Should I be happy?

[Cnf1]

So, my DH has become very successful in recent years. He makes £500k per annum for the last 5 years and it's on the up. I'm not someone who cares about material things. I drive a 25-year-old yaris and would happily spend the rest of my life living in our 2-bed house which I owned before I met him.
We've had a child in the last two years. I'm a sahm at the moment but planning on getting back to work ASAP, not for the money but for my mental health.
My AIBU is whether I should be unhappy with my current situation.
He works every hour that God sends but as a result, I'm forced into being a parent and housekeeper 24/7. I never wanted this life but have found myself in it. I instinctively feel that he should be doing housework but it feels unfair on him when he's racing home to spend time with our dd before bedtime and then back on his laptop, working. I find myself cooking, cleaning and entertaining our baby round the clock.
I have become the 1950's housewife which is so far from how I was raised and what I ever wanted. Tbh, he was the one who was desperate to have a child, I was on the fence but I'm madly in love with her now.
I want to go back to work ASAP but my meagre salary as a primary school teacher will mean we actually are at a deficit if I do and all the housework will still come down on me as he's permanently working.
He's self-employed and basically in the midst of creating an incredibly lucrative business so there's no chance of him being able to reduce hours.
I think what I'm asking is whether I should be happy pairing his socks, ironing his shirts and cleaning up everything in the house (including his dinner plate) every evening because he has work to do knowing that he is a great provider?

I see a therapist but it's not about that. I suppose I just don't want to feel useless. I graduated with the highest points in my year. I was always a high achiever. I went into teaching because I wanted to pass on the fruits of my education and really didn't care about monetary rewards. I always saw having children as a huge responsibility as in, if you're not willing to do anything and everything to make sure they're not just a narcissistic whim, then you have no business having them. The upshot of which is that I feel the need to put her first in everything. She didn't ask to be born so it's on me to make her life worthwhile. That's why, gojng back to work, knowing that I'm not actually earning anything because it will go directly into the hands of the minder, I feel guilty about putting myself first.

Your finances are joint so that story doesn’t work. Excuse after excuse OP, and it makes no difference to my life, stop making excuses in your own life to avoid being happy. You are a privileged person, stop sulking about it and make some changes.

YANBU. I had a job a bit like your DH's - I wasn't earning 500K, but my boss's boss probably was. She had a young child and employed a full-time nanny, a housekeeper and probably a cleaner too (her partner had a similarly lucrative job).

She worked all hours of the day and barely saw her family. Another manager in my team had a wife who was a SAHM to their 3 kids and barely saw them all in the week.

Honestly, I quit and retrained in a different field with a lower salary and more reasonable hours/workload because that wasn't the lifestyle I wanted.

You have suddenly found yourself with a DH who has a role like that, and it has changed the whole dynamic of your relationship and your family. It's totally different from the life you had together a few years ago and it's reasonable to find that a big change and to think it's not really what you wanted.

Then be a tutor for a few hours a week? Up the cleaners hours, get an ironing lady and enjoy your incredibly privileged life with your child.

I'm definitely not sulking. I know I am very lucky and have taken on the sahm/housekeeper role because I know it's what our family needs now. I just can't bear to think of doing this longterm. I need adult interactions and my brain to be flexed here and there. I really didn't see this coming down the line and weirdly would prefer if it hadn't. Having said that, I'm delighted for my Dh to be so happy and successful in what he loves.

I know right! Poor little rich girl

You don’t have to do it long term, you can go back whenever you want.

Money doesn't buy happiness. I am entirely clad in primark gear daily, I get my hair done once a year , I drive a 25-year-old car and I'm pretty much allergic to labels. I'm not a 'poor little rich girl'. I'm someone who doesn't enjoy being a sahm and cleaner. Is it not acceptable that that doesn't make my happy?

No it’s not unacceptable, it’s not for everyone
I personally detest most house work and couldn’t stand it if I had to spend a good portion of my day doing it
Im definitely not a domestic goddess!

Allergic to labels but spent 3k on a christening outfit?

At my mum's insistence. Not something I'd ever do. Husband behind it 100%. My mum would think nothing of that price tag and my Dh wanted to alleviate guilt I think. Can't even remember name of designer.

You can afford a housekeeper with that sort of income.

Why are you washing dishes? Get a dishwasher. If you already have one, remember you don't need to rinse first. Even my second hand ancient dishwasher cleans brilliantly without rinsing.

Pay someone to load and unload it for you if it'll make you happier. Pay someone to do the laundry and ironing. What is the point in working so hard for all that money and being miserable with household chores.

I'm not saying your husband couldn't do more around the house, but you don't need to do everything yourself when you can afford to outsource tasks.

It's tricky to feel okay with loads of help when your husband is working 18hr days. I know that's totally my issue.

Did you even like it after spending 3k on it and was it something you could wear again

It really isn't

There is no 'should'. Some people would be happy with that life and some would not. What matters is whether you are happy with it.

Sorry but massive yawn.

im a single parent to two kids, I pay and do everything in the house on my own.

im knackered, your rich get help

This is all in your head (maybe also some social constraints). Just because you can afford to be a SAHM doesn’t mean mean you have to. We could afford for me to be a SAHM but after 2 years I was desperate to go back to work, I felt like a piece of me was missing. It made very little financial sense at first but in the long run was a wise move as my DH had a period of being out of work. Don’t feel guilty about wanting to do more, remember you are sending your child a message by doing a job you are passionate about and chose because you wanted to make a difference in other people’s lives. That is powerful and better than having an unhappy mother who feels tied down by childcare and domestic chores

While I’m very sympathetic to the pain in your comment, I don’t understand any of it. You’ve got £500k a YEAR and you’re fucking about fretting about pairing socks and breastfeeding making you sleepy and do I go back to work?
You’re a single mum. He’s having the time of his life and there’ll soon be other women up to speed with his dopamine rush.
Get your kid off the breast, go shopping for new clothes and car, inject some Mojo into your spine and build the kind of life that you want for you and your child. Man can come along for the ride if he wants.

For fuck sake, pay for someone to sort the house and get back to work. You are in an incredibly privileged position and you just want to moan and find fault.

You understand you’re projecting your anxiety onto your child, yes?

Yes!!!

Bit offended you are referring to my perfectly reasonable professional salary as ‘meagre’.

Okay so you’re used to your husband’s obscene salary, but he’s the unusual one you know.

Meagre indeed.

OP, you badly need to start discussing this stuff in therapy. You are literally the only person getting in your way. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t be back at work, PT or FT, as a teacher or literally anything else in the world you can retrain for. You keep talking about ‘shoulds’ and guilt. Stop being so mimsy? Take ownership of your life. Has it occurred to you that your baby might be an anxious character because her mother is miserable — because, like most people, she’s not suited to pairing socks and spending 24/7 with a baby? But you’re not a deskilled single parent who can’t earn enough to cover childcare. The world is your oyster.

The money will come at the cost of your relationship. You must decide if enough compromises can be made.

Get a cleaner and a mother's help.

I'll echo the comments about getting more help in. The way to frame it is, get help with the daily housework in order to be more present with your child. And definitely go back to work if you need to maintain that side of yourself, part of your identity. Though I agree if your previous job can only be full time then seriously consider how to find the part-time equivalent - but don't do yourself down. The family money is there to give you all more choices and more freedom - take it!