To want fiance to get rid of his cats

[ellie09]

Hi all

I have been with my fiance for almost 3 years now and we will be moving in together in the next couple of months into my house, as mine is cheaper and we can save more for the wedding and to buy our own house (I live in a "family" home rent free and fiance currently rents on his own).

About a year into our relationship, he rehomed 2 kittens. They are house cats and very good natured but used to a really quiet environment.

I have a Rottweiler aged 6, who used to live with a cat when she was a puppy (before I rehomed her) but hasn't lived with one since.

Some concerns I have:

• Shortly after getting his cats, I found out that I am allergic to them. If I go to his house, I need to make sure I take an antihistamine. If I forget to, I will get tight chest, sore eyes, runny nose etc.

• His cats are house cats and I only live in a 3 bed terrace. I dont think there will be much room and I dont want any of our pets to go upstairs or lie on beds etc (its been a hard rule for my dog, and I would be enforcing it for the cats, especially due to my allergies)

• I think the cats will struggle moving to a much noisier environment. I have a playful dog, and ASD child in a fairly smallish house. They're used to living in a really quiet environment

• I have no idea how my much bigger dog will react to sharing a space with two cats

We are planning to "try" to introduce the animals beforehand and try living with them at least for a bit to see how it goes, but honestly, it sounds like a lot of hard work, especially with me and fiance both WFH and needing a quiet space also.

He is also aware that if my dog does not take well to his cats, that they will need to be rehomed.

AIBU to suggest just rehoming them from the get go?

Obviously, I am trying to put myself in his shoes if someone tried to persuade me to rehome my dog.

So just over half way then. Not near the end.

Is a 50 year old human near the end of their lifespan??

Rottweiler's only live until 8-10 years usually, not 14 or 15. A quick google search would let you know this.

Yet it is ok for him too?

Because she has had the dog longer than he has had the cats?
Because there is also a child to think about and the child might love the dog? It's also her child's home and a new person living there will already be change enough, but getting rid of his/ her dog too will be too much

Why does this mean he has to get rid of the cats?

He loves his cats, why is the child's love for the dog more important than his for his cats?

edited for clarity

My vote in NBU because you are allergic. I wouldn’t expect to move my animals into another person’s home if they are allergic.

Tbf, cat allergies can be weird. There was a point when I was allergic to cats, I couldn’t be in the same room as them. Now I have looked after friends cats, fostered them and now I have my own.

I suspect that it’s because some people don’t vacuum enough, there’s hair and dust floating around. You could try looking after them in your own house for a week and seeing what happens.

Yes, he has planned all our wedding, got his venue of choice in his hometown which is quite a bit away from my family (we are splitting cost 50/50)

He has got his choice of providers when he are combining bills in the future (he wanted particular wifi, electric, tv companies for his PC requirements which are a lot pricier than I pay atm) and a room in my 3 bed cleared out and waiting for him for his gaming room (which I had to vacate my office for!)

Because he isn't setting up new with OP, he's joining OPs family and when you date someone with kids you have to accept they will put their kids before you. How many times are women on the step parenting board told this? But yet because this thread is about cats people are going all in for the OP.

No, I don't think you should ask him to re home the cats. But I do think it says a lot that he got them after you had been together a year. I'd start looking into what medication/injections work for you long term and get that sorted before you even consider it.

In the meantime, wait for your dog to die.
As you said, it's not very long away.

I really wouldn't move a man in with my autistic child after three years. This gives you time to sort the allergy, get DC comfortable with the whole thing and solves the doc/cat issue.

Your allergies, having a dog and thinking of moving in together is not the fault of the cats. Like children, they do not choose their owners. Owners, however, do have an obligation to the animals they adopt. Shelters are already full with animals who had feckless owners who dumped them when it became inconvenient.

The domestic pet re-homing services are over flowing post Covid. They are turning animals away.

Give local Cats Protection a ring and likely they’ll confirm.

You might find less allergens in the house if they become outdoor cats & the house is kept immaculate to diminish cat hair and dander.

Do your research early so you know what can be done. Being allergic, in my experience is hellish and exhausting. Cats can live very long lives so brace yourself.

I bought a beautiful ragdoll kitten about 10 years ago. I found out I was highly allergic to the point I had tears streaming down my face, my throat was closing up and I had urticaria.

High doses of very strong antihistamines weren’t working so I went to my GP who prescribed stomach medication that has since been recalled and I got over being allergic to my cat.

Anyway, you aren’t ready to be married. I think you should just stay single.

Are you planning to take antihistamines constantly? Nothing about this plan sounds sensible

The issue to me is that you are allergic to his cats. And that’s just very unfortunate and bad luck, but you can’t be expected to live with animals you’re allergic too. Obviously your DF needs to decide if he wants to live with you or keep his cats. And that’s hard, but I agree needs to happen - and happen sooner rather than later.

Why would you get rid of your office for a gaming room?

If you were that much of an animal lover you wouldn't have bought a cat.

Thats the plan. I cant really think of any other solution. If I dont, I will be suffering 24/7.

The last time I forgot, my throat had started to close over.

Its not fiances fault, as I hadn't been around many cats in the past and had no clue I was allergic prior to him getting them.

100% unreasonable. It sounds like you have already made up your mind they have to go so nothing your fiancé is going to do will make a difference.

You admit you wouldn't rehome your dog so I don't think you can expect him to rehome his cats.

I will try to make it work in my home with his cats

This says everything, calling it YOUR home and HIS cats.

You work from home but plan to turn your office into a gaming room for him??

I’m allergic to cats and I have two! It took a few weeks of antihistamines but they don’t really bother me now unless they’re sitting right at my face. I used to look like a mushy, mouldy strawberry, eyes streaming, nose running, sneezing, itchy ears and throat whenever I came into contact with a cat but now the ones I live with I’m fine with. They’re not allowed into my bedroom though. DS is also allergic to cats. He also got used to our old cat who was with us when he lived at home but he had a reaction to the kittens when he was visiting for a few days at Christmas. He also intends to get a cat himself at some point!

Well it will be your fault if you decide to live with them

Maybe just live separately till the dog dies since it only has two years left? Maybe agree that you put it down anyway aged 8. In the interim get his cats used to being outdoor cats.

Not the point of the thread I know but kind of odd to get engaged before moving together, no?