Guests wasting food

[PottersMarsBars]

We have a bbq coming up and one of the guests is known for overfilling her plate and only eating a small amount of it. She does it every single time. I don’t feel comfortable saying anything as it might cause friction with the relationship dynamics but seeing an obscene amount of food going into the bin really pisses me off it’s like she’s throwing my money away. On top of that she comes over with empty hands, not that we need anything but I wouldn’t go to someone’s house and not take a bottle of wine with me specially when she drinks a lot. Would it be wrong if I served her instead of letting her serve herself? Not inviting her isn’t an option unfortunately.

It’s annoying but I just wouldn’t make an issue of this.

@HiRen
This reminds me of my cousin.

She lives abroad and we invited her over to the UK. She was quite young at the time (maybe 16?), so wanted to come with her friend, which was fine.

We decided to spoil them both and took them to an afternoon tea at the Ritz (£80 each).

Her friend was clearly the leader and decided to take one small bite of everything, and just put it back! Whats worse, is that my cousin did the same (following her lead)! Huge pile of wasted food. We even 'nudged' them, by asking which one they liked the most, and they simply pointed to one, didn't even finish it, or any single cake (and we're talking small cakes, no bigger than a golf ball each).

And I can't imagine someone having such rude bad manners, filling their plate and leaving it!! Its the height of bad manners, my mum taught me, 'if you take it you must eat it'

It's one meal... relax

I eat meat, but still think that this and other (obviously a lot worse) kind of food waste is a lot of animals that basically had to die for nothing.

She wasn't claiming concern for the environment.

She just doesn't like to see large amounts of food she bought being thrown away. Not at all unreasonably, imo.

It's really rude to pile your plate high at a social gathering even if you end up eating everything, but to load it up to the max and then discard it is completely unacceptable, boorish behaviour.

@PottersMarsBars
My suggestion is small plates for everyone. Or just don't invite this woman.

Fuck a bloody duck 😆😆😆

Literally everyone else at this barbecue seemed to manage. And at several events beforehand. Most people can cope without “fresh leafy salads”. (What are non-leafy salads?!)

It is very bad manners. Unless you pay for the food yourself, you don’t behave like this at someone elses house.

Many BBQS seem to feature coleslaw , potato salad and worst of all pasta ‘salad’ .

But whatever it is the OP is serving, the guest piles it up and leaves it do I dare say she would do the same with rocket and pomegranate. Which is more expensive than potatoes in salad cream.

I haven't had potato salad with salad cream for years!
Sit me in the corner, big bowl. No waste.

I suppose it's annoying like the all you could eat fusion places were. People getting platefuls, don't like it... Another plateful.. Don't like it... I know they've paid and that's the concept, but my manners kick in at some point.

Which is rare.

Where I live quite a few of the more expensive hotels have started with much smaller breakfast plates. I think it’s good.

Your comment is making me think you’re either the rude greedy self absorbed food waster who turns up empty handed or you do the same yourself!!
She does it EVERY time so she knows what the foods like, if it’s a case of not liking her food then she wouldn’t take it in the first place never mind over fill her plate every time then dump most of it!! It’s something kids do, eyes bigger than their bellies and waste it all because they’re not the ones out of pocket paying for it!!

I'd find it very annoying but I don't think you can do anything really.

Same. I know two people who did exactly this and both have raging EDs. They would gush about how amazing the food looks, pile their plates high but literally eat two bites and leave the plate. One was also bulimic because she would drink a huge glass of water with the meal and then disappear to the bathroom for ages, then come back reeking of perfume. It's sad that they don't realise how transparent the behaviour looks but still put on a show at every social event.

There was also a Youtuber I used to watch who clearly had an ED. She would spend so much time in vlogs raving about food and stockpiling sweets, chocolate and advent calendars. However when it came to actually eating the food on camera she would only take the tiniest nibble and you could tell she was struggling to even get that bite down. Or she would spend the entire day cooking, serve herself a huge portion and then only eat half a penne noodle in front of the camera. Then she would make her partner and mother eat the rest claiming she was already full.

I would let the group know that you hate food waste, please be mindful, by all means have a second helping.
I would be embarrassed to waste food that someone had provided, if I filled my own plate. just got a flashback to FIL's servings, a weeks worth of food, I had to leave most of it

i think you need a bit of perspective here. It’s one single plate of food, and trying to control and micromanage your guests’ eating habits is a bit over the top.

That's a good idea or ask guests to select food the day before they arrive -then you won't over-buy.

And, as others have suggested have plenty of jacket potatoes, bread buns, coleslaw to fill them up...

Make it clear they buy their own booze.

As for Ms Fussy-tumtum, ask her if there is any food she really likes. Say that you noticed she didn't eat all the food, so maybe there are some items she would prefer? 🙄

“Big meaty BBQs” 😆😆

A lot of "All you can eat for £X" buffets will now charge you if you leave too much food, and you are warned in advance of this policy...

@latetothefisting
head tilt.

Awwh, bless.

Thank you all for your replies, there are some very good practical suggestions here and I will definitely consider them but those far fetched assumptions like I serve shit food or that my ‘special’ guest has an eating disorder, rest assured neither is true. For the PP that was served coleslaw left outside the fridge overnight, I feel for you, you’re obviously still traumatised about it and I don’t blame you 🤢🤢🤢

My sister and her other half do this. Eyes bigger than their bellies and it really winds me when I see how much they waste between them. Particularly when it’s my poor mum that’s been slaving away and then the food can’t be left for my dad to have for his lunch because it had to go in the bin! They do it at restaurants too, order a meal and loads of sides between them and hardly touch anything (they never pay either). I have taken to telling them every-time we eat together and I notice it now to make them feel awkward. No idea why they do it, they must know they will never finish. I just think some people are bloody greedy to be honest.

I would tell the woman straight ‘the last x amount of times you’ve been round, I’ve noticed you filled your plate and most went in the bin. Please feel free to eat as much as you like, but can you just make up a smaller plate and go back for more, so if you don’t want it someone else can eat it or I can save it for the next day’

Particularly when it’s my poor mum that’s been slaving away and then the food can’t be left for my dad to have for his lunch because it had to go in the bin!

See, that's where she should plate up a few sausages and burgers or whatever and put them to one side out of sight before inviting everyone to dig in.
That's what we do.
So if my Dad's like "don't mind me, I'll have some in a bit after everyone else has had some" then comes back three hours later going "there's nothing left!" 😭🙄😁 (well duh, you snooze you lose 😁) you can just whip his plate out.

Well yes, but the OP doesn't want to set off Armageddon for some reason.....