Should I be happy?

[Cnf1]

So, my DH has become very successful in recent years. He makes £500k per annum for the last 5 years and it's on the up. I'm not someone who cares about material things. I drive a 25-year-old yaris and would happily spend the rest of my life living in our 2-bed house which I owned before I met him.
We've had a child in the last two years. I'm a sahm at the moment but planning on getting back to work ASAP, not for the money but for my mental health.
My AIBU is whether I should be unhappy with my current situation.
He works every hour that God sends but as a result, I'm forced into being a parent and housekeeper 24/7. I never wanted this life but have found myself in it. I instinctively feel that he should be doing housework but it feels unfair on him when he's racing home to spend time with our dd before bedtime and then back on his laptop, working. I find myself cooking, cleaning and entertaining our baby round the clock.
I have become the 1950's housewife which is so far from how I was raised and what I ever wanted. Tbh, he was the one who was desperate to have a child, I was on the fence but I'm madly in love with her now.
I want to go back to work ASAP but my meagre salary as a primary school teacher will mean we actually are at a deficit if I do and all the housework will still come down on me as he's permanently working.
He's self-employed and basically in the midst of creating an incredibly lucrative business so there's no chance of him being able to reduce hours.
I think what I'm asking is whether I should be happy pairing his socks, ironing his shirts and cleaning up everything in the house (including his dinner plate) every evening because he has work to do knowing that he is a great provider?

I suspect that even if you get more professional help with cleaning, ironing etc you will still have a DH who leaves a trail of cracker crumbs behind him and gets up from the dinner table without putting his plate in the sink or dishwasher.
He works all the hours God sends, travels away etc? He's just passing through really and as the sole breadwinner he feels entitled but the power balance is off. Of course, he likes you to spend some of the money, it assuages his guilt of keeping you in the supportive 50s housewife role when he senses you don't like it. Some women might be happy to be 'kept' and run the household / skivvy but you're not.
OP, you don't have to go back to teaching, look at other roles, retrain maybe. You don't like this arrangement so talk to him and change it.

OP I've just read through again and you said about outsourcing help basically costing your wage.
I totally get where you're coming from here. I imagine you feel a lot of guilt going to work and not being with your child.

I would think carefully about going back full time as a primary school teacher. I tried it when my daughter was a baby and I didn't cope well.

In my opinion in your situation, I'd either try to find a part time teaching job, do a bit of supply or stop altogether and look at going back once your child is in school. At least then the worst you'll need is wraparound care.

Use childcare and cleaners/gardeners so you can have some time to yourself and not feel like you're constantly cleaning.

I put my child in nursery two days a week so I could pursue a pilot's licence. Crazy but it was the best thing I ever did for myself.

Right my last post was deleted so let me retry.

Your posts do not add up. Anyone with rich parents don't say "my father was a wealthy businessman" - they just don't talk like that.

If you were really raking in £20k+ a month after tax you wouldn't be living in a 2 bed house without a housekeeper or at least a part time nanny to give you a day or two off in the week.

My DH earns similar and when DC were babies I had a nanny 2x a week to give me a break. Then I went back to work for my mental health when they were a bit older and we have a housekeeper.

We've just bought a much bigger house because he wants 'a nice house' considering how hard he works. All I'm thinking is more rooms to clean!

We got the keys today.

No - that’s where you’re wrong it’s probably not best for her to have you at home until she’s 3 !!!
I was a sahm - my daughter works full time - her DCs at lovely nursery - that is better for them ime.

I work 8 hours a week tutoring and I have a weekly cleaner because I don't want to spend all my time cleaning a big 5 bed house. It's insane how long it takes.
Just because you're around to do it doesn't mean you have to. I could clean my oven myself, I've got time. But I don't because I hate doing it, so I've got an oven man who comes every few months.
As an example.

