Why are so many English people so cold and reserved?

[Seventell]

Im English myself. But i havent lived In England for a long time.

Ive had a nice career and ive lived and worked all over Europe. I most recently, was living in Italy.

My female boss in italy was so nice.

The first day that i was there, she asked me what i liked to do, i said that i liked to go to art classes. She told me about all the art museums in the area.

She looked up art classes for me to go to.
She also used to bring in little cakes for me every day. She said things like "if you ever need help with anything, ask me" my other colleagues were all really nice to me aswell. They would invite me out for dinners, and they were all so kind.

Ive just moved back to England two weeks ago. Im just shocked! My boss here is so cold. But not just cold. He seems really emotionally stunted, like he is barely able to have a conversation.
My other colleagues are like that aswell. They are really cold.
Ive also gone out to groups and ive seen that english people are much colder in these groups, then people are in other countries that ive lived in

Its just made me think - what has happened to english people. A lot of them seem so emotionally stunted and emotionally damaged.

I think you've just been unlucky with your current boss and colleagues.

My current 'boss' is very friendly, helpful and supportive. I've had other bosses the same. Yes I've had the odd, odd one and the bully type as well but overall people have been friendly and helpful.

It depends what you like though? I would find your Italian boss a bit overbearing but it’s nice that she cared and your colleagues.

I work in England in a huge corporate and my boss and teammates are so kind and lovely and we all talk about family and home life, illnesses and celebrations and do birthday cards etc

There are some absolutely wonderful and kind people in England who do amazing things for charity and community.

There are courageous people who would help a stranger in need no questions asked.

We’re not… your boss and colleagues are. I can’t say I’ve found English people to be bad at conversation or kindness. Maybe you’ve become used to countries where people are more dramatic and extroverted and so you’ve lost the ability to ready more introverted people?

Either way, your experience of a few people is not every person in England. Even if it was, there’s nothing wrong with being more controlled in your emotions and friendships. My boss for example is not my mate, he’s my boss.

I also think it’s a bit fucked up to call strangers emotionally stunted and damaged’ because they’re not looking up art classes for their employee or inviting you over for dinner.

I'm foreign and this is not my experience at all. I do live in the north. Most of my colleagues are quite friendly and chatty, some are the funniest people I've known in my life. I do agree that with English there's a separation between work and personal life unlike my experience working in America where you'd get invited to have dinner at their home quite soon after you just know each other. With British colleagues I do hang out but at work night outs mostly unless you're really friends.

i think YABU. I work in a team of 15, (stressful job) the team are very supportive and friendly. Likewise, any groups, people I meet through social situations are the same.

I live north east England, where are you?

Yep ! How rude of you

I've worked in England all my life (I'm 53), with English bosses and with English and European colleagues. I haven't generally found the English ones cold at all. My current colleagues are absolutely lovely!

Emotional repression that’s carried over from stiff upper lip, war times ?

don’t know what it was like before the war tho, have all of brits always been this way even before ww1 and 2 ?

Its definitely been a culture shock!
People are definitely more emotional , friendly and kind in spain and italy, in my opinion.

I think to be so emotionay closed, is a sign of emotional damage.

English people are also known around europe for being "cold and reserved". Thats how english people are known.

Like ive heard spanish and italian people say that they think that English people are very difficult to talk to, because they are so reserved.

I just wonder what happened.

I think part of it is island isolation. The UK is quite alone. The UK is definitely more alone than most other European countrie.

Because its an island.

And when you dont mix with a lot of other countries, you can get very introverted and insular.

Absolutely correct. OP, have you always been prone to ludicrous generalisations based on your own, narrow experience?

I live in London and am Irish. I found getting to know English people very difficult at first and was mostly friends with other foreigners at first. But English people have really grown on me. I honestly thinks it's a social awkwardness rather than coldness for the most part. Similarly to others I have lots of kind English colleagues. Give it time!

Try living in Sweden for a bit!

The English being known for their stiff upper lip is for a reason, I think British people are fairly cold and reserved, my husband thinks the complete opposite. It just depends on what you’re normal is that you’re comparing someone to.

@Seventell

completely agree with @Holeypyjamas

"It depends what you like though? I would find your Italian boss a bit overbearing but it’s "nice" that she cared and your colleagues"

We take our social cues from the weather.
Thanks to large corporations polluting and climate change we are all expected to be positively manic by 2050.

I've lived in a Mediterranean country, OP - and the only friends my partner and I made were other immigrants (German, French, Albanian, Romanian as well.as other Brits). The locals, including our neighbours, barely gave us the time of day.

I haven't taken those 4 years and decided that the natives of that country are emotionally cold and damaged because that's just MY experience.

You talk about 'English People' as if you aren't one yourself? Are you exactly like this then? Have you joined your workplace and asked people to dinner at your home and researched hobbies for them to join?

Or is it just everyone else that's wrong?

I used the comparison to highlight the difference.

When i arrived in italy. My italian boss asked me about my journey. She looked up things that i would like to do in the local area. She asked me about my life. She was hust nice

My UK boss has barely spoken to me, apart from reading me a list of stuff. He hasnt asked me one question about myself. Hes rude and unfriendly. Ive tried to make small talk with him, but hes just rude and cold.

They are just two people as one example.

But ive also experienced this rudeness and coldness from other people that ive met in England. Its like they dont know how to be nice

The English are definitely known for their stiff upper lip!

Have to disagree on this. As I mentioned above am Irish, an even more isolated little island nation where people are friendly, emotional and never stop chatting to randoms.

I agree English people are more reserved. I come from a culture where people are more open, but that’s not necessarily always a good thing. They’ll tell you when you’ve put on weight, ask how much you earn, why you’re not pregnant yet, etc, which I don’t like.

However, I would disagree that English people aren’t helpful. My employers are motivated to help me succeed in my career, are inclusive to me and my culture and are often extremely kind.

I do come across racism out and about but never at work. Whenever I’m brought to tears by a racist remark/act, I have to remind myself that the people I work with don’t think like that and have never made me feel lesser.

Your Italian boss sounds lovely but not everyone would want a boss to step over into friendship so fast. Could be awkward if they need to tell you off!

How about you stop talking about an entire nation of people as if we are a homogenous blob?

And suggesting that we are isolated and don't mix with other countries - the city where I live 201 languages are spoken and only 27% of the population is white British so I don't recognise that either.

You read like you swallowed a list of 1950s stereotypes.

I’m English and I’ve worked in a few different European countries and every single Irish community I’ve met is so outgoing, friendly, ready for a laugh, ready to make friends etc

Infact, 10/10 to the Irish for being probably the best representatives of their country when abroad 🤣❤️ and at home too because they were lovely when I visited Ireland too!

If everyone you meet seems ‘cold’ to you maybe it’s a ‘you’ problem, rather than an ‘everyone else’ problem.