Should I have left so early?

[OneDenimQuoter]

I meet a friend today who's got two kids and I've got one.

We live 35 mins from each other so I suggested to meet at a country type park. It opens at 10. She said she would get there for 10.30-11. She messaged on the day and said she would get there at 11.15. eventually see her at 11.50

Was I rude to leave at 12.50? We only spent an hour with each other but by that time I had been there for 3 hours and my 18 month old needed a nap and I wanted to get home.

Should I have made it clear I was needing to leave by 12.30 on a normal day to keep in line his nap day?

I thought being outside would be good.

Aibu for leaving

OP said her friend got there at 11.50am, and yeah, when they arranged 10.30am to 11am that is really shitty.

That said, I have read all of your posts now OP, and it does sound like you need to give this friend a wide berth @OneDenimQuoter You really don't seem to like her much, and seem to resent her. Maybe you're better off not friends?

Why didn’t you say in advance that there was a time you would need to leave?
If I’m meeting someone in a setting like you describe I would expect to spend the day there, so one of us arriving 1h later than she said wouldn’t be an issue. I also wouldn’t by default you would be there from the park opening time.
Don’t get me wrong, her arriving at 11:50 when she said 10:30-11 is rude, especially if she didn’t apologise.

Because she wasn't just waiting - she went there with her kid on her own early because she wanted to go there with her kid on her own. That's how it looks to the friend anyway, and I don't know why the OP would have done it it it wasn't the case. The friend might well have thought whether she went or not was secondary; the OP was having the trip to the park regardless.

It’s so strange to assume the friend is late because she thinks her time is more important than OPs. Are you late for things to put people in their place and this is a weird projection onto others? Because I’ve never thought someone being late was a reflection of how much they valued me, it’s usually traffic or kids or my friend having a bad day.

Time is the most precious thing we have and wasting other people’s is just plain rude especially without a message to explain delay. Looking at the timings she was only leaving home at the time she said she would meet you.
Real friends don’t behave like this, you deserve better. Well done for leaving when you did, some people think the world revolves round them!

It's not strange. In my experience some friends are always or almost always on time while others are almost always late. I don't believe those in the second category just happen to get stuck in traffic (although that's a common excuse). It's usually that they just don't manage their time well or don't give enough consideration to the person who might be waiting for them. That doesn't mean it's deliberate and they want to be rude but it means they probably could do more to make sure they get somewhere on them or a little bit early.

What an odd take on my comment. I am not late to “put people in their place” and I didn’t for a minute suggest that was what had happened or happens with my family. That’s you projecting things in to my comment.
I am well aware that some other people are late because they are inconsiderate and selfish.
I am not late meeting people because I am not rude.
The friend didn’t say anything about traffic, kids or having a bad day’ but said they’d be there at a given time (twice) and then didn’t turn up.

There are multiple posts where the OP points out how much help her friend has, how she doesn't work, how she has it so much harder than her friend. Can you not read in between the lines? None of this is relevant to her friend being late for a play date. To be clear I do think her friend was in the wrong and the OP has nothing to feel bad about. But her posts are dripping with resentment. It's not her friends fault the OP doesn't have the help she has. The fact is you cannot be friends with people you envy. The OP is no friend to this woman and should stop seeing her if her life upsets her so much.

Mountain out of a molehill. She was super late. You had to leave at a certain time. I would have done the same as you.

People who have babies who sleep anywhere actually have babies who take really short naps, and have to put up with a lot of overtiredness. My baby is a brilliant sleeper, but he has to be in his cot.

No way on earth am I wasting my day pandering to someone who is late and risking a horrible overtired toddler at bedtime.

You appear to resent her.

She is either more laid back than you and doesn’t think meeting half an hour away in a park she frequents often is on a timer and/or can give or take meeting up with you. I don’t agree she should have left you waiting for so long unless she had some drama at home that delayed her.

As she doesn’t respond to your messsges, you’d have to wonder if perhaps she doesn’t particularly want to meet you but doesn’t know how to tell you.

Just let it go.

That doesn't mean she's jealous, she's pointing out the friend doesn't have any excuses not to have her shit in order and expects people to bed over backwards for her.

I can read between the lines just fine thanks, but I think you're reading too much into it because for some odd reason you want the OP to be jealous rather than have a point.

She didn't try to get there for rhe agreed time either! That's the point.

The truth is OP was an hour early. Friend was 50 minutes late. Neither were there at the actual agreed time.

I have a friend like this and it’s quite annoying. We agree on a time. Then about 15 minutes before that time she will be there and messages me ‘I’m stood here waiting’ and it really pisses me off as I am on time. She’s just early!

My daughter has a friend like this, always late for everything even when my daughter had a small baby. When the friend had a child she thought it'd be better, but it wasn't! She does love this friend though, so now she just tells her if she's late she won't hang around waiting. Also she doesn't stay later because the friend is late. Just be upfront!

YANBU.

I arranged to meet a friend at a cafe near a park where she and her sister were walking. We agreed a meeting time beforehand, I messaged when I was leaving and gave my ETA. I arrived on time, she said she was still 20 minutes away.

So I waited…another message arrived after 20 minutes to say they were a bit lost….I waited about 50 minutes in total at which point I had enough. We were only supposed to have a 1 hour catch up for which I’d perfectly timed toddler’s nap. When I eventually left, toddler was up and they were still 15 minutes away. No apology either.

When you have a small baby or a toddler it can be stressful just hanging around waiting for people!

This is the best way to handle people who have poor time keeping!

I can’t recall ever leaving anywhere because my baby needed a nap. Both mine learned to nap on their prams or buggies. In fact they slept better out and about than if we ended up in the house all day. And to be honest if I was leaving for them to nap at home they’d have probably fallen asleep in the car and then been awake once we got home. I did often spend time sitting drinking a macdonalds brew in the car when they fell asleep at random times during travel to make sure they got a decent nap - one would happily transfer asleep into the house but the other would ping eyes open when the engine stopped!!

On the other hand, I am not a fan of people being late. I’ve a flaky friend who we often met with her child. One time we sat in the car park waiting for them to arrive and they were nearly an hour late, but after that it would be - just come and find us, we will be at x or y. The only time I’d be rushing off would be if we had something like a baby class planned, or meeting someone else or it was time to get home for family tea.

I dont understand why you've started this post asking people for their opinions as to whether you were reasonable, but if someone comments saying they don't think you were you argue with them?
Personally I don't understand why you would get somewhere for 10am if the other person says they are aiming for 10.30/11. You are complaining that you spent so long on your own, but even if she hadn't been late, you were going at 10 knowing that you could then be on your own for an hour until 11. And you are acknowledging that she may be a bit put out that she only saw you for an hour, but even if she got there on time (11) and you left at 12.30 (the time you hadn't told her you had already decided you wanted to leave) it would have been a 70 min round trip for her to only see you for an hour and a half. So in answer to your question, yes you are unreasonable for not telling her that you were planning to leave an hour and a half after she got there, even if she wasn't late. An hour and a half is not a day out at a country park