a friend like that, I’m not hanging about waiting on someone who is so unorganised and can’t be arsed appearing on time. It’s just a lack of respect. We are no longer friends.

There’s clearly a lot more to this than meets the eye. Sound like you’re actually harbouring a lot of bitterness and resentment towards your friend. Just because she’s got support around her doesn’t mean that she’s not allowed to feel like she’s struggling, or have other worries. You actually don’t seem very friendly in your responses to PPs and if this came across to your friend today then yes id imagine she’s a bit pissed off.

No. Re read. Another poster said I should be following up why someone is being flakey and not responding to my messages, because I'm "not a good friend". I simply suggested that she's got lots of support around her that can help her better than I can. I've got no one.

Also since when was being flakey anything other than people not caring too much about you. 99% of the time it's that. She's got a perfect life with support, money and resources. I don't. I prioritize.

Yeah I'm trying to be understanding with timings etc, as it can take a little while to find a car space etc.

She messaged saying she would be there at 11.15 so I thought she would be... I was on my way out and bumped into her

Of course as a mother of 2 kids and remembering what it was like getting them out of the house when they were younger(honestly with 1 child at 18months you've no clue how bad it be) I see this a bit differently.

I think if she's driven 35 minutes to spend a day with you and you leave after an hour (she was only 35 minutes after her eta and you said possibly bank holiday traffic) then yes she probably is a bit miffed with you. If you'd had told her on the morning you were leaving by that time then she had the chance to hurry up or cancel or whatever.

I just hope it's no issue for her to be alone there with her kids and that it was somewhere of interest to them so at least her drive was worthwhile.

I'm a bit afraid to ask why your baby couldn't have just napped in the pushchair? I know you probably say he can't/won't but believe you me if you ever have a second stuff like that won't be an option.

I think only having one child at 18months who doesn't answer back, use the toilet, discuss every single simple matter on getting into the car, run off in opposite direction to its sibling, refuse to come along and the fact you are able to scoop your child up without too much resistance does make a huge difference here.

I'm not saying your friend is right but I can easily see how it got to this and perhaps you both should have communicated better.

You seem very conflicted. Alternating between being really defensive and angry with her and beating yourself up for not having communicated with her and assuming she's cross with you. Neither attitude is helpful really. She sounds annoying, you acted reasonably, she might be a bit put out. None of it is a big deal.