Should I have left so early?

[OneDenimQuoter]

I meet a friend today who's got two kids and I've got one.

We live 35 mins from each other so I suggested to meet at a country type park. It opens at 10. She said she would get there for 10.30-11. She messaged on the day and said she would get there at 11.15. eventually see her at 11.50

Was I rude to leave at 12.50? We only spent an hour with each other but by that time I had been there for 3 hours and my 18 month old needed a nap and I wanted to get home.

Should I have made it clear I was needing to leave by 12.30 on a normal day to keep in line his nap day?

I thought being outside would be good.

Aibu for leaving

YANBU to leave when you did so I wouldn't give it another thought.

However, you can't be friends with someone you're jealous of. It seems you resent her because her life is so "perfect" and yours isn't. In your mind anyway. I'm 100% on my own with 4 kids so I get how tough it is, I really do. But projecting your unhappiness onto others isn't the way to go OP.

No I'm not jealous of her. I was called a bad friend because she decides to be flakey. She's got plenty of support around her and I would expect them to see anything that's wrong with her. It's not my burden for someone who I rarely see and just ignores my messages, is it?

No it's not clear, saying what time you will be there is not agreeing a meeting time.

Most people would ask if everything is ok. Support doesn't mean emotional support. Husband's aren't always easy to live with. Her going back to work for two days, could be for a variety of reasons. If it doesn't occur to you to ask, then she's a Mum friend, not a friend. However, as said, you leaving was fine. I (we) always make our/her leaving time clear, with my, perpetually late sister.

I'm also not unhappy.

You have four children by yourself so you know you need to keep your head above water and not take on more than you can handle.

Being a single parent is much harder than having a second pair of hands, or the many pair of hands that she has.

And yes she's got no money issues, she's got a very helpful husband (by her own admissions) and plenty of local family who support. So yes it's perfect in that sense and no reason she can't turn up on time and ipeople are expecting me to do the running after her. Nope.

That should make you come to the realisation that neither of you are true friends.

She's fine. She just doesn't make the effort to see people and think they should see her. She says that about other people and it's clicked today.

She didn't even apologize for being late or ask if I'm ok staying. I've been to her all the time, I've traveled and even on my day off work.

Yeah sure

I was there at the time I said I would be there... Which was before het time and her actual time on the day. It's a park so I didnt have to worry about keeping a child entertained In a car park. Was actually fine imo

I've actually just realized that I've been running after her since children.

YANBU She was flaky and rude. The day doesn’t revolve around her

If I’ve got to travel 35 minutes to get somewhere I’m staying there for the day. Could you not have taken a picnic and a pushchair for your child to nap in. You could have had a lovely day walking around the country park, nice picnic, time at the play park, ice cream afterwards etc.

It seems a waste of time to have travelled all that way for an hour. I would have cracked on with my day and left my friend to come and find me once she eventually arrived.

I think you were fine to leave when you did! Esp as you told her you’d be arriving at 10.

I think you’re fine to do what suits you, esp as she did what suited her. People can often be late with kids but it’s not unreasonable for you to want to leave after nearly 3 hours!

If you meet her again you can either take her timings with a pinch of salt, and be late too, or just be very clear when you’ll be leaving.

I think the time when you’ve got napping kids (who often also can be waking at night etc) is tricky because every one’s child has a different routine/ sleep needs and you are both working to a different but equally important and sometimes rigid schedule.

OP did “crack on” with her day - which involved letting her child nap!

If I went to her it's 35 minutes.... She didn't mention about meeting half way. And it takes me 15 mins to get to the place. Also it's just a park type place you go to. With nice buggy friendly paths and a park. She goes there lots.

Also I wouldn't be arriving at midday when someone arrives at 10?

Yep I work full time and these two days i need to crack on. I don't need a sleep deprived baby who won't sleep in the pram with a snooze shade. I tried but he wouldn't do it. I also don't think you can keep a crawling and two mobile children happy all day.

Imagine if she arrived at 10.30 when she planned to. Instead she was 90 mins later

Its 15 mins drive away? Or even 35 mins drive isn't far is it?

I live in the suburbs of a city and due to traffic, spending half an hour in the car isn't much time at all.

When making arrangements, I usually say to people that I need to leave at x time so they are aware in advance.

If its only a short distance from both your houses, it sounds like a very casual and loose arrangement. I'm sure you'll catch up again another time. Don't worry about it.

35 mins and 'all that way' don't belong in the same sentence.

Thats a school run/short commute for many people!

Not necessarily but possibly

OP you said you'd get there for 10 right? It should have occurred to your friend that you might not want to wait around all day and that you'd already been there for 2 hours once she got there.

it is a bit odd you didn't arrange to arrive at the same time to start with ie did you always plan to get there by 10 and her for 11

Basically you’re annoyed she doesn’t fit with your timings, for texting and meeting at a time which suits you. And you think she should because she has a DH.
I never understand these posters who are so personally offended by lateness, particularly when you’re not on time either (she said 11:15, so you arrived at 10!)