My half-brother has invited my sister to his wedding but not me

[DarkestOfBirds]

My half-brother is getting married later this year. I haven't been invited but my sister has. I am incredibly hurt and feel that not inviting me feels very pointed.
He and I have never had any kind of falling out or any animosity but aren't very close. When my Dad remarried by step-mother wanted a very clear separation between my Dad's old life and family and hers. Dad has often made me feel like the B-Team to his new family. I am the only family member who hasn't been invited (we are a very small family, not lots of cousins etc).
I am trying to brush it off but keep returning to how hurt I feel at being left out.
AIBU?

How often do you see him in person?

Do you call or message each other?

Maybe she HAS said something. YOU’VE said something, and whilst it wasn’t actually a rude or hostile response you received, it wasn’t warm or conciliatory either

If anyone should be feeling uncomfortable here, I think it’s your father.

Are aunts / uncles/ nieces / nephews being invited or is it a very small wedding

I don't think I'd see a wedding as a chance to connect. Really the bride and groom are so busy it's time for a snatched conversation most of the time. If you want to reconnect the time is at more casual occasions, invited round to dinner, or a day out, or down to the pub, where you can sit and chat and discover mutual ground you can connect over.

However if he also sees a wedding as a chance to connect, maybe he feels that your sister made the effort to try and connect by inviting him, and you've never made any effort.

That would be me done. I would block him
on absolutely everything, phone, WhatsApp, Facebook, Instagram, email - EVERYWHERE.

"She got married 5 years ago and invited him and his now fiancé."

Well, doesn't this explain it? To me it's just a reciprocal invite. Yes a bit thoughtless of him OP but I wouldn't take it personally. Unless there's more to it that we don't know about.

Clear quote

Agree..families need to not allow this by colluding with it

given h poster said they ahve exactly the same relationship

Yes, all other immediate family members are invited BUT there really aren't many (my Dad's brother died). No children invited. It isn't a small wedding. HB is a hedgefunder, fiance is a doctor - I really don't think cost/money is the issue (lavish wedding venue).

That makes no sense. So the sister inviting him to her wedding was a way to connect. But him inviting OP to his wedding wouldn’t be a way to connect? 🤯

It’s not OP’s fault she hasn’t got a wedding to invite him to!

You say that you seen this wedding as a chance to connect. Why the wedding? It sort of seems you're saying this as you're feeling upset at missing out on spending time with your family at a fun event, rather than actually being sad at missing seeing your half brother get married. Which maybe deep down shows that it possibly isn't appropriate that you attend, if yous aren't close enough to connect on a normal basis. If I received your message I'd probably be a bit hurt and suspicious that it took a lack of invite to a party to make you raise the fact you wish to connect now after all these years

Wow, he's a massive dick, isn't he?!. You sound lovely and you don't deserve this. I feel hurt on your behalf and if I was your sister I would absolutely say something to my dad and half brother and probably not attend.

I agree that this must have nothing to do with you and have much more to do with your step-mother's wish to keep the two parts of your Dad's family separate. It probably is the case that he's just reciprocating with the invite to your sister.

Also most ppl invite those who invited them, even if they're not overly close. So he invited your sister because she did the same years ago. So it's polite. I doubt it's because he likes her better etc.

Are you poorer than him / your sister? I wonder if he is as scummy as that.

For all you know OP’s sister hasn’t seen him
in 5 years either, yes she’s still invited.

Only because the wedding is a family event, not because I'm a blagger looking for a fun day out. I'm reading into the rejection not the day I'm missing.

@nomas the sister invited him to her wedding 5 years ago, so he has invited her to his. It doesn't sound like OP has made any effort to reach out/"connect" over the years as she is now saying she saw this wedding as her opportunity. Which just isn't the place for that in my opinion.

All very strange to not invite you when money isn’t at issue necessarily.

bizarre you are brother and sister! Wonder if it’s his mum and he had to invite your sister because she’d invited him

Seems like he does have some issue with you then, are you sure you have no idea what it could be?

Or could it be that you have a partner (+1) that he doesn’t want there?

Is he perhaps very snobby and thinks you are not up to the standard of the other people who will be there

Wow. I'd be so hurt! I'd be especially hurt if my sister went too!! Obviously I wouldn't tell people not to go but I would privately be offended if she did..
Definitely no card or gift and no cordial chats anymore. Wtf!

I think this is telling to be honest. You explained how you felt and thought attending the wedding would give you the opportunity to be closer and have a relationship with him. He didn't respond. I suspect that either, he does have an issue with you specifically/doesn't like you for whatever reason or he views his relationship with very very differently to you, and really isn't interested in having one. Sadly, you can't change the situation. It sounds as if your Dad and sister aren't best pleased but they can't do anything about it either. Yes, you could be equally petty by not sending him and his new wife a card and present, which would be understandable. However, I wouldn't lower myself to their level, so I would buy a present/card and send it via your sister. It may not make a shred of difference, but at least no one can say you're petty, and you can hold your head high.

No, I was saying that I personally wouldn't see a wedding as a good chance to connect for the reasons I gave.

However if he agrees with the Op that inviting does show that they want to connect, then maybe he feels the sister has made an effort and the Op hasn't. It would be unfair, as the Op hasn't had a wedding to invite him to, but it could explain why the sister was invited but not the Op.

Two separate statements.

Could it be that he didn't want to invite either of you but as your sister invited them to her wedding they feel they have to?

I accept that families are different but I do find it unusual that it never even occurred to you to invite your half-brother to your wedding.

Weddings are only of interest to the couple who are getting wed.
I think they are operated and expensive.
Plus lots of people split up.now

If money isn't the issue, it does seem rather pointed not to invite you when he has invited your sister even if her invite was only a reciprocal one - He must have guessed you would feel slighted even if he didn't think you would be upset and he did it anyway. Would inviting you mean inviting - you, partner, 8 kids etc - would it push numbers up considerably? If not, he is just a bit mean and tactless. I think your dad should have said something but then I think he should have said something when your step mother tried to keep things separate years ago. If he didn't then, he is unlikely to now.