My half-brother has invited my sister to his wedding but not me

[DarkestOfBirds]

My half-brother is getting married later this year. I haven't been invited but my sister has. I am incredibly hurt and feel that not inviting me feels very pointed.
He and I have never had any kind of falling out or any animosity but aren't very close. When my Dad remarried by step-mother wanted a very clear separation between my Dad's old life and family and hers. Dad has often made me feel like the B-Team to his new family. I am the only family member who hasn't been invited (we are a very small family, not lots of cousins etc).
I am trying to brush it off but keep returning to how hurt I feel at being left out.
AIBU?

You only send a card when you’ve been invited and can’t attend. Sending a card when the groom has effectively told he doesn’t want you there is doormat behaviour that will make them
think they were right to exclude OP.

Why don't you ask why you haven't been invited ?

She has. He replied’ I’m not inviting everyone’. When she then responded it made her feel left out, he didn’t reply.

Just a guess OP but you’ve said you just spent ten years caring for your paternal grandparents and you use the past tense, have they passed away recently? I don’t suppose given your closeness to them that you have received a more favourable inheritance than HB and that this could be coming from jealousy over that (possibly incited by step-mum)?

My Grandma (Dad's Mum) did die recently but the fact that I cared for them has no bearing on the inheritance at all - everything goes to my Dad and his brother's children (my Uncle died tragically 30 years ago).

I don't see my sister as 'trash' at all. Having read lots of responses here the reason that she is invited is possibly just reciprocal as she invited HB to her wedding. I'm not married so haven't had a wedding to invite anyone to. It isn't her fault that my HB is being callous, or that my Dad is caught up in a co-dependent relationship. She has also suffered over the years.

Your dad is a disgusting excuse of a man for going along with his wife’s wishes and trying to erase his previous family. You deserve better than all of them

You seem very accepting and understanding about your dad's awful behaviour towards the children of his first family. You are obviously nice enough not to be bothered about the unfairness around the inheritance and you provided care for your grandparents out of love, but I am appalled that, despite his complete lack of care and support for his own parents, he will be the beneficiary of their will rather than you.

If he follows the precedent that he has set, it is highly likely that your father will leave everything to the children of his second family.

I'm sorry this has happened to you OP. I was also not invited to a sibling's wedding, when the other sister (and her new partner of about five minutes) was invited. I was given the reason of "numbers".

While I've never been close with that sister, we've not had big arguments and I've always been kind, or at least so I thought. Of course, she was entitled to have her wedding exactly how she wanted, but not being invited really reframed that relationship for me.

I sent a card and a thoughtful present to the wedding. I then reduced my level of investment in the relationship to match hers, and as a consequences we're now very low contact - I hadn't really reflected before that most of the effort of maintaining the relationship was on my part.

You are not entitled to be invited to anybody’s wedding, and if you aren’t close.. why the hell would you want to be invited?!

It annoys me to think that when I get married there will be people in my family who become bitter like this when they aren’t invited because I’m not close with them. I want to have the best time imaginable at my wedding, so all my closest friends and family will be there, and nobody that I just consider an acquaintance (unless they’re a partner) is invited because I want to be comfortable and free the entire day/night!

If you were a spiteful person I'd offer to marry you just to invite all of his family and future wife's family and not him.

You can’t change someone’s behaviour, you can only change your own response. Protect yourself - no further calls, don’t discuss with your family and definitely do not send cards, presents etc. Concentrate on yourself and setting clear boundaries as to what you will or will not accept from people, both family and non family.

OP isn't bitter just a bit upset. If you had read all her posts you would know that she and her sister have been treated terribly by their dad and step-mum.

Her dad, step-mum and half brother are all dicks, so she should actually be glad that she isn't going to the wedding.

Admittedly I haven’t read their other posts, just the original one.

But that kind of reinforces my point. Why would you want to be invited to an event by people who are horrible to you/don’t like you? Inclusion for the sake of it is just odd to me.

@TheTurn0fTheScrew thank you. I'm sorry you've been through this too. The really painful thing (as you note) is discovering how someone really feels about you - which in my case with HB is discovering he doesn't care at all or see me as part of his family. Like you I am going to send a card not out of desperation or weakness but out of decency. I don't expect anything back.

@PinkFitzpatrick - sigh. Let me try to explain. I've known since I was a teenager that I was second fiddle to my HBs and my Dad's new wife (my StepMum). What I didn't realise until my HB excluded me by not inviting me to his wedding but inviting my sister was how little he thought of me. This AIBU is about being hurt by that, not bitterness or a sense of entitlement.

Would you send him another text just saying ‘’would it be unreasonable to expect an explanation’’

@Blueskies25 his lack of response to my last message pretty much told me everything - he doesn't want to discuss or explain anything to me. He doesn't care enough. I think if I sent him another message I'd just be giving myself another dose of hurt.

Where is the decency in sending a card for a wedding you’re not invited to?

When you’re not invited to a wedding, you’re not technically aware a wedding is happening or when it’s happening, so there is nothing indecent about not sending a card.

I think on some level you are still the little girl trying to win the approval of your dad’s second family. Drop the rope, block your half brother on everything and start to think of him as a stranger.

Jesus Christ OP, I don’t know why you’re in contact with any of them?

Your father is a filthy cheat who made it clear to you that you were second best to his new family. He didn’t attend your sisters wedding because his bitch of a wife didn’t go, despite being invited. Sounds like he abandoned care of his parents and left it to you because of his wife’s nerves and anxiety issues.

His horrible wife wrecked the home of 2 students in her school by fucking their father and then tried her best to exclude you and your sister from her new stolen family.

Your half brother is an absolute dickhead who for some reason has absolutely no qualms about making it very clear to all the family that you were not deemed ‘good enough’ to attend his stupid wedding.

You sound lovely and you would be doing yourself a service to cut these people out of your life. And for gods sake… don’t send a bloody card!!! Why oh why would you do that? Fuck him, fuck the lot of them, they all sound vile.

This is so sad and I'm very sorry for your hurt.

As many others have already said, your father, his wife and their son are all various shades of shit. They don't deserve another ounce of your time or energy.

Your sister, on the other hand.....why on earth is she is going to a wedding from which you have been so hurtfully excluded? Surely she must know how you feel about not being invited?

Hard agree.

It's no good second guessing the reason for not receiving and invitation. You have to ask your brother. You may not be happy with the response, but you're not happy about things as they stand now. If nothing else, he would realise that you are quite hurt by the omission.

What an awful thing to happen. I would be very upset too, more so than if both of his half sisters had been excluded. Have you told your sister yet? You said you are very close.

RTFT FFS 🙄