To want fiance to get rid of his cats

[ellie09]

Hi all

I have been with my fiance for almost 3 years now and we will be moving in together in the next couple of months into my house, as mine is cheaper and we can save more for the wedding and to buy our own house (I live in a "family" home rent free and fiance currently rents on his own).

About a year into our relationship, he rehomed 2 kittens. They are house cats and very good natured but used to a really quiet environment.

I have a Rottweiler aged 6, who used to live with a cat when she was a puppy (before I rehomed her) but hasn't lived with one since.

Some concerns I have:

• Shortly after getting his cats, I found out that I am allergic to them. If I go to his house, I need to make sure I take an antihistamine. If I forget to, I will get tight chest, sore eyes, runny nose etc.

• His cats are house cats and I only live in a 3 bed terrace. I dont think there will be much room and I dont want any of our pets to go upstairs or lie on beds etc (its been a hard rule for my dog, and I would be enforcing it for the cats, especially due to my allergies)

• I think the cats will struggle moving to a much noisier environment. I have a playful dog, and ASD child in a fairly smallish house. They're used to living in a really quiet environment

• I have no idea how my much bigger dog will react to sharing a space with two cats

We are planning to "try" to introduce the animals beforehand and try living with them at least for a bit to see how it goes, but honestly, it sounds like a lot of hard work, especially with me and fiance both WFH and needing a quiet space also.

He is also aware that if my dog does not take well to his cats, that they will need to be rehomed.

AIBU to suggest just rehoming them from the get go?

Obviously, I am trying to put myself in his shoes if someone tried to persuade me to rehome my dog.

Why does he need a gaming room? A bit childish, surely? You keep your office, he keeps his cats. Rotweiller will be ok.

I think it suits her to be allergic to them now she wants rid. She's coped well enough the last 2yrs popping an antihistamine

I wouldn't expect them to adapt. But I would accept that living together and perhaps the relationship was not realistic.

My cats would come first. I made a lifetime commitment to care for them.

Why do I click on these threads 😭

It sounds tough op and I think he has to rehome them if you are to stay together - assuming your allergy is that bad and he's tried everything like brushing them, vacuuming regularly etc.

I wouldn't want to be with someone who would be willing to rehome in this situation though, and I wouldn't want to be the reason why 2 cats are returned into an already bursting at the seams rescue. I'd feel so guilty, I just couldn't.

So i guess if i was either of you id have just accepted youre not compatible.

I am very pet orientated though and have treated all my pets as companions and have cherished them all dearly. I spent a small fortune on tests trying to work out why my dog developed little bald patches behind her ear, side and back near her tail before me and the vet worked out it was me stroking, tickling and scritching her so often that caused it 😭 there's no way I'd rehome a pet for anyone.

You read that she’s not currently living with him, yes?

The only relevant info is that you are allergic.

You can't live with cats so you need to both decide what you are going to do.

I feel sorry for your partner.

You sound awful. Maybe he will break up with you and solve the problem.

Good point

We are big cat people. When DD was very little it looked like she might be allergic to our cats. We looked into lots of different things but ultimately we would have rehomed the cats if the allergy couldn’t be handled. As it turns out she had hayfever which is managed with seasonal antihistamines. But I can’t control the grass and plane trees all around us (her hayfever got so bad at one point we seriously investigated moving to somewhere like Dartmoor)!

Yes, I also read she pops a tablet when she goes round for the past 2yrs. Also do you genuinely think her DP isn't carrying cat hair on his clothes if he goes to hers

@ellie09 I think you should stay living apart, you can keep your office and he can keep his cats :)

My husband had a cat when we got together 14 years ago. The cat was put to sleep last month aged 20. I'm allergic to cats and I took antihistamine tablets all through that time with my allergy flaring up whenever I forgot.

Although my allergy was pretty miserable I wouldn't change anything, but I'm relieved it's no longer an issue. We will not get another cat.

Cats can live a LONG time. You both need to think long and hard about this to make a conscious decision and not just sleepwalk into it.

Childish?? Give over 🤣

You shouldn't live with cats if you're allergic to them. I find it utterly bizarre that there are people on here thinking you're unreasonable for not wanting to be ill every day. TBH, if your fiance expects you to put up with allergies for the next ten years just because of two cats, I'd consider that a major red flag.

I love cats but the two that came with my DH pee in the house which is gross. And our house is large, quiet, with no dog, and they are allowed outside.

In your situation I'd be delaying moving in together. Or buying somewhere bigger and letting the cats be outdoor cats.

Completely agree.

I think people are forgetting that the op is allergic.

Let's call the whole thing off!

If you are ok with your ASD child being with a rottweiler I am sure you can handle a couple of cats.

Use a 1 a day antihistamine and try introducing your dog to the cats on a trial basis

This is a no-win situation for the poor cats, and I feel really sad for them. They either have to be rehomed or share very tight living space with a young child and a Rottweiler. Of the two choices, rehoming is probably the more humane option (and I am a massive cat lover) - they will not have a moment's peace in that house. They will forever be looking for somewhere to hide, with no viable options.

But the best option would be to delay getting married and use some (most) of the wedding money to buy a bigger house.

I think it’s unfair to rehome anyone but I understand that you want to move in together. With the money saved is it possible to build a ‘catio’ room for the cats enabling them to have their own space? A temporary structure like this doesn’t need planning and means you can socialise the cat and dog on their own terms but have a cat flap so the cats can choose.
In my experience, rotties settle very well with cats, an older rottie will be more relaxed.
As far as your allergy, you would have to take permanent antihistamines. There’s a few things to consider here but you need to think about solutions that don’t involve rehoming.

Bc she is allergic to them. If he was allergic to her dog, then she would have re-home it.

So basically you are going to ignore all the comments about what a complete disaster this will probably be?

Fair enough, pretty standard for AIBU.

Cats don't typically pee in the house unless there is a health issue or they don't like the type of litter or tray being used.

Or of course if they weren't neutered and it is actually spraying.

If they are peeing regularly and you can't see a cause then I would be taking them to the vet to see if it's a health issue or environmental. Cats are very clean. Mine have never, ever peed outside the litter tray apart from a singular ocassion when one had cystitis.