Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher - Update

[SophEll]

I have debated whether to post this update but I promised I would in the previous thread (www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5325717-disgusted-by-schools-response-to-complaint-about-pervy-teacher) and I’m someone who keeps their word.

I have had an acknowledgment of my email to the Chair of Governors who assures me they will ensure my previous correspondence with the school will be personally overseen by the Headteacher as opposed to the senior member of staff who replied previously.

The Governor has understandably explained that the school cannot share the details of any internal disciplinary action, but has assured me the head teacher will provide me with a further response in due course, and asked me to provide my contact number. I’ve also confirmed that should it be required, my friend would be happy to provide her account of the evening’s events.

This proves that the school previously dismissing this without investigation was inappropriate, so I must say I’m feeling rather smug right now at this vindication. Given their prompt response, the Governor clearly recognises the reputational impact something like this could have on the school.

Thanks to all those who provided suggestions on how best to proceed (including those who said I should have laughed it off, been flattered etc) - I’ll endeavour to provide a further update once the headteacher concludes their investigation. An impressively prompt response by the Chair - the joys of retirement I guess!

Well this one is nearly full

So I await part 3 with baited breath

Reading these threads there's a few things that spring to mind.
To the posters who said that she should have told him to shut up or that it was inappropriate or throw a drink over him. People react in different ways to being shocked and embarrassed. Many people don't have a reply ready because they weren't expecting it and being uncomfortable with what is happening, will be silent or walk away. It's only later that they process how they feel about what has happened to them. Plus I don't think throwing a drink over someone, which is assault, would improve the situation and certainly would lose the moral high ground!

Ultimately it isn't for us to judge what she should have done and we don't actually know because the OP hasn't told us. Not should she have to. It's not about if we think she's right or wrong to be offended or to ask the school to look into it.

It's about whether they made the right decision to say that they weren't interested in knowing about it, as it took place out of school hours. The senior staff member who read her complaint was ignoring that the teacher identified himself to her, referenced a time when he was acting as a professional and represented the school and then gave her what his thoughts were regarding said interaction. I suspect what has incensed the OP was that they said that they wouldn't respond to any further communication.

Nowhere has the OP said that she wants the teacher to lose his job. I this case, her child no longer attends the school and I'm surprised so many people have said that she should not have raised an issue, had they still been at the school. Why? Should we not be able to raise a concern? Should our children be subjected to ill treatment if a parent makes a complaint? Is that the sort of establishments we want our kids to attend, where the status quo remains because we are too afraid to say anything?

Lastly a complaints process is there for a reason. It should be fair for both parties and able to protect teachers from unreasonable complaints, as well as enforce standards where there's grounds for upholding a complaint. It doesn't automatically mean the teacher will lose his job. Nor become a frustrated wife beater or anything else previously suggested by other posters!

I see the OP as proud that she's not been fobbed off and glad that she is finally getting her complaint taken seriously and investigated, rather than being "smug". Having the conviction and determination to see something you deem to be wrong, to be looked at by the relevant authorities isn't something to be critical of. Nor does it have any bearing on if the OP does or doesn't work full time, have a busy life or something better to do. Some people have an innate sense of right and wrong and we need people in society who stand up for what they believe to be the right thing to do.

The OP hasn't spread it as gossip, posted it on social media or otherwise tried to shame the teacher or taken the law into her own hands. She's gone through official channels, which is what a normal person who has serious reservations about the way she's been treated should do.

No I won't. Afterall ...if the shoe fits...

Hundreds of posts later. First response nails it.

They're rolling their eyes. Now headteacher has to spend his time spinning some waffle so that you give up your vendetta.

Of course, they won't be able to share the outcome, but be rest assured they just want to get shot of you.

You made it very clear on your initial post on the first thread you want him fired. You don't think he should be allowed to work with children.

You then denied it.

You said you want the school to follow their complaints procedure.
They did. But you didn't like that fact that it wasn't a school matter so you've doubled down.

You raised it again with the governors and get a standard placating reply and think you've "won".

You then threaten the school if you don't get the reply you want.

I've read all posts. You are infinitely more despicable in your response than his one, quickly retracted, vile comment.

Just read all of your posts on this thread @SophEll

You're actually really excited about this aren't you?

I'm sure you'll get a bog standard reply to placate you.

I'm sure I read on the first thread - bend you over a desk and on this one - sit on his face.

He was really letting it all out that night wasn't he?

