Should I have left so early?

[OneDenimQuoter]

I meet a friend today who's got two kids and I've got one.

We live 35 mins from each other so I suggested to meet at a country type park. It opens at 10. She said she would get there for 10.30-11. She messaged on the day and said she would get there at 11.15. eventually see her at 11.50

Was I rude to leave at 12.50? We only spent an hour with each other but by that time I had been there for 3 hours and my 18 month old needed a nap and I wanted to get home.

Should I have made it clear I was needing to leave by 12.30 on a normal day to keep in line his nap day?

I thought being outside would be good.

Aibu for leaving

I find this confusing. She told you she’d be there 10.30-11. So why did you get there for 10? Even before she was late, you’d have potentially been there for an hour before she would turn up??

It sounds like you wanted her to fit in with your timings and you turned up very early.

If you’d turned up when she said she would (so around 11). Then you’d have been waiting 50 minutes for her which is annoying but not as bad as nearly 2 hours (this is your own doing).

She should have been more punctual but you don’t sound flexible either. At no point did she say she’d be there at 10…

I think it's fine. You both have young kids and sometimes have to adapt to suit them. You had an hour together and she could stay longer with her kids if she wanted.

Huh?!?
Saying something is evident isn’t speculating, you're stating that it’s clear or obvious

OP your post is unclear.

We live 35 mins from each other so I suggested to meet at a country type park. It opens at 10. She said she would get there for 10.30-11. She messaged on the day and said she would get there at 11.15. eventually see her at 11.50

Did you et there at 10? Did you tell her you'd be arriving at 10 or did she say she would be there for 10:30-11 and you said okay as if you'd arrive around the same time. If so I'd be surprised if you left at 12:35 without saying.

Did your friend seem surprised you were leaving?

@EmpressaurusKitty
Personally I find that about 20 minutes is the point at which driving somewhere tips from just going there into ‘a drive’.

In rural areas it’s not so much the time as the concentration that’s required, especially if you are on national speed limit roads, twisting country lanes or motorways. Then there is bad weather, road works and the dark evenings. Lots of roads are not lit outside large towns and cities!

You have to concentrate pretty hard and can pay a very high price for a lapse in concentration. I drive an hour’s round trip most days, with two options for routes. I began doing that journey four years ago and there have been six fatalities due to accidents along my routes in that time period. 😕

Ok, that’s really interesting. Thanks @BadSkiingMum.

That should make you come to the realisation that neither of you are true friends.

Thats not speculating that’s trying to make a decision for someone and trying to coerce their way of thinking

I have friends like this. Nowadays, I only ever make arrangements to meet up with them as part of a group when I can be sure at least one person will show up at the agreed time.

simples.

How on earth were YOU rude @OneDenimQuoter ?! She was nearly an hour and a half late! Personally, I would have left when she was half an hour late.

I mean, if you said you'd get there by 10 and she said she would be there 10:30 to 11 and you still got there for 10, there's some justification for her thinking "oh, she's not going there just to see me, she enjoys going on her own" so she's not necessarily thinking that she has to hurry because you're hanging aronud waiting. If when she said 10:30 to 11 you said "in that case I'll do some other things first and try and get there 10.45" it might have impressed on her that she had some responsibility not to keep you hanging around.
Either way though, you leaving at the time you did is fine.

In my experience the only way to be reasonably sure at least one other person will be on time is to go to that person's house. And even then it's not guaranteed.

You initially said between 10.30 and 11, she messaged and said she was going to be 15 minutes late and then showed up 35 minutes after that?

Fuck that for a game of soldiers. Your time is important too, why should you be waiting around for her Majesty to grace you with her presence?

She was 50 minutes late. She said 10.30-11. So 11 would not have been late.

The problem is partly that for some reason the OP decided to get there an hour early.

Again, you saying when you will be there is not agreeing a meeting time. That's you saying what suits you. Which didn't suit her, so not wasn't a time that was agreed. She then told you when she would be there. She was late from her time, but she never agrees to 10

Exactly!

Why did you get there so early? When you knew she’d be another hour or so? Then if something went wrong with the traffic that’s even more time to wait.

She was really late and that is really rude. Why is her time more important than yours?
Saying 10:00-10:30 and then not getting there until 10:50 is really bad.
You are well within your right to leave - she could have had a couple of hours with you but she chose not to turn up.

I have family who are like this. Arriving 2/3 hours late to family meals / celebrations. They aren’t late to things with their friends or late to work. It’s chosen behaviour and it shows you’re just not very high on the list of priorities.

She took up enough of your time. I hope you and your child had a good time nonetheless.

The OP says 10:30-11. So from the outset OP had already chosen to spend at least 30 minutes waiting, if not an hour. I’d guess that’s because OP wanted to get there for opening time to be home for nap time. It’s not unreasonable for OP to do what suits her.

It’s unreasonable to complain about waiting for 2 hours when 1 hour of that was because OP was earlier than the time they’d agreed to meet.

Also unreasonable to expect other people with their own lives and DC to stick to timings that suit OPs DC.

Bit weird people think 35 mins warrants a whole day at the location. She knew you were getting there for 10, she should have tried to get there for that time, which it doesn't sound like she did.

She was somewhat rude, but you were absolutely chomping at the bit to take offense.

Which is a much worse look than hers.

I don’t think she should have tried to get there for a time that wasn’t agreed and didn’t suit her. She couldn’t get there until 10.30-11. She made that clear to the OP. The OP doesn’t get to dictate a meeting time. Both parties need to agree.