To want fiance to get rid of his cats

[ellie09]

Hi all

I have been with my fiance for almost 3 years now and we will be moving in together in the next couple of months into my house, as mine is cheaper and we can save more for the wedding and to buy our own house (I live in a "family" home rent free and fiance currently rents on his own).

About a year into our relationship, he rehomed 2 kittens. They are house cats and very good natured but used to a really quiet environment.

I have a Rottweiler aged 6, who used to live with a cat when she was a puppy (before I rehomed her) but hasn't lived with one since.

Some concerns I have:

• Shortly after getting his cats, I found out that I am allergic to them. If I go to his house, I need to make sure I take an antihistamine. If I forget to, I will get tight chest, sore eyes, runny nose etc.

• His cats are house cats and I only live in a 3 bed terrace. I dont think there will be much room and I dont want any of our pets to go upstairs or lie on beds etc (its been a hard rule for my dog, and I would be enforcing it for the cats, especially due to my allergies)

• I think the cats will struggle moving to a much noisier environment. I have a playful dog, and ASD child in a fairly smallish house. They're used to living in a really quiet environment

• I have no idea how my much bigger dog will react to sharing a space with two cats

We are planning to "try" to introduce the animals beforehand and try living with them at least for a bit to see how it goes, but honestly, it sounds like a lot of hard work, especially with me and fiance both WFH and needing a quiet space also.

He is also aware that if my dog does not take well to his cats, that they will need to be rehomed.

AIBU to suggest just rehoming them from the get go?

Obviously, I am trying to put myself in his shoes if someone tried to persuade me to rehome my dog.

I truly don't think living together is viable. Yes, three years is normally the time you'd think about moving in with each other, but just because something is the norm for most other people doesn't mean it's the right path for you as a couple.

Your cat allergy would be sufficient reason not to move him in. I'm allergic to cats and I couldn't live with them. You might think you can mitigate the allergy with antihistamines, rooms that are out of bounds for them etc, but you can't - there's a low-level stress to being on top of all those things. One of my old housemates got a cat with no warning and I couldn't take more than a month (she temporarily rehomed it then moved out when her lease was up). I also don't think it's reasonable that either of you should give up your pets.

On top of all that you have pets who might conflict AND an ASD child AND you both WFH? Living together will be an absolute disaster regardless of how much you love each other. You will both be miserable and you will break up within the year.

It's OK not to live together. Plenty of couples do that. Usually couples who are older than you but frankly it's the only way your relationship will be viable anyway. You need to park the idea of moving in with each other for the foreseeable.

OP, even I think you're unreasonable, and I loathe cats!
If the two of you can't agree or compromise re pets, then you need to think twice about whether to marry, or even to move in together.
I'm not sure why your fiance should be tje only person who has to make a sacrifice 🤷‍♀️

YABU to want him to rehome his cats when you wouldn’t rehome your dog.

But also for planning a wedding with someone you’ve never lived with. I hope the wedding is in 2027 or beyond because this is not advisable

That is ridiculous. You can't harm your body like that by taking AH permanently.

If need to work this out together! You can't just go "well I have 2 reasons you need to rehome your cats, so rehome your cats!" Would he rather not move in with you than rehome his cats?

I complained to my then fiancé DH that he seemed to think more of his cat than me. His response was that I shouldn’t ask him to choose between it and me, because the cat would win.

The three of us did all end up happily living together.

Well if you’re allergic to cats you can’t really live with them. So in this instance you’re not being unreasonable to ask him to rehome, otherwise you might need to live apart

Well, he obviously cares more about his cats than your health. I would dump him.

Lucky you. I have taken them to the vet and they were dismissive. I believe it's territorial as unfortunately although the cats are sisters they don't like each other.

She probably won't need to. I don't take them any more around my cats. I'm still allergic if they sit on me for too long, and I need to wash my bedding more often, as one of them has taken to sleeping on the end of my bed, but 99% of the time I am fine.

No way would I rehome my pets for anyone no matter what.

But you expect him to rehome his cats! 🙄Nope. Why should he?

Wow! Tbh I don’t think you should be moving in with eachother

It sounds to me like you're seeing this move as him moving into "your" house and expecting him to fit in with the life you already have, rather than the two of you making a home together in a house that used to be just yours.

He has cats, you have a dog, both are equally important to their owner. If your dog is so old that he couldn't be rehomed then I can't imagine he's that loud and cats can adjust better to a slightly noisier environment than they can to being rehomed.

Unreasonable. They are his family. They were there first.

Then wait and move in together after the dog departs its earthly life.

TABVU to even ask, let alone expect, him to rehome his cats.

You have a potentially dangerous rottweiler and an ASD child and you expect him to get rid of his CATS....?!

Unbelievable 🤣

I'm on fexofenadine permanently and take it every day because I have allergies to lots of things. It's considered safe for long term use.

Feliway Optimum plugins help with territory issues. The Optimum version is the best by far.

Also Feliway Cystease capsules sprinkled onto their wet food helps a lot too. I know loads of people who have had a lot of success when combining the two.

Maybe give them a try :)

You don't think a gaming room is childish? 😂

I dont have a "dangerous" rottweiler. What basis are you drawing this from? She has been well socialized and trained with children and other dogs from she was a puppy.

The only dog that has ever bitten me was a poodle, and the only dog I have seen attacking another was a jack russell. Go figure.

I've never heard of fexofenadine. I have to take Piriton quite a lot, especially over summer. I'm also allergic to a lot of things (cats, rodents, birds, grass pollen, house dust, paint fumes are the ones I know about, and donkeys, but I do occasionally get symptoms and cannot pinpoint a cause, so there are some unknown allergies too.)

Do you need a prescription for it? My GP knows I take Piriton regularly and has never expressed any concern, so I assume it is considered safe for regular usage.

Wait until the dog has passed away before moving in together. It won't kill you to wait.

However you're allergic to cats so this relationship is not for you. He has cats and you are horrible for expecting them to be rehomed. There are too many animals needing homes for you to just add to the problem.

I'd be telling you to get fucked.