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Original poster

Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher - Update

1000 replies

SophEll · 01/05/2025 12:30

I have debated whether to post this update but I promised I would in the previous thread (www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5325717-disgusted-by-schools-response-to-complaint-about-pervy-teacher) and I’m someone who keeps their word.

I have had an acknowledgment of my email to the Chair of Governors who assures me they will ensure my previous correspondence with the school will be personally overseen by the Headteacher as opposed to the senior member of staff who replied previously.

The Governor has understandably explained that the school cannot share the details of any internal disciplinary action, but has assured me the head teacher will provide me with a further response in due course, and asked me to provide my contact number. I’ve also confirmed that should it be required, my friend would be happy to provide her account of the evening’s events.

This proves that the school previously dismissing this without investigation was inappropriate, so I must say I’m feeling rather smug right now at this vindication. Given their prompt response, the Governor clearly recognises the reputational impact something like this could have on the school.

Thanks to all those who provided suggestions on how best to proceed (including those who said I should have laughed it off, been flattered etc) - I’ll endeavour to provide a further update once the headteacher concludes their investigation. An impressively prompt response by the Chair - the joys of retirement I guess!

OP posts:
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6
Notellinganyone · 01/05/2025 13:34

SaladSandwichesForTea · 01/05/2025 12:39

Can't see the old post but I think you've been (very politely) fobbed off.

All the Govenor is saying is that you'll have the headteachers name on the correspondence instead of someone elses, not that they will take a different position.

And the subtext from the Govenor is that they will support the headteacher in whatever they decide and that will be the final word on the matter.

You're basically just going to hear the same thing from a more senior person.

Exactly that and it’s the correct response. His role as a teacher is not legally relevant in this case. (I’m a teacher myself and not one who tolerates misogynistic bullshit). If this had happened with the identical comment but not the school connection, there would be nothing you could legally do.

Calmdownpeople · 01/05/2025 13:34

SophEll · 01/05/2025 13:07

Thank you - I’ve always been very persistent, much to DH’s annoyance at times! But he has said credit where credit is due on this occasion.

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🤦‍♀️. Persistence isn’t always a good thing. Honestly I don’t think I have ever seen a post like here the OP believes their own hype the way this has transpired.

ladymalfoy45 · 01/05/2025 13:34

There'll be a couple of hours during the next inset day going over the Teacher Standards.
Attention will be drawn to the fact that our behaviour outside of school could adversely affect the school.
I believe this standard was added after a few newspapers ran stories on how teachers behaved in pubs and bars after we finished for the six week holiday.

HuffleMyPuffle · 01/05/2025 13:37

2024onwardsandup · 01/05/2025 12:34

Can’t a man even harass a women by making a rapey comment about A thought he had about the woman he met on school premises without being called out for it. Worlds gone mad.

It wasn't fucking rapey!

Lilactimes · 01/05/2025 13:38

Kbroughton · 01/05/2025 13:17

It's so sad the low standards that women allow men to get away with. Playing into misogynistic attitudes with abundance, blaming the woman, calling her a Karen etc etc. I think everyone who has commented in this fashion should read 'Women don't owe you Pretty' by Florence Given. OP you are not unhinged or any of the other things levelled at you. You have higher standards and are braver than most of the posters on here. We should be ALWAYS challenging this kind of language and behaviour, never excusing it and I applaud you for doing it. The comments on here show exactly how difficult it is to confront bad behaviour.

Yes we should be challenging it - right there and then, to his face, in the bar with an appropriate sassy put down.

He never renewed his shit chat up line and he left her alone immediately. Repeated pestering would have warranted the action the OP has taken.
But that never happened.

Now the school is wasting time, money, headspace pursuing a very very low priority event.
these types of complaints diminish more serious events - for example if it were done on school property, he kept on pestering her or followed her outside.

ThisOldThang · 01/05/2025 13:39

Nothing can or will be done because there's no actual proof that he said what you say he said.

Teanbiscuits33 · 01/05/2025 13:39

SophEll · 01/05/2025 12:53

I’ve been clear from my opening post of the original thread that it’s about the school’s handling of my complaint. The fact it is now being re-investigated by the headteacher is evidence they badly mis-handled it and I look forward to an apology and confirmation they will have closer oversight of their complaints procedure moving forward.

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It isn’t. It’s about you. I would bet my life that you’re the sort of person who can never, ever be wrong in life. To admit you are wrong would simply be too damaging to your ego. The very fact you point blank refused to listen to any reason on the previous thread, the fact you say you feel smug and vindicated, the meme. It’s you wanting to win and feel powerful. It’s so obvious. You can kid yourself that it’s about the school, or the teacher, or the bloody pope if you like, still doesn’t make it true.

