Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher - Update

[SophEll]

I have debated whether to post this update but I promised I would in the previous thread (www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5325717-disgusted-by-schools-response-to-complaint-about-pervy-teacher) and I’m someone who keeps their word.

I have had an acknowledgment of my email to the Chair of Governors who assures me they will ensure my previous correspondence with the school will be personally overseen by the Headteacher as opposed to the senior member of staff who replied previously.

The Governor has understandably explained that the school cannot share the details of any internal disciplinary action, but has assured me the head teacher will provide me with a further response in due course, and asked me to provide my contact number. I’ve also confirmed that should it be required, my friend would be happy to provide her account of the evening’s events.

This proves that the school previously dismissing this without investigation was inappropriate, so I must say I’m feeling rather smug right now at this vindication. Given their prompt response, the Governor clearly recognises the reputational impact something like this could have on the school.

Thanks to all those who provided suggestions on how best to proceed (including those who said I should have laughed it off, been flattered etc) - I’ll endeavour to provide a further update once the headteacher concludes their investigation. An impressively prompt response by the Chair - the joys of retirement I guess!

Why shouldn't a woman feel like she's won against a man who was quite happy to cast her in the role of sex object and force her to be the audience to his fantasy about her? A women who had no choice but to be in his sights because of his professional role? This is disgraceful male behaviour and it has to stop. Every time a woman causes problems for a man like this, it's absolutely a win. A win on an individual level but also on a wider one because each win will hopefully deter other word be sexist halfwits. Brava OP.

Its not evidence of anything until you hear the end result.

Given their prompt response, the Governor clearly recognises the reputational impact something like this could have on the school.

Nah. They're placating you. I've worked in many schools. They won't care about this. Not a current student. Not a minor (you). In the teachers own time. In an adult environment.

They'll soft soap you to get you to go away.

You hype it up in your own mind as much as you want, and yes, the bloke was sleezy. But it's nothing to do with the school.

I do wonder why you want this much attention.

It's the equivalent of being passed on to the manager to be told exactly the same as what the member of staff has just told you

Because it isn’t about winning against him - it is becuase she feels the school slighted her in their response and that is what this is all about

she admits it herself that the actual event isn’t what it is about anymore

Can someone explain why people think op is unreasonable? I’ve only read the op of the other thread but surely he did a bad thing and should be investigated? What am I missing, why the sarky comments?

Baffling that so many people seem to think this was ok. He was clearly bringing the achool into diisrepute, describeing it as somewhere where people would get perved over and that that was a good thing. What a dick. Very well done OP

I think this meme is very accurate and I can imagine the OP and her husband looking exactly like this - which is not a good look.

Whether the OP wants to argue that it’s the school complaints system at fault or not - I and presumably 90% of us see it as going after a teacher who made a drunken and inappropriate comment to a parent he remembered from a past parent meeting. If he’d not been drunk and all filters and inhibitions lifted, he’d not have said it.

Now the Governors have to be seen to follow procedure and sent a holding reply. Nothing to do a smug face about

Oh and just to add the OP will not 'ruin his career'. She has no authority to do that. All she has done is make the relevant people aware of the facts of an incident. It will then be entirely up to this man's employers whether they feel its serious enough to end his career, a decision that will depend on their policies and opinion of the severity of the behaviour. Accusations of 'ruining careers' are highly inappropriate to be levelled at people simply reporting facts about others and basically emotional blackmail to keep people silent.

Thank you - I’ve always been very persistent, much to DH’s annoyance at times! But he has said credit where credit is due on this occasion.

The only mistake this idiot made was to misjudge you OP. You're not the kind of woman to be swayed by the idea of being bent over a school desk. Others might be.

You're both consenting adults. He was free to proposition you, and you were free to tell him to f off. Which I hope you did.

But this mission of chasing him down and trying to see him punished is spiteful and says a lot more about you than it does about him.

They won't be judging you because you were approached by a sleazy guy, they'll be judging you because you are wasting their time and energy on something that has nothing to do with his employment there.

And "thick skin" is not a phrase to describe yourself if you can't even cope with 1 sleazy comment with no further push, without the massive hoo-ha!

