My half-brother has invited my sister to his wedding but not me

[DarkestOfBirds]

My half-brother is getting married later this year. I haven't been invited but my sister has. I am incredibly hurt and feel that not inviting me feels very pointed.
He and I have never had any kind of falling out or any animosity but aren't very close. When my Dad remarried by step-mother wanted a very clear separation between my Dad's old life and family and hers. Dad has often made me feel like the B-Team to his new family. I am the only family member who hasn't been invited (we are a very small family, not lots of cousins etc).
I am trying to brush it off but keep returning to how hurt I feel at being left out.
AIBU?

Very insightful. Yes I was more vocal about my feelings re. the cheating.
My sister and I have no idea really how much our half-brother and sister know about the backstory. Step-Mum always v judgemental and disapproving of me and my sister's very physical, messing about relationship with my Dad.
I did ask half-brother directly (that is my style!) - he just said "I'm just not inviting everyone". When I replied explaining how hurtful that was to me and that I felt this was him saying I wasn't part of his family he didn't reply.

I really wish I did because at least then we could talk about it.

Your HB has been brought up with a mum who suffers from mental health problems and a dad who jumps through hoops to pacify her. His upbringing may of been horrific, he hasn’t been brought up to think of you as his sisters. This rejection still stems back to your dad’s weak character that allows you to be the ghost child.

Sympathies from a fellow B-Team family member. My DF has always put DSM and his new family firmly before me and DSis. But this would be a new low where one sister is singled out for exclusion (joint exclusion is sadly the accepted norm for us). I understand why that is so hurtful. In your sister's position I would not attend out of solidarity.

Well done on confronting him. In view of his response I think you have to protect yourself from this toxicity ( not a word I use often or lightly) and discontinue contact. It doesn’t have to be a big flounce, just a total and quiet withdrawal from the lot of them.

Live a happy life without them. They genuinely sound pretty dreadful people.

Edit, I quoted the wrong reply but I’m sure you can work it out.

Your HB has been brought up with a mum who suffers from mental health problems and a dad who jumps through hoops to pacify her. His upbringing may of been horrific

Where did you get all that from?!?!

I’ve read most posts but have you mentioned the bride? Could there be a reason she doesn’t want to invite you?

I think he's behaving appallingly by not inviting you op...it's very hurtful behaviour. Absolutely unnecessary too as there's been no falling out and you get on ok. I think your dad should have tried harder to put his foot down..

Your dad didn’t go to his own daughter’s wedding, the other woman sidelined his family and pretended they don’t exist, and their son is a chip off the old block.

What a bunch of utter spineless, abusive sociopaths.

I don’t understand why you and your sister are still waiting to be thrown a fish, or for them to come around to treating you nicely.

Honestly, I’d be writing to my dad and telling him he’s spineless and you want nothing to do with him, the morally bankrupt woman he shacked up with and their nasty offspring. I’d then not waste one more breath on them. You’ve got your sister and mum. Screw them.

I say this as someone who has told my own parent where to get off when their partner thought she could treat me disrespectfully.

OP said her stepmum suffers from mental health problems and her dad has a codependent relationship with her. To grow up in such a family wouldn’t be pleasant

Is your sister planning on going?

I think this would hurt me the most, if so.

Your Dad is obviously required to go but him inviting your sis is an absolute kick in the bits and her going along with it feels like an additional smite.

But it’s quite a leap to presume her HB had a horrific upbringing and that’s the reason why he didn’t invite her

From what you describe, he just sounds obliviously lacking in thought and etiquette. I reckon he doesn't see you or your sister as close and he only invited her because she invited him to her wedding and that's where his thinking stopped. Maybe it's also part of a modern trend to invite friends over family.

I'd try and shrug it off as just a weirdness rather than a purposeful slight. I know it hurts though.

A little different in terms of the relationships but my cousin didn't invite my mother (her aunt) to her wedding but invited her sister (also her aunt). My cousin apparently thought my aunt was 'representing' all the aunts/ uncles. My mother complained about it for YEARS. My sister and I kept telling her not to take it so personally and that it was just a bit of a social faux pas on my cousin's part.

At least you've told him how you feel. If he's not replied then I wouldn't be bothering with him after that, no card, no making an effort to meet him at your dad's, treat him as he's treated you and keep your self respect.

Have you spoken to your sister about how you feel? I too would feel hurt if she goes but she is probably just as desperate to be counted as family as you are.

The thought of truly stepping off their merry-go-round is something I think about often. It is a relationship that only takes, never gives.
I am very close to my sister - I don't expect her to not go to HB wedding much as his not inviting me has hurt. I don't think it would achieve anything.

After reading about your dad, the lack of wedding invitation from your half-brother is the least of your problems.

I think you should keep your distance. These are bad people.

No I wasn’t blaming his childhood on the reason why he didn’t invite OP but the dad and stepmum are awful so he might be like them.

Just send them a card and a small token gift for the wedding and forget about them, don’t waste your thinking time on people who won’t give you an explanation

It could well be that his mother has poisoned him against you and it is she who doesn’t want you there, is that a possibility?

So sorry to hear this.

which of your dad’s children is expected to do all the extra care of looking after your dad as he ages? That will be quite telling considering he did not go to his daughter’s wedding.

I would send a card to congratulate them and get off that merry go round, it is toxic and you’re only hurting yourself by trying to keep a relationship. Concentrate on those that make the effort and love you.

I think this is awful, your father, step-mother and now half-brother have treated you very badly. I'm shocked your dad didn't go to your sister's wedding, because his affair partner/second wife wanted to pretend you didn't exist.

Perhaps your half-brother invited your sister as he'd been to her wedding, and is being transactional about invites.

You need to step back from your father and half-brother, hard to do I'm sure. You won't be able to engage with them over care for your Dad when he's older, so I think you need to accept that they manage it all, and you visit as and when it suits you.

If I was you I'd hope my sister didn't go, but if she does, try not to let it come between you.

I'd agree that it sounds like he heard a lot of negative things about you growing up or since then and he just doesn't want you there either personally or on behalf of his mother.

You need to free yourself of the need to be included, it doesn't sound like you were when younger and it doesn't look likely now unfortunately. Much easier said than done but try and not let them impact your feelings any more.

They've all made cruel choices and you would be entitled to let any obligations you have to them fade away. Your half brother has made this decision, you can't control or change that but you can now decide that he doesn't get to have you in his life, that's your choice to make.

Your dad and step mother are complete arseholes, as is your half brother. I am sorry you drew the short straw on family members, as you sound like a nice person.

In your sister's shoes I would decline.

I wouldn't send a card or a gift. Why be a doormat?