My half-brother has invited my sister to his wedding but not me

[DarkestOfBirds]

My half-brother is getting married later this year. I haven't been invited but my sister has. I am incredibly hurt and feel that not inviting me feels very pointed.
He and I have never had any kind of falling out or any animosity but aren't very close. When my Dad remarried by step-mother wanted a very clear separation between my Dad's old life and family and hers. Dad has often made me feel like the B-Team to his new family. I am the only family member who hasn't been invited (we are a very small family, not lots of cousins etc).
I am trying to brush it off but keep returning to how hurt I feel at being left out.
AIBU?

Wow! What have I just read OP?!? Your dad is far bigger a dickhead than your brother! Your sister invited her father and stepmother to her wedding. Stepmother chose not to go. Your father also didn't go.... To his own daughter's wedding....in order to show solidarity with her. I am shocked that either of you are still speaking to him. That is absolutely unforgivable.

Just checking if there is anything here going on with inheritance? Where did your (and therefore your half brothers too) grandparents’ estate go to? If it went to your dad, with the intention you should someday get something please make sure your dad writes some of his estate to trust for you and your sister. If his wife outlives him despite them maybe now having a joint will then she has the power to change all that!!! I know this from [bitter] experience!

My guess is :
A relationship starting out as an affair is a recipe for a lifetime of insecurity, wondering if they will cheat on you. Getting found out, the gossip especially as she was a teacher at your school, seeing the hurt and anger as she helped destroy a family might of exasperated her mental health problems. His past is a constant reminder that he is a cheat and that he walked away from his family. She can’t let your dad out of her clutches incase history repeats again, she guarded her children from having a close relationship with you and anyone else from his past. You being the one who spoke out of your hurt and anger years ago might of made her use you as a scapegoat to blame for her mental health worsening instead of facing up to her part in destroying your family and your HB was brought up to think bad of you.

People can get a bit weird about weddings where they have no relationship with the couple, barely see them, have never really been involved in their lives but are devastated not to go to the wedding. It might sound harsh but maybe your brother just doesn't see the point in pretending.

You had your mum, sister and extended family as your support growing up, you might not of been able to count on your dad but you still had a loving family. I would concentrate on your blessings and not allow toxic people to make you feel less than.

Agree with this.
The man most likely grew up only hearing toxic things about you. There's no way his mother would have tried to pretend you don't exist on one hand, and then say nice things to him about you on the other.
Maybe she's convinced him that maybe you're not a biological daughter of your dad's if she was spiteful of your reaction or being nasty about your mother.

Unfortunately he is the product of his environment. A toxic nasty mother and a spineless cheating father. It's a pity as you likely would have been a good sister despite the circumstances.

Send the card and book yourself a holiday for that date.

I don’t have my SILs numbers. I see no rrason why I would.

OP I think you neef to woman up. Your brother is trash. He is trash because his mother is trash as is his father. I don’t get why you are going to send a card for somebody openly rejecting you. And if your sister attenda the wedding she is trash too.

Plenty of people who get married don’t have the number of every guest they are inviting.
We invited plenty of relatives to our wedding and had to ask Patehtsvfor numbers and addresses.

ignore the goady poster Op. There are just trying to be provocative for some reason and don’t understand how hurtful blended families can be.

I know - I’ve been there with a spiteful stepmother and a spineless father.

I understand why you’re hurt - sending you big hugs.

I feel so much happier since I cut my uncaring father out of my life. A weight lifted.

Her sister is as desperate to be counted as part of her dad’s second family as the OP, whether she attends or not doesn’t make her trash. It must of been very traumatic for both of them to not only find out their dad was cheating, him leaving the family home, creating another family and then being rejected. They both have hung in there desperate for crumbs from him and have never come to terms with it, neither of them have come to the realisation that they can choose to not accept his crumbs and walk away, to be the ones to choose themselves worthier than how he has allowed them to be sidelined in his life. The

ok. So your half brother has shown you who he is. Listen very carefully to his actions. Of course it hurts, because you have better family values than he does. The best way to deal with this is to accept that he doesn’t value your relationship. Do you want to be invited to a wedding where the person doesn’t want you there.

Also, make note of other peoples’ reactions to your non invite.

Your dad is lucky he doesn’t have me as his daughter, I would’ve put him straight years ago. In fact if I were you I’d send your brother and fiancé a wedding card wishing him all the best and you sincerely hope he doesn’t end up like your dad, to start cheating on her and then reject any children they may have in the future to go on to marry the woman he cheated with.
I would go out in style with flames under my feet whilst I walk away.

Thank you x

I know you said you’re a single parent, but I missed if you had a wedding at all? If so, what went on re invitations etc?

But I think your father hasn’t simply shown you who he is now, he’s already done it in every interaction since you were a teenager, sadly.

I agree. I think it will reinforce the idea that their behaviour is fine.

Sort of ‘hey she sent a card, so it can’t be that big of a deal to her, right?’

I’m so sorry this is happening to you OP - from your posts you sound very calm and reasonable so I can understand why this situation is causing you pain.

I have no real advice other than to consider this as their problem - shitty family dynamics caused by your father and step mother and continued by their son.

Hold your head high, send a card, be polite but distant when you see them all next. Plan something fun to do with your children in the day of the actual wedding. Pull closer the people you actually love and want to spend time with.

The more I read about your dad the more I am appalled

he missed this daughters , your sisters wedding to stay at home with invited 2nd wife who felt ‘poorly’

was he not walking her down the aisle ?

so brother will drive and see dad but not pop in to see you - is that right ?

does he see sister at all ?

Op don’t be an utter fool and go running after him sending a card. He is publicly stating that you aren’t even family to him, humiliating you and you want to send him a card? Have some respect for yourself.
he’s clearly taken a stand so treat him the same. Cordial but pretend he doesn’t exist. He is perfectly happy to do that to you!

Why on earth must op humiliate herself further and send a card? So you reward people who treat you like shit with a card? What message does that send to them? Don’t encourage the poor op to be so desperate!

I'd definitely trust OP's version of the situation over yours.

Anyway, Mumsnet's whole modus operandi is based on an OP telling her (or his) side of every story. We never get to hear the other side of the story so why is this only a problem in this case?

I don’t consider sending a card to be humiliating - I see it as being an adult who is wishing someone well and not being dragged into a game of petty rudeness…

if id recommended she wear a wedding dress and crash the ceremony shrieking insults that would be a different matter…

I think screwing over your sister for a terrible father and family that has consistently treated you poorly does make you trash.

Or at least in need of therapy. I have no idea why they are so desperate for the their half sibling’s recognition.

I'm not sure where the idea my behaviour is 'desperate' is from unless you are just being mean. I'm not hounding my HB for an invitation or spinning up drama in my family. I asked him directly and calmly why he hasn't invited me then left it. Being hurt doesn't make me desperate.

I think @JHound was referring to the actions of your sister in not defending you OP.

Ah ha! Thank you for clarifying for me @Tandora. Sorry @JHound