Should I have left so early?

[OneDenimQuoter]

I meet a friend today who's got two kids and I've got one.

We live 35 mins from each other so I suggested to meet at a country type park. It opens at 10. She said she would get there for 10.30-11. She messaged on the day and said she would get there at 11.15. eventually see her at 11.50

Was I rude to leave at 12.50? We only spent an hour with each other but by that time I had been there for 3 hours and my 18 month old needed a nap and I wanted to get home.

Should I have made it clear I was needing to leave by 12.30 on a normal day to keep in line his nap day?

I thought being outside would be good.

Aibu for leaving

I would have left at 11.30 or 11.45 missing her completely. So you were more than nice waiting for her 2 hours. Value your time more and care less about people who are disrespectful to your time and friendship. ;)

she didn't even apologize

I think this is what's really rankling you and fair enough.

Exactly! I don’t know why people like this bother asking

I have friends who are flakey and a bit annoying at times but they are still friends, maybe she is just temporarily annoyed because of the lack of respect her friend has shown her recently

I honestly think I'd have bailed by 11:30 or 11:45. She said she'd be there 10:30 to 11. She clearly meant "11 or later" and texted at 10:45 to push the time back. By 11:50 she was really taking the piss.

She should have been upfront with you from the start - "I don't like early starts on a Sunday, so I will meet you around lunchtime." You could have said yes or no as suited you. Instead she wasn't clear about her plan, was extremely late and neither of you had a good experience. Worst of both worlds.

35 minute drive isn't all that much for most people.

That would be annoying…. If you turn up as late as she did, you apologise

Your friend gave you no useful notice of being late. You have an 18-month-old to keep occupied, so that's twattish behaviour.

I have twins. Of course it's much harder to leave the house with two than one. But if it wasn't working out I'd've given you better notice or cancelled. She had the longer journey and therefore had the advantage that she could have informed you in plenty of time.

YANBU. I wouldn't bother again.

That’s her choice, her friend leaving her waiting wasn’t

But she first said she would be there at 10.30-10.45, and the OP said she would be there at 10.

The friend text at 10.45 saying she would be there at 11.15.
The OP was already there and the friend hadn't even set off at the time she was supposed to meet there, so how was the OP not on time?

That’s not really up to us to decide

Arh, well sod her then! She cant always have everything on her own terms and people aren't always willing or able to wait around.

If she cant see that, then that's a her problem!

And your point is?

It’s rude to not specify a time and just say “oh I’ll aim for..” when you said you’d be there at 10! She made it sound like she’d be there by 11 so 11.50 is taking the piss.

she clearly doesn’t value other people’s time whatsoever, so don’t you be feeling bad!!

That’s what’s confusing me. OK, I live in London & don’t drive so I get most places on foot or public transport, & I don’t have kids - maybe those are the differences. But I’d think nothing of travelling 35 mins to meet a friend for coffee or lunch.

Why is driving 35 mins such a big deal? Is it because of the kids?

However, you can't be friends with someone you're jealous of. It seems you resent her because her life is so "perfect" and yours isn't. In your mind anyway. I'm 100% on my own with 4 kids so I get how tough it is, I really do. But projecting your unhappiness onto others isn't the way to go OP.

Eh, I don't get this at all! Where has the OP said she's unhappy with her life or jealous of her 'friend's'? She's only pointed out that she has to be more on the ball and that her friend doesn't have much excuse as she has more support - how does that translate to jealousy?!

It sounds like this is the last straw and the friend is generally selfish and thoughless.

So when she turned up, she hadn't set off by the time she was meant to actually be there... 11.15 to 11.50 and you live 35 mins from each other. She could have text you as she was leaving, she doesn't respect your time, why should you feel bad about leaving?