If he’s happy to do anything then just ask him to put his own plate in the dishwasher. If he takes her twice a day and does anything you ask within the times he can, you aren’t worried about not having enough time with him, and you have a cleaner already, I’m struggling with the ‘round the clock’ childcare, cooking and cleaning stuff. You can work and want to work for mental health for a break, but also don’t want a break. Can spend all the money you want but working would loose you too much money 🤷‍♀️ are you sure you are not depressed OP? I agree with others counselling would be really useful to help you establish how you feel and what you want

You already said he’s happy to up the cleaners hours… so that’s that problem solved.

As an aside - when were you last working in a school?
Because I can assure you many primary teachers would kill to be in your situation…… it certainly won’t improve your mental health!

Anyone with your income can hire the help you need. You can look for a nice cleaner who can come often and also do washing, someone perhaps to make some meals, and a really helpful au pair/childminder or even a nanny.

You are not being unreasonable to not want to have to do everything yourself, nor should you have to. Other people usually only do so out of necessity.

Enjoy your baby and get some help.

I don’t understand how you will be in deficit by working as a teacher if he earns 500k? Fair enough if you dont want to work as a teacher but I dont understand the deficit?

I’m not sure why you are doing all this work as surely you could outsource it all on this income whether you work or
not?

Whilst it might feel like you're a single mum when your DH works long hours, and is out of the country often.
But you don't have the financial pressures of other single parents. You have choices - use them to your advantage, buy in help so you can spend quality time with your daughter.

You don’t just need a housekeeper but a life! You don’t have to be materialistic but you do need to be smart. Hire a kind and gentle mothers help and go out, play tennis, meet friends and start to enjoy yourself. Take your baby to groups and meet ups that suit your values. If you have help you can sleep when you need to.

I would consider studying rather than working. It is easy to start and stop whilst you are still awake so much.

Embrace your life and all of your opportunities.

Dear lord woman.

Get a cleaner, get a nanny and get back to work.

Go back to work and pay for a nanny and cleaner.

I'd be very unhappy with so much absence though, not sure how to navigate that.

Seriously, if you hate being a housewife, hire someone. Someone out there will be glad of the work and the salary and you can concentrate on the parts of life you enjoy or go back to work. I don’t get your hesitation? You don’t like pairing his socks, get a daily nanny / cleaner.

This post surely must be fake as it’s all such a no-brainer.

While i have every sympathy for the struggles of mothers - You are being a bit ridiculous

He makes 500k per year... every choice ever is open to you.

Get a housekeeper in.
Pursue a career ... or dont...
stay at home with a nanny...or without...

You can literally do what you want... you dont seem to know what you want beyond dictating how your dh behaves...

It reads like you have a cleat view on how he is supposed to husband and parent...
He needs to be doing 50% of the nights and doing 50% of cooking dishes and laundry. That's clearly not the man you married...you need to accept that and control what you can control ...ie..yourself

I don’t think you know what you want - so having the money to do anything is a disadvantage - you suddenly have responsibility for a baby. House to clean. Sounds like very little me time.
what about going for some counselling to get some ideas. Teaching would be good but I’m sure it won’t be as enjoyable when you also have a demanding baby each evening and weekend.

You have the money available to let you make choices. Don't feel guilty for making them in your and your family's best interests

The very best thing for your DC would be to stay at home with her until she's 3. There's a host of research about child development and attachment in the first 3 years that points to this being the ideal.

Get a housekeeper to deal with the cooking, cleaning and pairing of socks. Just be her parent

But if you're feeling burnt out by solo parenting, or just feel a desire to work then go back to work part time and get a nanny

If the housekeeper and nanny cost more money than you're earning, so what? What's the point of your DH earning a packet if you're not using it to live how you want

Drip drip drip

No you shouldn’t be happy and deep down you know it. Feminism happened for a reason. It doesn’t sit with your core values by the sounds of it and you needn’t feel guilty or bad about that. I sympathise with you a lot. Re house work, can you pay for a cleaner?

Get a cleaner. Not like you can't afford it.

She has a cleaner