Why are so many English people so cold and reserved?

[Seventell]

Im English myself. But i havent lived In England for a long time.

Ive had a nice career and ive lived and worked all over Europe. I most recently, was living in Italy.

My female boss in italy was so nice.

The first day that i was there, she asked me what i liked to do, i said that i liked to go to art classes. She told me about all the art museums in the area.

She looked up art classes for me to go to.
She also used to bring in little cakes for me every day. She said things like "if you ever need help with anything, ask me" my other colleagues were all really nice to me aswell. They would invite me out for dinners, and they were all so kind.

Ive just moved back to England two weeks ago. Im just shocked! My boss here is so cold. But not just cold. He seems really emotionally stunted, like he is barely able to have a conversation.
My other colleagues are like that aswell. They are really cold.
Ive also gone out to groups and ive seen that english people are much colder in these groups, then people are in other countries that ive lived in

Its just made me think - what has happened to english people. A lot of them seem so emotionally stunted and emotionally damaged.

I domt experience stiff upper lip much these days. British work culture is turning a bit American especially in tech with the let it all out culture, share share share which I find too much. I worked with a French guy and I found him too damn emotional and sensitive. I wish he's more English!

Werent there just huge protests in Ireland, about immigrants coming into Ireland?

Whilst I think you’re ultimately right OP, it’s also just culture.

surely it’s obvious that cultures are different, everyone knows this right? Countries don’t en masse try and copy another countries culture and behave in the same ways

I'm English. The way you've been treated by your Italian boss is how I've treated a Ozzie on secondment in the UK. Except replace art classes for netball, and swap dinner invites for staying with my family for Christmas, a day in the autumn and a weekend in the spring.

I think your sweeping comments about your single experience with your UK boss is unrealistic.

I wonder how your boss would treat you if you had moved to England as an Italian, rather than a repatriating English person.

IME, expats are offered more support than a re-pat because of a lack of awareness of reverse culture shock. I'd imagine it's more that, that you've experienced.

I’m English, living and working in SE England. I find all the English people I work with and most that I encounter outside of work to be perfectly friendly. Most of them are also funny and interesting. Maybe that’s the vibe I give off so that’s what I get back.

Msybe you’re giving off your ridiculously offensive “all Brits are small-minded damaged xenophobic monsters” vibe.

Either way, YABU to generalise about a whole nation based on your own narrow experience.

Depends on your point of view. You could turn it round to say Italians are over emotional, their country has often been in crisis and they need to button up and get on with life in a British way and then they might start to be as good as we are.

It’s not happened, it’s always been like this

italian people find British people hard to relate to due to cultural differences, not because Italian people are better or nicer.

I find Russians quite hard to get to know but that doesn’t mean there is something wrong with them

you sound a bit colonial the more you talk about it op

Gosh op, what’s your degree in? Armchair psychology? What a load of twaddle.

I have lived in many different countries, made friends in them all, but the key takeaway for me is , that people responded to me based on how I treated them.

I am Scottish. We are supposed to be dour. I don’t think many people would describe me as such. Reserved at times, yes. But I am not a fan of ‘in your face’

I suspect the common denominator here is you & your expectations of what a boss & colleagues ought to be. Primarily, professional. Respectful of your privacy and personal boundaries.
If you become friends, that’s a bonus. But it’s not required for the role.

Read 'Watching the English' by Kate Fox. It's very accurate 😂 there are unspoken rules about privacy and how to show friendliness.

I was relieved to come back after a decade or so overseas, and have made friends so easily here, in my home culture, that I never truly made elsewhere.

Yes the Irish have become quite racist- turns out all that was missing was the opportunity to be so. But that’s not their culture

it does show how history and circumstance shape culture though. The Irish were culturally friendly and welcoming until too many people wanted to come and be welcomed

You say it’s like they don’t know how to be nice… but you’re here calling all English people cold, damaged, stunted, closed, insular. Based on a few people.

Youre English… are you all those things? Are your family? Are your long term friends?

Perhaps English people can simply tell that you dislike them from the bat… and so they don’t bother. Alternatively you may have lost the ability to read your own countrymen and expect them to express things like a Spanish or Italian person.

Oh I agree we are insular, but that doesn't make us cold to each other. I find my English colleagues friendly and good conversationalists. I don't find that being more emotional equals being more friendly. At all. If anything, I find highly emotional people much harder to have a friendly relationship with! I have worked with a few (not most) Southern European colleagues who have been difficult to work with precisely because they have been over-emotional and a bit volatile! Maybe I see it this way because I'm a cold English person though

Haha!

Now you sound like you’re just trying to offend and stir up trouble, I’ve reported your thread.

Well im not fully english. Im mixed. I was born in england. But my parents werent english. They were both from other european countries.

And ive lived in a lot of different european countries.

I just moved to england and i feel so unhappy and lonely. People have been so cruel and cold to me.

Maybe it was a mistake to move here

The English are viewed as reserved and introverted? That's a new one on me! Would definitely depend what part of other countries you are in as I'm sure there are plenty European towns/cities/resorts where the English would not be viewed as reserved 😅

Magaluf? 🤣🤣

Move back @Seventell whilst you still can!

I think you are mistaken. Its more about privacy and respect for privacy. Personally I think its inappropriate for work colleagues to be mates with few exceptions.

Also you need to give people time to warm to you and accept you into their circle.

I must watch that!

Maybe i will get more used to being here after a couple of months.

People have been cruel? I don't think that's a normal English trait. Do you mean colleagues? Or just strangers?

I'm an immigrant and I don't find English/British people cold and reserved in the slightest.
Maybe don't move to Germany or the Scandi countries though!

Haha :)

There you go again, making huge generalisations about an entire population, based on a tiny sample. The majority of Irish people were utterly horrified by those protests.

I never said that all Irish people were protesting about immigrants, did i? Of course all irish people werent protesting against immigrants.

So in fact it you who made the generalisation. I said there was a protest about immigrants, in Ireland recently. Which there was

I know, as I have Irish friends, and they were talking to me a lot about it . Its important to talk about whats happening in places