I read both threads and her smugness is directly at posters who called her names and said the school should not and will not investigate kr do anything. Her smugness is not against the teacher.

@SophEll was right to report it, he crossed the line and I am surprised many women are defending his behaviour here. It’s one thing to make sleazy remarks to random women which is already inappropriate but to link it back to women you met while teaching their kids in school is ridiculously inappropriate and unacceptable.

That’s like a Gynecologist seeing a patient at a bar and drunkenly saying how he wanted to f**k her privates while he was checking her up at the hospital during her smear or whatever treatment. We can all agree that’s unacceptable.

Professions like teachers, doctors etc have higher standards and codes of professional conduct for a reason, if he cannot handle his drinking he should either stop drinking himself to stupor or quit and change careers to one with less stringent standards to uphold.

I don’t think he needs to be fired (assuming this is not a regular occurrence but who knows) but he should be spoken to and it should addressed by the school to ensure he stops such behaviour.

What next, will we say it is fine if he sees an ex student who is now of legal age and he tells her how he always wanted to bend her over and f**k her in class? Wouldn’t be accepting because she is now older? NO.

She's right there too. Institutions who protect men behaving this way are culpable too.

I’m not sure what there is to feel smug about OP. The email explicitly states that nothing can be shared with you regarding any action taken. I would expect that the action take would be this: Steve, for God’s sake don’t make letchy comments to parents if you encounter them in public.

The person has replied promptly because s/he knows that it’ll placate you. Not because it’s an important issue.

The guy has made a risqué and rather stupid comment to an adult woman in a public place. There isn’t a crime, there isn’t even misconduct. Just stupidity, which will be tackled with “don’t be stupid”.

She is wasting the school's time and money which should be going towards educating children, because she feels slighted by the response of a school which she has no connection with about an incident she doesn't even care about?

Lot of mra/incels on here these days...threads like this are catnip to the wee saps... 😄

I would expect that the action take would be this: Steve, for God’s sake don’t make letchy comments to parents if you encounter them in public.

So... a warning against inappropriate behaviour, in other words. Sounds like a good result to me.

Your grasp on reality is questionable (for want of a better word).

I cannot see how that response is anything difference. It's just a more polietly worded PFO that the first response.

It's like when someone asks a retail worker - can you check in the stock room if you have that in size 10, there's none of the rail.

The first person you asks said no because they know there's none.

The second person you ask says let me check even though they know there's none left. They just want to appear helpful and polite.

The result is the same - out of stock.

You have gotten the same result. You are just failing to recognise it.

So you’ve put a complaint in to a school that your kids no longer go to about a teacher who propositioned you whilst not even during school hours/ on school grounds, why couldn’t you just tell him to sod off and leave it at that?

@SophEll you’ve done the right thing sort the school handle it and move on. There is no point engaging with the craziness in this thread anymore.

What he said was GROTESQUE - I cannot believe the comments here!! and defending him and in the prrevious thread!!

this is a man working dailiy with teenage girls - saying he was fantasising about sex with a pupil at a past time - its' not funny, it's fucked up =- he didn't say it privately he said it to a FORMER PUPIL about herself.

if you are a man who fantasises about school girls - don't work with them.

If anyone here doubts the real risk here - just google 'teacher arrested child abuse images' and see how often this happens.

It's so sad the low standards that women allow men to get away with. Playing into misogynistic attitudes with abundance, blaming the woman, calling her a Karen etc etc. I think everyone who has commented in this fashion should read 'Women don't owe you Pretty' by Florence Given. OP you are not unhinged or any of the other things levelled at you. You have higher standards and are braver than most of the posters on here. We should be ALWAYS challenging this kind of language and behaviour, never excusing it and I applaud you for doing it. The comments on here show exactly how difficult it is to confront bad behaviour.

He didn't make a letchy comment to an adult - he made a letchy comment about fantasising about school girls/pupils in his own class. In a public place, to a former pupil. The man has no boundaries.

Saying people are MRAs or incels just because they don’t agree with you is nonsensical.