Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher - Update

[SophEll]

I have debated whether to post this update but I promised I would in the previous thread (www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5325717-disgusted-by-schools-response-to-complaint-about-pervy-teacher) and I’m someone who keeps their word.

I have had an acknowledgment of my email to the Chair of Governors who assures me they will ensure my previous correspondence with the school will be personally overseen by the Headteacher as opposed to the senior member of staff who replied previously.

The Governor has understandably explained that the school cannot share the details of any internal disciplinary action, but has assured me the head teacher will provide me with a further response in due course, and asked me to provide my contact number. I’ve also confirmed that should it be required, my friend would be happy to provide her account of the evening’s events.

This proves that the school previously dismissing this without investigation was inappropriate, so I must say I’m feeling rather smug right now at this vindication. Given their prompt response, the Governor clearly recognises the reputational impact something like this could have on the school.

Thanks to all those who provided suggestions on how best to proceed (including those who said I should have laughed it off, been flattered etc) - I’ll endeavour to provide a further update once the headteacher concludes their investigation. An impressively prompt response by the Chair - the joys of retirement I guess!

So Op, you were told multiple times to raise a formal complaint if you wanted to take this further. After much chat about going to the press you've now done that. 'A governor' - probably either the chair or the clerk - has sent you a standard reply which indicates that they are going to follow stage 1 of their complaints procedure (head to investigate and respond). It's also standard for a senior member of staff to respond to complaints and only if the complainant is unhappy with the outcome will the head and possibly governors get involved. For the school another day in paradise. It certainly does not imply this -

'This proves that the school previously dismissing this without investigation was inappropriate, so I must say I’m feeling rather smug right now at this vindication. Given their prompt response, the Governor clearly recognises the reputational impact something like this could have on the school.'

Thank you. Yes, as a doctor I def watch myself more and am v cautious on social media etc. It comes with the territory as far as I am concerned.

Anyway, even if the governors don’t do anything, I imagine the teacher will be informed if nothing else. And then I guess it’s up to him whether he wants to reflect on his behaviour and see if he wishes to change any elements of how he acts out of school. As a man and as a teacher.

Safeguarding is (rightly) HUGE at schools
Any whiff of inappropriate behaviour has Teachrs running for their Union reps these days.
I actually think @MNHQ should delete this whole thing now as it seems to be circulating outside the site and could have repercussions for the Teacher involved and OP - even if she thinks she would welcome them

To be clear, since some posters can't grasp it. There would be a very different reaction if:.

The setting was not an adult environment where adults might be a little more "open"

The comment had been made at parents evening

The OP was a current school mum

The OP had been the student he'd previously taught

The teacher actively continued to harass and bother the OP - following her as she left, calling her names, continuing to try and hit on her, messaging her on Social media afterwards, trying to intimidate her, cornering her...

But according to some people with only a vague grasp of comprehension all of those things are true anyway
Its why things like this are dangerous and an Teacher with half a brain would refus to discuss this without their Union Rep present

Think the horse has bolted on taking it down.

I think HE made it at school matter. He told the OP that when he saw her at parents evening he wanted to bend her over the desk. In saying this he in effect told her that while she thought she was having a professional conversation about her child, he was sexually objectifying her. A teacher behaving inappropriately in his own time (unless very serious) is not a school matter. The school matter is that a member of their staff is going round saying that at parents evening he's imagining having sex with a parent. Seriously, who wants to be sitting discussing their child's progress with a man who thinks it's OK to share that?

it would be very different if the OP had a child at the school but she is NOT a parent at the school any more and hasnt been for several years. She will never be in a position again when she’s discussing her child’s progress with him.

Yes. He related it to school when her child was a pupil there. He needed to leave that bit out when he was being creepy. He needs to remember that next time he wants to be sleazy.

Yup. This thread is a perfect example of mob mentality.

I might be misreading. But I think there has been far more support for the ‘poor man’ and the ‘mob mentality’ has been directed at the OP who has been accused of all sorts? Do you read it differently?

I think it’s important remember that you can disagree with the OP’s attitude and behaviour but also be disgusted by this man’s behaviour. They are not mutually exclusive.

This all reminds me of a (female) teacher I knew who once remarked “the kids are mostly fine. For teachers today it tends to be the parents who are fucking nightmares.”

Think you gloss over the parts where he's been made out to be a rapist and a peado by people jumping on without reading

Which is what most posters have done...

I hope he's in a union.

Anyone, if this gets part 3 someone tag me in 🤣

And me... This is mental.

Agree - when someone is more about winning/righting being slighted than anything else there is an issue.

The OPs desire for the above could ruin a man’s life - she says she wants an outcome but I have been here since the beginning and what she wants is to win and nothing about him. She isn’t about the comment or making sure he doesn’t do it again she is about winning.

Everything you say can be misconstrued if someone has a mind to do so, so good luck with being ultra careful, even when you're in a nightclub.

'Miss Bloggs waved a cucumber at me when she was in Sainsbury's. She has never liked my child or me, and it was clear that she was waving the cucumber in such a manner that she was, in effect, telling me that she would like to shove it up my arse. She then said Hello and that she had often thought about me when I was a parent at the school.

I've made a complaint and I won't be letting it go. Believe me. My friend also saw her do this and she will be a witness.'

Anyway, hopefully this thread will bite the OP firmly on her arse. Fingers crossed!

Well who knows what will happen with internal process, OP will get a follow up saying it's been dealt with and will be happy with that.

Teacher will have been either spoken to verbally, formally or informally, and maybe that's enough to make him think about making comments in future. Do I think the situation merited that? No.

But OP feels yes and that's up to her. Where it gets messy is the little childish "feeling smug" stupid little memes and comments, when really she had no further action to report, only that someone more senior would be contacting her.

Its also brought it home to me that I'm so glad I taught my now grown up daughters with their own daughters how to protect themselves. When to escalate things if they feel uncomfortable and when to stand up for themselves and be strong women. Equal in every way to men.

Yes I have seen a few comments like that. But I was querying the ‘mob’. Which implies large numbers of dissenters. The ‘mob’ seems to be targeting the OP from what I can see.

The money mentality kicks in with those posters because they aren't reading, just making conclusions because of their own prejudices

It's not mob mentality for majority to disagree whilst reading the facts

Hmmmm

Well you appear to be lumping women together like a homogeneous mass with your comment to me "women like me'.

I find that worrying as you say you're a doctor, none of us are "perfect' eh?