Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher - Update

[SophEll]

I have debated whether to post this update but I promised I would in the previous thread (www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5325717-disgusted-by-schools-response-to-complaint-about-pervy-teacher) and I’m someone who keeps their word.

I have had an acknowledgment of my email to the Chair of Governors who assures me they will ensure my previous correspondence with the school will be personally overseen by the Headteacher as opposed to the senior member of staff who replied previously.

The Governor has understandably explained that the school cannot share the details of any internal disciplinary action, but has assured me the head teacher will provide me with a further response in due course, and asked me to provide my contact number. I’ve also confirmed that should it be required, my friend would be happy to provide her account of the evening’s events.

This proves that the school previously dismissing this without investigation was inappropriate, so I must say I’m feeling rather smug right now at this vindication. Given their prompt response, the Governor clearly recognises the reputational impact something like this could have on the school.

Thanks to all those who provided suggestions on how best to proceed (including those who said I should have laughed it off, been flattered etc) - I’ll endeavour to provide a further update once the headteacher concludes their investigation. An impressively prompt response by the Chair - the joys of retirement I guess!

No.

In the original post her DH told her to leave it.

I do agree to a certain extent that whatever happens to him is down to the SLT, governors and LEA, who will have a rep present at any hearings. The point I and others have made is that taking a fleeting incident that occurred in his private life and making it a school matter is OTT. But it's very obvious from OP's gleeful comments that she's going to milk this to the bitter end.

MN really does need a sarcasm emoji

Brilliant news! Let's hope the OP has read your post and it's taken the shine of her cornflakes.

Teachers cannot allow this to happen because if they do, it will have consequences for all of them because there are a lot of nasty, vindictive no hopers out there who would all jump on this bandwaggon.

I hope if this silliness goes ahead, the union gets behind the teacher and sues the backside of the OP. If it comes to a court case, I'm pretty sure that Mumsnet will have to hand over her details.

Every teacher on here should bring this thread to their union rep today. If not, it could be you tomorrow.

Apologies, you are of course 100% correct on both points!! 😉

And they are saying that women should be dealing with it and telling drunk creepy men to F off. Not understanding that not everyone can do this. My 17y daughter would be way too nervous to do that.

All these references to the ‘poor man’.

Describing his vile comment as just ‘flirting’.

And teachers blindly sticking up for each other.

Why don’t teachers want their colleague to be made aware and for him to be more careful in future so he doesn’t encounter these situations again?? A quiet word to him from a senior protects him in the future. Can’t they see that?

What a read this thread has been. The majority support the sexist creep more than the woman. What’s the point of me instilling decent values into my son and daughter when other parents are perpetuating the disgusting trope of ‘men will be men’ to their children? Depressing as hell.

Every teacher on here should bring this thread to their union rep today

😂 Silliest comment so far.

Were he found not guilty of misconduct by the school and did decide to sue OP for defamation because of being branded a rapist and paeodophile on these threads (he wouldn't need MN to hand over her details, he already knows who she is!), it would certainly be an interesting test case about where the boundary lies between a teacher's right to a private life and having to maintain professional standards. It feels too blurred.

V few people have said he should lose his job over this. Most people who oppose his behaviour, like me, think a quiet word from a member of the SLT would be appropriate here.

This could actually potentially protect his career in the long-term. It’s very short-sighted of so many, including teachers, not to see this.

Because there's no such thing as 'a quiet word' in schools these days. Every little thing has to be documented and actioned and it will go on his professional record. That's why the teachers and spouses of teachers like me are sticking up for him. It was an awful comment and someone should have a quiet word but that's not how schools work.

@NotFlown Could not agree more.

I'm a teacher in a relatively small area and understand it as part of my job to watch what I say and do outside of school. E.g. watching what I say when socialising in public with other teachers; taking care with alcohol on nights out/parties; making sure nothing I say could be misconstrued. It's part and parcel if the profession imo.

Why are so many people wanting to defend this inappropriate, offensive, upsetting behaviour? Internalised misogyny really does run deep. No one should have to put up with that. Of course he won't lose his job but he should certainly get a warning.

You may well be right but thats not how it works these days. I would imagine The Teacher would want his Union rep involved and it would escalate from there.

