Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher - Update

[SophEll]

I have debated whether to post this update but I promised I would in the previous thread (www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5325717-disgusted-by-schools-response-to-complaint-about-pervy-teacher) and I’m someone who keeps their word.

I have had an acknowledgment of my email to the Chair of Governors who assures me they will ensure my previous correspondence with the school will be personally overseen by the Headteacher as opposed to the senior member of staff who replied previously.

The Governor has understandably explained that the school cannot share the details of any internal disciplinary action, but has assured me the head teacher will provide me with a further response in due course, and asked me to provide my contact number. I’ve also confirmed that should it be required, my friend would be happy to provide her account of the evening’s events.

This proves that the school previously dismissing this without investigation was inappropriate, so I must say I’m feeling rather smug right now at this vindication. Given their prompt response, the Governor clearly recognises the reputational impact something like this could have on the school.

Thanks to all those who provided suggestions on how best to proceed (including those who said I should have laughed it off, been flattered etc) - I’ll endeavour to provide a further update once the headteacher concludes their investigation. An impressively prompt response by the Chair - the joys of retirement I guess!

and several of us think that confronting a drunk man and his friend is actually quite difficult and scary, and also highly unlikely to make any impact at all.

The comment was about the parent of a former pupil, not the pupil.

Are you sure? Is it clear that his fantasy included full consent? Doesn't seem so.

I’m sure OP doesn’t wish that - but in my view he should not be teaching and he should be disciplined at the very least.

I don't think you do have thick skin by your campaign

So men have to be really dangerous in order for us to take things forwards? Please, read Women dont owe you pretty and you may change your attitude. 'low key' comments like this play into an overall really dangerous society for women and girls.

DH I feel your pain.

That crossed my mind too, what with the level of vitriol, and the bizarre repeated accusations of smugness.

I was wondering that myself. Is that poster on the same thread😱

Exactly this.

The head is going to roll their eyes, sigh, maybe rub their face, get up from their desk, go find Mr Teacher and conduct an "investigation", which will consist of:

"Mrs Whatsit, Thingy Whatsit's mum, has said you said this in a bar, and she's written to the Governors. I'm not interested in what happened - just be more careful, eh."

They will then call you, tell you they can't tell you anything, but it's dealt with.

All a complete nonsense exercise in getting you to go away.

I hope it makes you feel better - because it's actually meaningless.

So you went to a bar with a friend (female I presume) where alcohol is consumed and where men and women sometimes hook up? And you engaged in conversation with strange men - not your partners -during the course of which someone said something you didn't like. What kind of behaviour is that from a parent? Why are you in a bar talking to strange men? Perhaps you went to that kind of bar to engage in conversation with men you didn't know! Are you fit to parent? Seriously though lighten up. Why are you holding a teacher to account for something perfectly legal in his free time? This is why teachers leave the profession.

And do you really think confronting a drunk man with his friend will help change behaviour? At best he will have instantly forgotten it, at worst he would have got more abusive and dangerous. Its only by escalating things properly, and not allowing behaviour like this to be acceptable , with REAL consequences , that we will ever see change. I would be more than happy for my daughters school to 'waste time and money' explaining to this idiot why he cant behave in that way, rather than, say keep telling her to put her blazer on when its 29 degrees, or calling me to tell me her skirt is too short and she may get attacked outside the school (true story)

What a filthy creep. How inappropriate and humiliating. Someone with so few boundaries shouldn't be around children.
Ignore the incels/bots, no one in their right mind would think it was okay.

There's no indication of a lack of consent. But this thread seems to be all about making things up, for some posters.

He wasn't fantasising about a FORMER PUPIL. He made a misjudged sleazy comment to A GROWN WOMAN in a nightclub. No children or teenagers were involved.

Well no, because that's a different situation and one people have already said would be wrong

Even most of us who think what this man said was awful think OP is going over the top now.
She also seems slightly deluded about what will happen next

I doubt OP had her Vag out at Parents evening so its a VERY different situation.

You sound like a very nasty person. Think through the repercussions of what you're doing here - if word gets out, potentially destroying someone's career, reputation, mental health, getting them hounded on social media - this may have all sorts of repercussions - for the sake of an inappropriate drunk comment. Yes, they were being a dick, but the "punishment" needs to fit the "crime". Telling him to sod off would have been perfectly adequate

No

No he didn't

I don’t even know what my opinion is on this situation. I usually try to be balanced and rational and see it from both sides, but your attitude is making me cringe so hard that I seem to be having difficulty.

Thank you, you helped me form my opinion. I agree with you.

This is very embarrassing for you both…

Which he did NOT do

You are reading this entirely wrong. They essentially have to enact the plan they have told you about because you are unhappy with the outcome of your complaint and it's clear you wish to continue to escalate it. The complaints handling process works similarly across most professions.

You've made it abundantly clear that you think this drunken inappropriate comment should result in this man losing his job and livelihood.

I'd be interested in the reponses if a female teacher said something similar to a Dad when drunk in a club that made it clear she'd fancied him. The lewd way this man expressed it was clearly highly misjudged and something to apologise for - we don't know anything about his character to know if this is an insight into underlying deviant behaviour or an idiotic misjudgement.

I would suggest however that you come across as gloating and quite vindictive in your recent posts and this doesn't paint you in a favourable light.