My half-brother has invited my sister to his wedding but not me

[DarkestOfBirds]

My half-brother is getting married later this year. I haven't been invited but my sister has. I am incredibly hurt and feel that not inviting me feels very pointed.
He and I have never had any kind of falling out or any animosity but aren't very close. When my Dad remarried by step-mother wanted a very clear separation between my Dad's old life and family and hers. Dad has often made me feel like the B-Team to his new family. I am the only family member who hasn't been invited (we are a very small family, not lots of cousins etc).
I am trying to brush it off but keep returning to how hurt I feel at being left out.
AIBU?

He's being rude. But at least you now know that you don't have to waste time by trying to have a relationship with him. Good riddance.

These wedding threads are getting more and more crackers!

Sorry this has happened to you OP. Obviously the bride and groom can invite whoever they like but YANBU to be upset.

I wouldn't care if someone I wasn't close to and never saw didn't invite me to their wedding. It's completely understandable.

Wedding planning when your parents have split is normally a nightmare, I wouldn't cause him anymore trouble.

We see each other a couple of times a year (he lives and works in London, I'm a single Mum down in Somerset) - if I know he's going to be down in the West Country I try to go over to my Dad's. We see each other at Christmas - all fine, no awkwardness. I feel sad that there will be now.

Oh, even worse when it's a big wedding. That does sting. I'd still take the moral high ground and send a card, but wouldn't bother with a gift

I agree. It’s not you being left out, OP, he’s just reciprocating her invitation, otherwise he probably wouldn’t have invited her either. You say your father made a sharp distinction between his two families, and your half-brother doesn’t feel you’re family, as a result.

I think I always hoped that as adults we would have a relationship. Obviously as Dad gets older that becomes important - it is Dad's 80th birthday this year.

But it sounds like she wasn't trying to have a relationship with him before this. It is only now the wedding has popped up that she felt the need to connect.

I do think it's sad he hasn't invited her. But it doesn't sound like they have a relationship or are close in anyway. The sister was invited because she invited him to hers, that's totally separate.

If neither party have made any effort to be in each others lives over the years, then a wedding isn't the place to act happy families.

Is there a big age gap? it’s brutal but it does sound like he probably feels that he barely knows you. He probably isn’t expecting this to be so upsetting because he wouldn’t be fussed if it were the other way round.

Do you think he just invited your sister because she invited him to hers? Just transactional.
I totally see how it's hurtful and could understand if more family weren't going or it was very small. I am surprised his fiancée hasn't picked up on the lack of invite and saying you need to be invited.

I hope it isn't that - I am quite a successful company director with equal earning/lifestyle to my sister

OP I think sending a card may be perceived as you being okay with not being there and that there’s nothing to apologise for on his part. He’s made his feelings painfully clear. I wouldn’t send a card.

On the wedding day book yourself in for some pampering, a theatre show, or something else to distract you and have a good memory. Sorry this happened to you x

I really did. There is a complicated backstory here involving my step-mum who has long term mental health problems and really wanted to keep me and my sister away from her family (my Dad, her, new kids). She was invited to my sister's wedding but didn't go, my Dad stayed home with her, missing his daughter's wedding to show solidarity with her. But I really haven't done anything to warrant this from him.

I wouldn't send a card either. Why pretend to be ok with it? You've told him how you feel anyway, so you can decide how to proceed with the relationship. I certainly wouldn't be hurrying over to my dad's next time he visits. I'm sorry, OP. It's undeniably hurtful.

Ah, I've just seen from your update that there are complications. It all sounds quite sad.

Thank you Cara707. I do feel really hurt and have been trying not to take it personally.

His parents haven't split (mine did many years ago hence why we are half not full siblings).

Your DAD stayed home from your sister's wedding?!

These are not good people, @DarkestOfBirds .

I'm sure he's just replicating the invitation too.

Wow. Your dad is a monster.

Ah OK sorry, I couldn't tell if you were older or younger.

Solidarity? She was literally invited and chose not to go. Poor form on her part but also your dad’s (sorry don’t mean to be rude)

Sorry, I think this is shitty. How can the groom seriously invite one half sister and not the other and have a clear conscience. Until I read your dad was 80, I was a bit cross on your behalf at him, he is sitting back and watching his son invite one of his daughters but not the other and letting his wife be ok with it (I assume she is) but I will cut him slack based in his age.

on the other side of the fence, you don’t have a relationship, dad is 80 how old are you OP? If you’re in your late forties or fifties, I’d let it go, if you’re haven’t had a relationship with the step by now, you never will.

tbh, I would be loathe to have one with the step mum too now. I hope her DS is a good carer when she’s old and infirm.

That's ok, I know it all gets a bit complicated (lost in the threads)

Your father didn’t go to his own daughter’s wedding, because his wife didn’t go. Was she ill or something? Otherwise, I’m not too sure one would think much of him for that.

He is not missing his son’s wedding, though. Is that because his wife will go to that?

I don't think you are being rude - my Dad's complicity with all of this has been a source of pain and drama for me since I was a teenager. He told me that "his new family were his priority" which still hurts even as an adult.

So your half brother went to your sisters wedding but not your dad - even more bizarre!