How dare a teacher use a flirty pick up line in a club towards a woman to whom he has zero current connection?! Teachers are human too, you know! They have normal lives and shock horror have sex and naughty thoughts towards adults of the opposite sex day to day in their head!
This reminds me of when my teacher friend told me that he was once sat in a bar with his wife and another couple they knew on a Saturday night. Sat at the bar itself, buying drinks, when a parent of a child in his class comes storming over, demanding to know why he was out in a bar?! “You’re a Reception teacher! You teach 4 & 5yr olds!!!” with a look of pure disgust and disbelief. “I’ll be speaking to the head on Monday morning, this is a disgrace. I don’t want my child taught by a teacher who goes out drinking in bars!” (All whilst failing to grasp the irony of the fact that she herself was in a bar!)

You don't get it do you.

Did your teacher friend who was having a drink in the bar make reference to their school and their status as a teacher while getting drunk and rowdy? Or were they quietly minding their own business?
It makes a big difference.
One is against the code of conduct (of most workplaces actually, not just teaching), and one is not.
Can you tell which is which?

At the very least, this bloke has brought the name of his workplace into disrepute.
And yes, blah blah blah, I also work under a code of conduct, have a registration board, work with vulnerable adults and children, blah blah.
Tbh even if he hadn't mentioned the school, his behaviour would be deplorable, how come that isn't being acknowledged in the thread. Call out the BS, men need to be taught that it isn't welcome.

That poor bloke. His entire career potentially in ruins because of a Karen on a mission for compensation and attention - all because he said the wrong thing whilst trying to pick up a parent he’d always fancied, whilst drunk.
Absolute madness. This could ruin his entire life, not just his career.

Unless he said “I imagined what it’d be like to bend you over the desk at Apple Tree Primary School” then I don’t see how he brought the school into disrepute! Saying something to someone outside of work, whilst making reference to said job but without the employer name/business name, does not constitute disrepute. If he was wearing clothing with the school name on or his lanyard (which I highly, highly doubt, obviously!) then yes he would be.

This just in from sleazy teacher: "I was outrageously propositioned by the OP when she was very, very drunk. I was uncomfortable that she approached me and demanded I fancy her immediately. Perfectly pleasant married parent. Unmemorable child. But I wouldn't touch her. Even with somone else's. The hrrasment continued and I did say: "I've always wanted you to talk to the Head: Ben Dover. His desk is in the annex to the new sports hall."

There's a code of conduct in every single job.

Teachers are allowed to go out and get pissed.

There is zero plausibility in what you allege a man said to you in a bar while you were drunk.

The Benny Hill show ended years ago.

Nonsense really.

I'm shocked anyone propositioned the OP for several reasons.

It's almost like a man wrote it, isn't it?

Because trial by social media doesn't apply logical thinking (as evidenced by the numerous posts on here which, despite it clearly being stated otherwise in the OP, are suggesting that the guy was trying it on with a pupil/former pupil). There was a case recently where vet was filmed hitting a horse in frustration while attempting to carry out a procedure, and was hounded to the point where he took his own life. I'm using this as an example - so not familiar with the full details of the case, and I'm in no way condoning animal cruelty - but the last time I checked, it didn't come with the death penalty. When I was in school a (very brilliant but socially awkward) teacher got accused of sexually harassing three girls. The outcome was that the allegations were completely unsubstantiated and they had in fact made the whole thing up for a bit of a laugh. It made absolutely no difference as by that point the pitchforks had driven the poor man not just out of his job but out of the country.

Because you're both smug and nasty?

Hey don’t you also have to say “this is why there’s a shortage of teachers, because they can’t even make weird rapey comments to parents at bars” or some stupid shit like that?

OP I’m with you all the way.

Reading some of the other posts literally makes me despair. The lack of critical thinking and understanding and then blaming you for taking issue with a valid issue!

Id be mortified to know the teacher of my young daughter is saying that type of thing to ex-parents at the weekend. The teacher needs to grow up.

It's
Not
Rapey

There is no hope for the next generation, with misogynistic apologists like this around.

Out of interest, given that 89% of people have judged that you are being unreasonable yet you haven't adjusted your position whatsoever, why exactly did you bother posting any of this on a public forum?

Given that you have completely ignored the overwhelming majority of people voting and intend to pursue this matter for "as long as you need", what precisley was your reason for creating the poll / post in the first place? Why waste your time if you are going to disregard the responses?

What exactly do you mean by this?

A flirty pick-up line?

What kind of men are MN posters attracted to?! Blows my mind how low the bar is.

Sorry, "mutual respect" in the context of FBV means not wanting to kill people of different religions. Do you work in education?

This is as daft as the thread about Jelly cat.
Another angry/ frustrated woman determined to prove they’ve right , despite being told by the majority they are not.
smacks of low self esteem.
the need for validation from the school/governers
A dog with a bone attitude.
whatever this ladies are really cross about it isn’t really this …agreed what he said was gross , but that was all.

Until what happens? You get an apology from him? The school? What is going to satisfy you that the matter is over?