Why are so many English people so cold and reserved?

[Seventell]

Im English myself. But i havent lived In England for a long time.

Ive had a nice career and ive lived and worked all over Europe. I most recently, was living in Italy.

My female boss in italy was so nice.

The first day that i was there, she asked me what i liked to do, i said that i liked to go to art classes. She told me about all the art museums in the area.

She looked up art classes for me to go to.
She also used to bring in little cakes for me every day. She said things like "if you ever need help with anything, ask me" my other colleagues were all really nice to me aswell. They would invite me out for dinners, and they were all so kind.

Ive just moved back to England two weeks ago. Im just shocked! My boss here is so cold. But not just cold. He seems really emotionally stunted, like he is barely able to have a conversation.
My other colleagues are like that aswell. They are really cold.
Ive also gone out to groups and ive seen that english people are much colder in these groups, then people are in other countries that ive lived in

Its just made me think - what has happened to english people. A lot of them seem so emotionally stunted and emotionally damaged.

Why would it be inapppropriate for work colleagues to be mates though.?

Im still friends with some people that i worked with ten years ago.

My mum still talks to a woman that she worked with in the 1970s!

I’ve Lived in a Med country where people immediately wanted to know how much you earned, how much rent you were paying, what you paid for this or that, you name it.
Give me a bit of polite reserve any day.

While we’re on national generalisations, how about Scandis and the Dutch being very ‘direct’, which is often a polite way of saying rude?

Having been around Europe myself I have never found anyone saying that the English are cold and reserved. That’s not how English people are known at all.

What a very strange thread.

Not being overly involved and ecstatically friendly to you is not the same as being cruel OP. Adjust your expectations and make friends outside of work. Alternatively, yes, perhaps the UK and its culture isn’t one you like.

Youve never heard people say that english people are cold and reserved?

Surely youve heard of the saying

"English people have a stiff upper lip". Which is a very popular saying

That saying means that english people dont show much emotion.

You are talking nonsense now. London is probably the most international city in Europe. The UK is a very international country. Presumably that is a legacy of having had a big empire.

Ah it’s not strange we love a bit of English bashing. Don’t you know that by just not being English you’re automatically BETTER AT EVERYTHING on MN?

Yes. I think id just got used to a more emotional culture.

Maybe ill readjust and ill get used to the UK again after a while.

Again no I have not heard that the English are cold and reserved and have spent a lot of time in Europe.

Of course I Have heard of the stiff upper lip saying but it was used in my Grandparents era not heard recently. I don’t know why you feel the need to explain it again that it means people don’t show emotion it’s clear what it means but you are wrong to say all English are like it and the rest of Europe agree because they don’t.

Oh but she has been living in another European country dontcha know. Been living with the lovely friendly Italians and is now having mix with cold emotionally stunted English people.....oh the horrors. Quick OP hot foot it back to Italy fast.

Have lived and worked in England all of my life. Work in a wonderful team of caring, kind and compassionate Nurses, I do not recognise what you are describing.

English people have had this reputation for decades - if not centuries! It goes with emotional reserve and the English stiff upper lip, it can come across as coldness.

You've touched a nerve with a lot of posters OP!

I definitely don't think this is the reason. I'm an Australian living in England and whenever I return to Australia I have reverse culture shock by how open and friendly most people are. It only really hits me how reserved many English people are whenever I return home, and Australia is much, much more isolated!!

Yes, you have probably just been unlucky/ your own personal experience.

I am originally Kurdish but have lived here in England for over 27 years. I have studied here and worked in various jobs - everyone has been lovely and friendly; always eager to help and accommodate me in the new working environment.

I actually think the English and us British people are one of the most polite people in the world, perhaps some can be a little reserved, however they have never been cold.

Yes a lot of English people are very reserved arent they. It was definitely a shock to me.

And they dont even seem to realise how reserved and unemotional they are. Becausee its become normal to them.

Its like a real inability to show emotion. Its strange

I doubt you've met all 58 million English people but generalise away.

If you need your boss to bring in cakes and look up art classes for you to feel part of a team then I think it is you need to grow up and stop confusing your manager with your mum. Work requires professional behaviour and boundaries.

Its not strange, it’s cultural.

like every country

Gross generalisation.. why judge English people based just on your boss and colleagues!

I find English people to be overly extroverted. My bf reminds me when I go get a haircut that I have to talk to them 😅

Sigh. You said it in response to another poster countering your ‘point’ about English people being ‘cold and cruel’ because they’re an island nation, by pointing out that Ireland, generally thought of as being very friendly, is also an island nation. Or are you confused by how conversations work? What point is it you thought you were trying to make about Irish anti-immigration protests?

I’m Irish, but lived in three different parts of England for 20 years. I’ve also lived longterm in the US, France and the ME. I certainly don’t recognise your ‘cold and cruel’ stereotype, and by your reckoning someone from a ‘friendly’ country should have been miserable. I certainly encountered semi-regular anti-Irish prejudice, but from a small minority of English people. Even though it contributed to my decision to leave, it didn’t make me churn out insane generalisations about an entire population on the internet.

There's a definite difference in general. I've lived in two Latin countries, including Spain. The people do come across as warmer and less reserved than British people, in the way they communicate and interact. When I first moved there I thought "Wow, Spanish people are the friendliest people on earth! So much nicer than British people."
However, what I will say about the Spanish people I met is that sometimes I found their warmth to be superficial. For example, they might act like my best friend and invite me round for dinner after meeting me once and then it never happened. Or it did happen and I thought we were friends but then after a while it seemed like they werent actually bothered. What I like about English/British people is that they may appear slightly reserved/cold at first but if they get to the stage of inviting you to their house they probably really like you and you've made a lifelong friend! British people are slow to warm up and developing friendships can take a long time, but once you are friends the connection is deep and lasting.
Obviously this is all generalisations. I actually work with two Italians who are both rather cold and unfriendly!

I think you're overreacting to an office-shock (one workplace to another) and to people with probably more boundaries than you like. You only have to read some of the CF (Cheeky Fucker) threads on MN to see how boundaries can serve one very well!

I used the bosses as one example. But everyone i met in italy was more friendly and open than everyone ive met in england so far.

Im not saying that english people are bad. Not at all.

Its Just that the culture shock is very difficult to get used to.

Hopefully after a few months ill get a bit more used to the UK way of life.

@Seventell

"Youve never heard people say that english people are cold and reserved?"

Reserved, yes. Cold? no.

I suspect you may be an Italian person 😉

Some people like to set clear boundaries in the workplace regardless of their nationality or culture. It's also possible that there's something about you that many people don't initially warm to.

I broadly agree with you OP, fwiw. I’m foreign, have lived in the UK for about a decade. I find that the average English person is more reserved than their equivalent in Europe, Ireland, Australia, Canada, the States, South America. There’s a particular social dance you have to do, sometimes over long periods of time, to become friends with people here in my experience.

I would hate to live in a culture that was hugely in your face and personal - I have Israeli family and people there have no issue asking about your love life, salary and how much your car cost almost in passing, AND there are many good things about the English too, but yes - agreed.