To want fiance to get rid of his cats

[ellie09]

Hi all

I have been with my fiance for almost 3 years now and we will be moving in together in the next couple of months into my house, as mine is cheaper and we can save more for the wedding and to buy our own house (I live in a "family" home rent free and fiance currently rents on his own).

About a year into our relationship, he rehomed 2 kittens. They are house cats and very good natured but used to a really quiet environment.

I have a Rottweiler aged 6, who used to live with a cat when she was a puppy (before I rehomed her) but hasn't lived with one since.

Some concerns I have:

• Shortly after getting his cats, I found out that I am allergic to them. If I go to his house, I need to make sure I take an antihistamine. If I forget to, I will get tight chest, sore eyes, runny nose etc.

• His cats are house cats and I only live in a 3 bed terrace. I dont think there will be much room and I dont want any of our pets to go upstairs or lie on beds etc (its been a hard rule for my dog, and I would be enforcing it for the cats, especially due to my allergies)

• I think the cats will struggle moving to a much noisier environment. I have a playful dog, and ASD child in a fairly smallish house. They're used to living in a really quiet environment

• I have no idea how my much bigger dog will react to sharing a space with two cats

We are planning to "try" to introduce the animals beforehand and try living with them at least for a bit to see how it goes, but honestly, it sounds like a lot of hard work, especially with me and fiance both WFH and needing a quiet space also.

He is also aware that if my dog does not take well to his cats, that they will need to be rehomed.

AIBU to suggest just rehoming them from the get go?

Obviously, I am trying to put myself in his shoes if someone tried to persuade me to rehome my dog.

The kindest thing to do to the cats is to settle them with the aunt.

This ⬆️. Be done with it and then enjoy your new living arrangements. Am sick of people having a go at you, OP. As if you intended to traumatise the cats... 🙄 But it's clear your well meaning attempts to integrate them are not working.

I still say don't live together!

This arrangement isn't fair on anyone concerned.

The cats are terrified. You are allergic. It feels like you've compromised because you don't want to force an ultimatum of it is me or the cats because that feels unfair to your partner but really it's unfair to you and the cats for your partner to agree to this compromise when he should be putting your health and their wellbeing first.

It feels like from the second he got them knowing you'd be moving in together he wanted to have his cake and eat it too.

No, you shouldn't offer ultimatums. He should be sensible enough to put the welfare of his pets first, but equally neither should you agree to a compromise knowing it puts their welfare and wellbeing at risk to selfishly move a man into your property.

Not least withstanding your child. What if the cats remain terrified or your allergies don't settle but your child grows attached to them, and then suddenly they have to be rehomed?

This isn't going to end well for anyone.

Please just send the cats to Auntie, forget all other scenarios

This completely. Don't put those little cats through this. They are totally dependent on you two for their lives and happiness. If you are allergic to cats it's not going to work out anyway. This and your DC leaving doors open will put them at huge risk of harm, not to mention the chaotic household situation you say you have. Stop terrorizing those cats. They must be petrified to be shaking and vomiting. I've had cats all may life and I have only ever seen this once with a feral cat that was caught to be spayed. It was a horrible thing to see and upsetting. Does it upset you seeing the cats so terrified?

The issue isn't your dog - it's the fact that you want your fiance to get rid of his pets. Pets aren't commodities. They shouldn't just be passed around whenever it suits. I absolutely understand that there are times when people have no option but it's not up to you to demand that your fiancé gets rid of his pets.

As for your rules that pets shouldn't go upstairs and lie on beds - seriously, get real. You only live in a three bedroom terrace? I live in a one bedroom flat and I have three cats. They don't all live in the same space but come on.
Just seen the update - the cats are terrified. Awful. Don't put them through any more distress.

They've already been rescued and they are going to be given away again? When I was moving house a few years ago my cat stayed one night with my mum to make the house move easier (she knew my mum well) and she was so traumatised because she thought she was being dumped I had to bring her home the next day

You did read the part where she is allergic to cats?

I agree!!