My half-brother has invited my sister to his wedding but not me

[DarkestOfBirds]

My half-brother is getting married later this year. I haven't been invited but my sister has. I am incredibly hurt and feel that not inviting me feels very pointed.
He and I have never had any kind of falling out or any animosity but aren't very close. When my Dad remarried by step-mother wanted a very clear separation between my Dad's old life and family and hers. Dad has often made me feel like the B-Team to his new family. I am the only family member who hasn't been invited (we are a very small family, not lots of cousins etc).
I am trying to brush it off but keep returning to how hurt I feel at being left out.
AIBU?

I wonder then if your brother is following the family vibe on weddings

and definitely don’t withhold card to make a point - that’s a confusing game - if you want to wish them well send a card. They are separate issues - you don’t have to mimic his behaviour

Yes, pretty much. She wasn't too 'ill' to go. She has anxiety and mental health problems but would have been safe and fine at home on her own. Lots of neither of them going was not wanting to face my Mum or her family (who wouldn't have said anything or been weird or antagonistic). My Dad cheated on my Mum with his now wife my Step-Mum. Very public and painful as she was a science teacher at our (me and my sister) secondary school where she also taught.

I will absolutely be sending a card however hurt I am.

Despite her father not attending her wedding your sister is going to the wedding of his son her half brother who presumably also did not attend her wedding even if you her full sister is not invited. Crikey. Bin them all off.

😮 at the most recent update!!!

No, he did attend her wedding. Just our Dad who didn't show up.

Do you have other half siblings? If so, what is your relationship with them like?
If it was me I'd invite family members I wasn't that close to as it is embarrassing not to unless you've had a falling out. What if someone asks where you are on the day. It's just your brother that will look like an absolute dick.

I would block them all. But I am not you.

Your fathers a dick and your half brothers no better!

seriously f’ them both!

I totally get how hurtful this is. Huge hugs to you.

I don't have any advice but just wanted to say, im really sorry. You sound lovely and it was a shitty thing to do to not invite you, but to invite your sister. Also, I'm sorry to hear about your dad and how he deprioritised you. People can be so awful sometimes. 💐

I agree that your sister may well be invited simply because she invited him to her wedding, otherwise she'd probably be in the same boat as you. I'm really sorry about your dad's attitude.

It's why I feel there is more to him not inviting me - the path of least resistance/easiest option would have been to invite me esp. as he is inviting my sister. It's why the lack of invitation feels so pointy.
To answer you properly - there is another half-sister who I do contact periodically and have bought tickets to see in a show she's performing in.

So your half brother went to your sisters wedding when both his
parents did not. That suggests to me that they are therefore much closer than you think. He defied his mother to attend and may be defying her again by inviting your sister. So there has to be a reason.

OP, I'm so sorry - but this is actually so awful, but also I think you've dodged a bullet here and actually this could be the start of better things for you. Your dad and step mum have been incredibly hurtful to you - your own dad telling you he's prioritising his new family? Your own dad standing by while his new family exclude you from their wedding? Happy to miss his own daughter's wedding because his new wife didn't go through CHOICE, and now happy to let his other daughter stay at home alone, making the opposite choice to attend the wedding without you. He and his family, your DB, have all shown their true colours. When someone tells you who they are, believe them.
They do not deserve to have you in their lives, they sound selfish, cruel and they don't care.
I would not go, I would not send a card, and tbh I'd not want to see people who treated me like that or made me feel like that.
You deserve so much better than them.

That being said, this still fucking sucks and I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Definitely tell your sister you haven't been invited, see if she has your back. Book yourself something lovely to do on the day to distract yourself. Xxx

My god your dad is a worm isn’t he! If that’s the role model your brother has then it’s hardly surprising he’s being a dick!

That’s really shitty behaviour on his part Op - so sorry you’re having to deal with this. As difficult as it is, do your best to be the bigger person. Send a card & then move on with your life. FWIW, your dad sounds like a complete waste of space of a man!

This is so hurtful and bizarre that I would simply have to ask my brother directly why I wasn’t invited. You have nothing to lose. Your father and his wife ( obviously mother to your half brother) have clearly set their sights on eradicating his first family but why invite your sister then? Were you more vocal than your sister at the time of the affair and split? ( not that that would have been wrong or surprising)

Why not be upfront and tell him how upset you are, that you’d have welcomed the chance to feel closer and would at least have liked an explanation.

So your dad didn't attend his own daughter's wedding out of 'solidarity' with your step-mother? That sounds pretty cruel and unfair on his part. Was your sister really upset?

Honestly, I would have pulled back from my dad in those circumstances. Surely he divorced your mum, not his kids.

You sound like a nice person, but your dad, step-mother and half brother do not. Try not to be upset by their shitty behaviour towards you and your sister. You don't deserve that.

Everything stems from your dad allowing you and your sister to be pushed out because of your stepmum’s mental health. He didn’t even attend your sister’s wedding, he should have told her she can’t dictate his relationship with his children right at the start nor make you feel unwanted. When you have a relationship with a someone with children you can’t erase them and if they allow it to happen then it shows they are not worthy of being a parent.
You are feeling the same devastation that you felt when you first got pushed out but it’s not a reflection of you nor are you unloveable, you have a weak, feckless dad who turned his back on you. You deserved so much better, I would stop trying to be accepted into his toxic second family. Fuck them, your sister doesn’t want to rock the boat because she’s desperate to have him in her life no matter how many times she gets rejected but you don’t have to wait on the side lines for crumbs from him. See this as a wake up call, know your own worth and walk away from your dad.

I can see how you might think that but it really wasn't any act of defiance to go to my sister's wedding or to invite her - my Dad didn't go out of cowardice/co-dependency with his wife.

It is terrible that he said that. That’s just appalling.

Really sorry you’re going through this OP

He's a total prick, and I'm sorry he's upset you.

OMG at your update. What a horrible pair your dad and step-mum are. I hope she got sacked from her job as a teacher.

I think that's very hurtful and you are a much nicer person than I. He wouldn't be getting a card from me either for the wedding and any other time I'm afraid for me any future relationship would be over.

Do you really have no idea for why he has possibly done this?