What the teacher did was unprofessional and sleazy, nobody has disputed that, but your email to the school was sufficient. He would have had a talking to watch his conduct in the future plus probably will be the talk of the staff room for a while. You clearly want the guy severely reprimanded with some sort of formal disciplinary over a silly comment. What are you getting out of this? You sound like a bitter, miserable woman who wants to revel in others misery and create drama for your kicks.

I sure to God wouldn’t want you as an associate in any capacity whatsoever. It’s really spiteful and nasty to try and get a man into serious trouble at his job for a stupid drunken remark.

Hoppinggreen · 01/05/2025 13:41

You do sound very pleased with yourself OP and while I am in no way condoning creepy men making comments like this let me tell you what will most likely happen as I am a School Governor
Chair sends a very factual email stating that a complaint has been made
It gets out on the agenda for the next meeting (probably in several months time)
Chair mentions it at the meeting and we all just mumble somthing non commital
Its decided that you will get a letter/email from The Chair thanking you for bringing this to our attention and not much more
That will be that

Of course all of us who know internal processes in school will no doubt be proven wrong when OP provides us with another "update" which completely vindicates her and invites her to a public stoning of this teacher

Honestly, if you had any idea of the shit we have to deal with you would realise that this will hardly register.

saltandvinegarchipsticks · 01/05/2025 13:41

waterrat · 01/05/2025 13:18

He didn't make a letchy comment to an adult - he made a letchy comment about fantasising about school girls/pupils in his own class. In a public place, to a former pupil. The man has no boundaries.

Read again, OP was a parent

HuffleMyPuffle · 01/05/2025 13:42

BonfireToffee · 01/05/2025 12:46

Good on you, OP — he’s a pervy creep and he needs to know women won’t just shut up and put up with his rapey comments.

Not. Rapey.

WigglywagglyWanda · 01/05/2025 13:42

What am I reading in some posts here?

At NO point was this admittedly pervy guy talking about schoolgirls? He talked about the PARENT who he was speaking to.

Fuck me he was certainly inappropriate but as an adult I am not a shrinking violet and would have sent him off with a flee in his ear feeling very sorry he had decided to proposition me.

He is a dick but jesus what's the crack with talking about schoolgirls?

dogcatkitten · 01/05/2025 13:42

He was on a night out (and a bit drunk), you were on a night out too, he fancied you and made a pretty crude comment. He just happens to be a teacher, not even one of your children's teacher's, give the guy a break. Do teachers have to be on their best behaviour all of the time, even on their own time and when out with friends? Are they expected to be teetotal? No wonder there is a shortage of teachers if expectations are this high. I assumed that at the very least he was leering at you at parent's evening.

Leafy74 · 01/05/2025 13:42

waterrat · 01/05/2025 13:17

What he said was GROTESQUE - I cannot believe the comments here!! and defending him and in the prrevious thread!!

this is a man working dailiy with teenage girls - saying he was fantasising about sex with a pupil at a past time - its' not funny, it's fucked up =- he didn't say it privately he said it to a FORMER PUPIL about herself.

if you are a man who fantasises about school girls - don't work with them.

If anyone here doubts the real risk here - just google 'teacher arrested child abuse images' and see how often this happens.

People like you are a danger to teachers.

You have heard an allegation then just made up a whole fictional story that would cause massive damage to a man's career and life. By the time it was proved the allegations were utter bollocks an innocent man's name would have been dragged through the mud. And I don't care what any body says, in the eyes of many - mud sticks.

Go back and read the initial post again then come back and post an apology.

CaptainMyCaptain · 01/05/2025 13:42

SophEll · 01/05/2025 12:42

That’s good to hear. There was a few responses from teachers on the previous thread and the collective view was unanimous - the teachers conduct was unacceptable and the school should be taking it very seriously as opposed to fobbing off a complainant.

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No. There were people I know to be teachers saying you were being ridiculous to expecti t to be taken any further. I'm a retired teacher.

You have been politely fobbed off by the governors.

HuffleMyPuffle · 01/05/2025 13:42

5128gap · 01/05/2025 12:46

Pleased to hear this OP. I must admit I was surprised at the dismissive attitude you recieved initially. This man himself brought his job into it with his specific reference to sering you in an inappropriate way when meeting you in his professional capacity, so it would be difficult to argue this was nothing to do with his employment. A mother has the right to attend her child's parents evening without being sexualised by her child's teacher and then regaled with his fantasies about her. This man removed your right and potentially caused you to feel discomfort at school events. It's absolutely something the school needs to address.

She's not a current parent!