No the only crap on here is people labeling him a sexual predator based on one bad attempt at a chat up line. Going off that theory every man is a sexual predator, even our own other halves who clearly groomed up with their rapey behaviour when they met us.

The only danger to women here is women. Women who over react and call for blood and minimise the seriousness of actual rape and harassment.

Where is the line for teachers though? Appalling sexual comments aside, which clearly you wouldn't make, you can't seriously police yourself every second you are out socialising? Or when you go to the supermarket, the dentist, clothes shopping? Teachers cannot be expected to be teachers 100% of the time. You all give enough of your lives over to the profession as it is!

That’s a shame. I am a fan of dealing with stuff ‘informally’ and nipping it in the bud. I had a not dissimilar situation with a resident doctor a few years ago. I spoke to him, and he was contrite and mortified. It never happened again. No talk of losing a job, no lawyers, no unions. Perhaps teaching works differently.

That’s a real shame.

It really does because it involves children. Safeguarding them is at the heart of every process and procedure.

I am sorry your partner chatted you up with ‘rapey behaviour’. My experience with my husband was much lovelier.

The right to escalate a complaint is really important though, and people should not be expected to take responsibility for the consequences of telling the truth about another person's behaviour. Or worse, as in this thread, shamed, threatened and called names for doing so. Its precisely the sort of bullying behaviour we've seen on here they makes people um and ah about reporting serious issues. The message that you could be wrong, you could be overreacting and if you are it will be all your fault if the person is treated unfairly. The response to a complaint is entirely the responsibility of the complaint handler. If the complainant has been completely truthful in their account they have done nothing wrong.

Because OP's action are harassment and some of them are bordering on stalking?

Because OP has made some veiled threat if she doesn't get her way?

Because OP would actually be doing something illegal and harmful?

Because he didn't make any comment as bad as you are making out and did not then pursue or further harass OP?

Yes, safeguarding is huge in the NHS. Esp in mental health services. But we would still be able to deal with an incident at this relatively low level, on a local basis.

Agree with you 100%… IF it's a school matter. Then of course people should have the right to complain and escalate it.

I will argue til my last breath that – appalling though his comment was – it's not a school matter and I do think OP has overreacted.

He didn't but a minority on here are having this strange idea that any form of conversation without prior consent that may have any hint of a sexual or indicate attraction is a rapey fantasy and sexual harassment. The same people that think being bent over is a graphic anal rape fantasy.

But we’re not talking about a 17 year old telling the man to sod off - the OP is presumably significantly older than that and with much more life experience. I assume that at 17 your daughter wouldn’t have been drunk in a bar at night. But whilst I understand thst people are different, I really don’t find a comment like the teacher made offensive - it’s something everyone I know would laugh off. It would be different if he was persistent, or any physical co tact was involved, but it wasn’t in this case

I don’t see this as teachers sticking up for each other at all. I suspect that many of the people who are expressing concern about how the OP has dealt with this are not teachers, just people who don’t like to see unnecessary witch hunts. I’ve seen very few people on this thread or the previous one who have said that they think the man’s comment was acceptable - the vast majority of people have said that it was wrong but they are concerned about the OP’s vast over reaction. The man was in a bar in his own time, was drunk, made one comment to the OP, and walked off. He didn’t continue to make comments or harass her. The OP chose to make a mountain out of a molehill and to be incredibly smug in her posts, even using goady memes. The only thing I find depressing about this thread is the OP’s attitude, and the reaction of some other posters who actually think she’s correct in trying to destroy this man’s career. For what it’s worth, I’m not a teacher, but have worked in education for many years.

You're coming across quite naive now

For a start - complaining about something that wasn't worthy of complaint at the start is solely on the original complainant. Continuing to pursue the matter when told that it wasn't worthy of complaint is solely on the complainant. Therefore any consequences of this are on the complainant.

But beyond that, it's absolutely not "entirely on the handler" because even if the complaint is a lie or is true but dismissed as unimportant, the rumour mill will exaggerate and do its work. As this thread has shown. A man making a sleazy comment to an adult he has only known as an adult who summarily is called out for it and then does NOTHING ELSE has become a rapist, unsafe to be around children, a pedophile who imagines schoolgirls bent over, a pervert who fantasies about school mums all day instead of teaching
..