Should I be happy?

[Cnf1]

So, my DH has become very successful in recent years. He makes £500k per annum for the last 5 years and it's on the up. I'm not someone who cares about material things. I drive a 25-year-old yaris and would happily spend the rest of my life living in our 2-bed house which I owned before I met him.
We've had a child in the last two years. I'm a sahm at the moment but planning on getting back to work ASAP, not for the money but for my mental health.
My AIBU is whether I should be unhappy with my current situation.
He works every hour that God sends but as a result, I'm forced into being a parent and housekeeper 24/7. I never wanted this life but have found myself in it. I instinctively feel that he should be doing housework but it feels unfair on him when he's racing home to spend time with our dd before bedtime and then back on his laptop, working. I find myself cooking, cleaning and entertaining our baby round the clock.
I have become the 1950's housewife which is so far from how I was raised and what I ever wanted. Tbh, he was the one who was desperate to have a child, I was on the fence but I'm madly in love with her now.
I want to go back to work ASAP but my meagre salary as a primary school teacher will mean we actually are at a deficit if I do and all the housework will still come down on me as he's permanently working.
He's self-employed and basically in the midst of creating an incredibly lucrative business so there's no chance of him being able to reduce hours.
I think what I'm asking is whether I should be happy pairing his socks, ironing his shirts and cleaning up everything in the house (including his dinner plate) every evening because he has work to do knowing that he is a great provider?

Get a cleaner, send the laundry out & ironing out. You can afford it.

It seems that you are completely opposite people where money is concerned.

If your DH is self employed and earns this sort of income then he is clearly driven by income. It's not that he is for example a genius in a scientific field which happens to compensate extremely well

Ar the other end of the scale you don't see money as a priority.

What life did you envisage for yourselves and how has this changed. Was this outcome something that was always clear and you put your thoughts to one side or has DH attitude to money completely changed

He keeps saying, "well let's get our cleaner to come more often" but that won't counteract him eating cream crackers and letting the crumbs fall as he moves throughout the house on work calls.

So you already have a cleaner?

What happens to the crumbs now? Do you follow him around picking up?

You need a mother's help. She would come in every day and be there first thing in the morning. I used to just walk away from the devastation at the end of the day knowing that she would do last night's washing up etc while I cared for the children the following morning. Being able to close the door on chaos because your rest and down time is important is a skill you should learn quickly.

Of course you dh shouldn't be doing anything that leaves you feeling disrespected. In all honesty I think your marriage may fail because there doesn't seem to be time for a bond to be nurtured between you. The best thing you could do for your child is carve out some time each week now, with him, just the two of you. Otherwise you're likely looking at putting your child through a divorce.

Once you have your mother's help you'll find that your child is happy to spend time with her, provided it's not presented to her as something that will mean she can't be with you. My little girl used to scream for our mother's help when she was having a tantrum, just because she had a choice and wanted the other option at that moment. We had a succession of them but it wasn't a problem because their primary bond was of course with me. It is actually lovely to have someone the children are happy to stay with while you and your DH go out or you have some time to yourself.

In our area there is a firm that will come in and take your laundry away twice a week and return it all, making the beds up, ironing done etc. I think you need this service as well.

I think you are an in enviable financial
position but that doesn’t mean that those who are wealthy always have amazing relationships and never separate / divorce.

This is about respect to you and whilst you can accept that due to his really long hours you will be doing more than your fair share of the housework / mental load that does not mean that you should be waiting on him hand and foot and tidying after him .

Something has to give . Do not make the mistake of thinking that it makes sense for you to drop your job as childcare costs may be greater in the short term .

You need to think about the longer term about what will make you happy and it seems like you are someone who enjoys working and the intellectual stimulation you get from this .

The first few years of parenthood are hard and you are in the enviable position of being able to afford to chuck money at it , which can deal with some of the issues .

Things to consider ; are you happy in your job or would you find something else more rewarding / consider retraining / studying for another role ?
If you are happy in your role / vocation - would it help to reduce your hours ? This could be to decrease them with the view that you can build up again when your daughter is older . Primary teaching does allow you the flexibility , but it has to be what works for you ie that you do not end up simply being paid less and working the same hours to get the job done .

Whilst your husband is building up his business is there any help that he can get that he doesn’t already have ? If he isn’t poor at delegating , can he get an assistant who would do more of the lower end work .

Look at others have said at what you can outsource and help you , nanny , childcare , cleaner , gardener etc .

Boundaries in your relationship . For your relationship to thrive , you need some non negotiables - holidays . You can afford luxury holidays , although not all of these will be child friendly - you can also bring in help here or outsource cooking , eg takeaways / lovely food so you keep cooking etc to a minimum if staying in a cottage / apartment . Some hotels / resorts will also have apartments where you can have space as a family but can still eat on site .

I think communication is important here and also that you agree when your DH is able to devote to family time , weekends / part of a weekend , set hours during the week . Due to the nature of his job , this will be less than those who work 9-, 5 but it is important for everyone’s happiness especially your daughter’s that he does prioritise this time . I think if you don’t address it this will cause further resentment on your part and ultimately greater difficulties in the relationship . It is also important that you connect as H& W too and also pay attention to this . This could be putting in date nights , even if only once a month . It could be a bottle of wine and a takeaway but will help you stay connected.
Good luck .