IdaGlossop · 01/05/2025 13:42

SophEll · 01/05/2025 12:53

I’ve been clear from my opening post of the original thread that it’s about the school’s handling of my complaint. The fact it is now being re-investigated by the headteacher is evidence they badly mis-handled it and I look forward to an apology and confirmation they will have closer oversight of their complaints procedure moving forward.

Show quote history

You are not reading this correctly, OP. Yesterday I outlined how I would respond to your letter as a former Chair of Governors. The chair has done exactly what I said she would do: thank you and refer to the head. What you are not seeing is that the school saw from the beginning that you had the potential to become a malicious complainant. If you receive the reply from the head I and others on here expect (we have investigated, can't tell you what action we may have taken to protect privacy of teacher) and are still not satisfied, then school has evidence, including for Ofsted, that they responded appropriately.

Exasperated24 · 01/05/2025 13:43

waterrat · 01/05/2025 13:17

What he said was GROTESQUE - I cannot believe the comments here!! and defending him and in the prrevious thread!!

this is a man working dailiy with teenage girls - saying he was fantasising about sex with a pupil at a past time - its' not funny, it's fucked up =- he didn't say it privately he said it to a FORMER PUPIL about herself.

if you are a man who fantasises about school girls - don't work with them.

If anyone here doubts the real risk here - just google 'teacher arrested child abuse images' and see how often this happens.

What the fuck are you on about?!

HuffleMyPuffle · 01/05/2025 13:43

Barrenfieldoffucks · 01/05/2025 12:47

Indeed. Bringing my employer into disrepute was always the done thing in all my previous jobs.

If he had just tried to pick her up, or even been overly sexual that would be one thing. But directly referencing their professional encounters is totally different. Bending her over the desk at parents evening?! How can anyone possibly defend that?!

Edited
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He didn't say he wanted to bend her over AT parents evening

Neveragain35 · 01/05/2025 13:43

You are absolutely right to pursue it, well done- I can’t believe some of the comments on here. He made the comment to her AS A PARENT- do people not get that?!

I’m a teacher and a male colleague once turned up absolutely wasted to a department night out and proceeded to make very loud inappropriate comments. It made a lot of people very uncomfortable and he was reported to SLT. They took it very seriously, conduct in your personal life is part of the teachers’ standards.

Pawse · 01/05/2025 13:44

Phoebepeeby · 01/05/2025 13:03

Can someone explain why people think op is unreasonable? I’ve only read the op of the other thread but surely he did a bad thing and should be investigated? What am I missing, why the sarky comments?

I know!

But you only have to read some of the AIBUs or relationship boards to see how low some women's bars are.

A teacher who used to teach your kids comes up to you in a bar and says he used to fantasise about fucking you over a school desk.

And some women think this is fine and dandy!

OP at least you have given this creep something to reflect on and hopefully another mum or ex-student won't have the same experience from him again.

Vile creature.

5128gap · 01/05/2025 13:45

HuffleMyPuffle · 01/05/2025 13:42

She's not a current parent!

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Other women are.

ArminTamzerian · 01/05/2025 13:45

dairydebris · 01/05/2025 13:07

The only mistake this idiot made was to misjudge you OP. You're not the kind of woman to be swayed by the idea of being bent over a school desk. Others might be.

You're both consenting adults. He was free to proposition you, and you were free to tell him to f off. Which I hope you did.

But this mission of chasing him down and trying to see him punished is spiteful and says a lot more about you than it does about him.

Wow. It always surprises what a low bar some women have for men!

His comments were wildly inappropriate, and for those that don't get it, he referenced the school...as that's where he knew her from, and that he had sexual thoughts about her while at the school, about being in the school.

Doesn't take much time understand why it's relevant to his position at the school, really.

Good job, OP.

Hoppinggreen · 01/05/2025 13:45

Neveragain35 · 01/05/2025 13:43

You are absolutely right to pursue it, well done- I can’t believe some of the comments on here. He made the comment to her AS A PARENT- do people not get that?!

I’m a teacher and a male colleague once turned up absolutely wasted to a department night out and proceeded to make very loud inappropriate comments. It made a lot of people very uncomfortable and he was reported to SLT. They took it very seriously, conduct in your personal life is part of the teachers’ standards.

Department night out is a different thing, its a work event and would be treated as such by HR I imagine

Member869894 · 01/05/2025 13:45

I read the earlier thread and yep you still sound utterly noxious and, tbf, not the brightest. A polite standard response from the governors is not a vindication

CaptainMyCaptain · 01/05/2025 13:45

2024onwardsandup · 01/05/2025 12:34

Can’t a man even harass a women by making a rapey comment about A thought he had about the woman he met on school premises without being called out for it. Worlds gone mad.

It wasn't rapey.

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