To want fiance to get rid of his cats

[ellie09]

Hi all

I have been with my fiance for almost 3 years now and we will be moving in together in the next couple of months into my house, as mine is cheaper and we can save more for the wedding and to buy our own house (I live in a "family" home rent free and fiance currently rents on his own).

About a year into our relationship, he rehomed 2 kittens. They are house cats and very good natured but used to a really quiet environment.

I have a Rottweiler aged 6, who used to live with a cat when she was a puppy (before I rehomed her) but hasn't lived with one since.

Some concerns I have:

• Shortly after getting his cats, I found out that I am allergic to them. If I go to his house, I need to make sure I take an antihistamine. If I forget to, I will get tight chest, sore eyes, runny nose etc.

• His cats are house cats and I only live in a 3 bed terrace. I dont think there will be much room and I dont want any of our pets to go upstairs or lie on beds etc (its been a hard rule for my dog, and I would be enforcing it for the cats, especially due to my allergies)

• I think the cats will struggle moving to a much noisier environment. I have a playful dog, and ASD child in a fairly smallish house. They're used to living in a really quiet environment

• I have no idea how my much bigger dog will react to sharing a space with two cats

We are planning to "try" to introduce the animals beforehand and try living with them at least for a bit to see how it goes, but honestly, it sounds like a lot of hard work, especially with me and fiance both WFH and needing a quiet space also.

He is also aware that if my dog does not take well to his cats, that they will need to be rehomed.

AIBU to suggest just rehoming them from the get go?

Obviously, I am trying to put myself in his shoes if someone tried to persuade me to rehome my dog.

There are multiple ways you can be allergic to cats and some allergies are mild, some are life threatening. Stop telling people with serious allergies they can be stopped with cat food 🤦

Out of curiosity, what made you think to get tested and how did you go about getting the tests. Asking for a friend 😁

You have a Rottweiler. My sympathies end there and then. If you did not have a potential killer I would probably be understanding about why living with a cat is probably a non-starter.

I hope it works out for you all OP, whether you all move in together or not.
While your dog sounds well trained and good temperament, such breeds can still over power a human , a bit like keeping a tame lion I think . It may never attack but if it did a person stands zero chance. Let alone a cat.

I was tested for ASD when my son was diagnosed as they were curious of a genetic link (he's first in our family)

I then went to GP about ADHD as once I learned more on it, the symptoms resonated with me. Ive always been depressed, had anxiety and almost "manic" episodes from a teen that were dismissed. They agreed it sounded a log like ADHD so I was referred.

My DP also has a sister with ADHD and says he can see a lot of how I behave us similar to his sister.

Thank you

I trust my dog more than most humans around my son.

Love rotties.
Can you keep your dog preoccupied with treats while the cats are in view? Lots of very short bursts of the dog seeing the cats, but not being able to reach them, and becoming more interested in the treats than their presence. The dog needs to get used to seeing them around before being let loose, and they need to have an escape route, without the dog being able to chase. If the dog gets used to them, there’s no reason it can’t work if you do agree to letting them upstairs, but keep them out of your bedroom. They all need a space to get away from each other which helps as the dog isn’t allowed upstairs.
Also have you looked into catios or cat proofing the garden?

@Thesoundofscience This makes it all OK and safe for the child too,especially if the Rottie becomes agitated and starts chasing the cats 🙄

@Luv2luv9 What’s the 🙄 for? Op isn’t asking for advice on the relationship between her dog and child. That isn’t an issue for her as far as I understand, only for the number of people who’ve jumped on her for her choice of breed of dog, which is one the best, in my opinion (which I understand is totally subjective and only based on my own experience of this beautiful, loyal breed).

Why would it chase the cat? It's a rottweiler, not a sighthound, they are not known for having a high prey drive. They are a herding/guardian type breed, not a hunting type.

Anecdotal, but we have a rottie x and a bunch of idiotic lapdogs/toy dogs. The chihuahuas are 100% more likely to chase the cats. They have a love/hate relationship. The rottie x learned long ago that cats have sharp claws are best avoided.

Edited to say he also learned long ago that chihuahuas are actually rabid wolves in disguise and are also best avoided

Just as an update

We are obviously going to try and live together with all pets etc first and trial it.

If it becomes too much, DP's aunt has offered to take both cats, so they will still be in the family and well looked after (at least they will be with someone we know!)

The pets have met 3 times now (through a glass door, not in same room) and the cats are still petrified to the point of being sick and shaking. My dog is just sitting as well, tail wagging (nothing excessive).

I think our main worries is the cats will become too stressed in my very chaotic house vs what they are used to and also that DS has a habit of leaving doors open etc so cats could end up escaping.

We will see how we get on first, but its a big relief to know theres an option there to rehome them with a family member.

I would never get another breed of dog now - the best I have had for families, and I've had cockers, beagles, labs and jack Russell!

Thanks for the update OP. Nice to know there's a back up plan and alternative home for the cats.
Not sure I get all the rottie hate. I know a few people who own them and find them to be loyal and loving dogs.

I wouldn’t marry you if you were my fiancé.
YABU.

Thank you for the update. I admit reading this and seeing you are both willing to have the cats shaking and being sick at the sight of a huge dog they will never get used to is to me bordering on cruelty. I hope the poor souls go and live with the aunt as suggested without putting them through this trauma.

Great update @ellie09.

This in spades. Even reading that about the poor cats is dreadful, let alone witnessing it and STILL thinking it's fine to try them all living together. It's plain that for you your dog comes first above everything and everyone else.

OP is ALLERGIC to cats.
So am I. Sick of the 'take an antihistamine' crowd. All brands of AH make me fall asleep and they don't help with the asthmatic wheezing NOT BREATHING and ending up in A&E because my ex thought he could style it out, vacuum more and keep the cats out of the bedroom. It didn't work, the protein in the cats saliva sets me off.
He admits he was unrealistic about wanting to keep his cats and expecting me to move in with cats after the A&E Dr told us that it's not possible for me to live with cats, full stop.
I think COVID made people fall in love with their animals. I chose not to give him an ultimatum 'me or the cats' and just ended things due to incompatibility.
2 months later he said he was stupid to try to get me to compromise and asked to meet but why would anyone want to be with someone who prioritised animal relationships over human connection?

@Frequency In our house, the cats are more likely to chase and annoy the dogs 😬

Yes, allergies are serious. People dismiss them, brush them off, but they can be really debilitating.
Saying this as someone who can’t take the medication I need as I am allergic to it (anaphylaxis).
DC is allergic to cats and dogs. It really interferes with his life. Difficultly visiting friends and relatives houses etc. Sleepovers impossible. This is when dosed to the max on antihistamines.

Just reading this, it’s clear that this arrangement is not going to work for the cats, and I wouldn’t even attempt it.

Regardless of allergies, the area that they will be allowed into is too small and they will be forced into proximity with a dog and child when they are used to roaming their own, quiet home. Our cats can’t even cope with visitors, and they can go outdoors, so escape as soon as they can when people come around.

This situation is a cats worst nightmare - please don’t even attempt it for their sake and get the cats settled at the aunts as soon as possible.

It's not often I'm practically moved to tears by posts concerning cats and dogs simply because I'm allergic to dogs so I tend to base my opinions on this alone.

This time I'm moved to say I am in total support of the cats. They should not be subjected to this selfish experiment when it's perfectly clear how they feel. I sympathise with your allergies OP but this time the fact you are both considering putting the cats through this, never mind your child who is caught in the middle, appalls me.

If the cats are that scared, what exactly do you expect to be different when you trial living together? What's the point of even trying it when it obviously won't work?