Guests wasting food

[PottersMarsBars]

We have a bbq coming up and one of the guests is known for overfilling her plate and only eating a small amount of it. She does it every single time. I don’t feel comfortable saying anything as it might cause friction with the relationship dynamics but seeing an obscene amount of food going into the bin really pisses me off it’s like she’s throwing my money away. On top of that she comes over with empty hands, not that we need anything but I wouldn’t go to someone’s house and not take a bottle of wine with me specially when she drinks a lot. Would it be wrong if I served her instead of letting her serve herself? Not inviting her isn’t an option unfortunately.

Haha I once had a friend who hosted some neighbours and left out treats buffet style with little signs saying ‘eat me’, ‘drink me’ - she called me horrified that ‘they ate and drank it all’ 😂😂😂. Some people are just not innately generous enough to be hosts.

It's like a buffet. I was always horrified how greedy some people are, putting so much on their plate and then throwing half or even more. I would always take a little of something I might like and then go for more if I did and if I'm still hungry.
In that case I would just suggest saying something like this:
'Oh you know, we bought/made some new sausages this time, take a little and come for more if you like it. I know there's a lot of sides too, may I suggest you just do a spoon of something you like and come for more if you do. That way everyone can try everything.'

And if it doesn't go - "Sorry hon, we are not happy to dispose food and I would appreciate if you only taje as much you can eat. I am teaching our children to respect food and be grateful for it and I would expect any adult who comes to my house to be respectful too. Thank you for understanding!"

It's not the same. Eaten is one thing. Wasted is another. Respecting food comes from how you were raised.

So you’re being all airy about how you just couldn’t bring yourself to be bothered about food waste… before saying you don’t actually ever waste food, and use party leftovers for lunches etc.?

Maybe the OP would like to use leftovers for lunches. But not when it’s been sat mushed up on someone else’s plate.

And again this is not going to avert the bad feeling that the OP says they want to avoid......

“You’re never going to manage all that surely Majorie!”

”puddings are on their way folks but Marjorie hasn’t finished her mains yet!”

”Are you feeing unwell, Marjorie? You must have been hungry to take all that food but you’ve hardly touched it. Can I get you anything - a taxi home maybe?”

I wouldn’t actually say any of this but I’d be tempted.

There is no any other way. That woman is disrespectful and thick. The OP has every right to expect to be respected in her own house with the food she bought and prepared.

Wanton waste of food really makes me mad. I’d probably feel obliged to say, ‘This time, could you please not take far more than you’re going to eat? The waste really bothers me.’
And if she’s offended, so be it. (Serve her right!)
In some cultures, it’s considered acceptable to do this. I was once at a wedding where the man sitting next to me (Mediterranean culture) took masses of lovely roast lamb from the buffet - and left most of it!
IMO it’s obscene - particularly nowadays, when food prices have soared.

I don’t see why OP needs to avoid bad feelings. She is being put in the position of having her hospitality abused. The person who is causing bad feelings is the guest, who is arriving at a BBQ empty-handed (again) and taking food away from others and throwing it in the bin. If she doesn’t like this being pointed out to her, she can go home to coddle her bad feelings. Why should OP be taking responsibility for this poorly behaved guest’s self-inflicted feelings?

Really, the best course of action is to not invite someone so poorly behaved to your home. They should meet elsewhere, and if for food at a venue where everyone pays for themselves.

Neither do I but as per her post that seems to be what she wants.

I also hate food waste, I’m very open about it.

it sounds like she has issues with food so definitely do not say anything

@Emonade sounds like she has issues with being a poor guest....why would issues with food mean she doesn't bring a bottle but drinks loads?

It really doesn’t. OP has also already confirmed this is definitely not the case.

I'd sit the dogs next to her. If she does want her burger or sausage they'd like it. It wouldn't get wasted.

This would make me so angry.
It's very rude to take food then leave it. Especially if she does it repeatedly.
And to come to someone's house for food and drink and arrive empty handed is a massive NO NO in my book.
It's just really entitled.
I would put her on the spot and serve her. Let others help themselves but not her.
And only offer her soft drinks.
I swear to God with people like this you have to speak their language.
She doesn't care about your standards so why should you worry about offending her ?
She's a peasant.

Only just seen this but to answer, nothing to do with the environment and everything to do with cost and the pure greed and disrespectfulness of a person who thinks this is ok. HTH.

How do you know she doesn’t?

Quite. To me op sounds rude and presumptuous and not at all a good host.

I can’t stand waste either. Ungreatful cow

I’ve seen the same at hotel buffets. Fill their plate to overflowing then pick at it and leave most of it.

Well let her have her issues at her own expense in her own home. Poor thing…
Now everyone has an excuse for their bad behavior..issues with food indeed.

The OP is not a joyless host rather the guest is the joyless one. Why should she consistently take way more food than she knows that she can eat and not bother to ever bring a drink when she obviously consumes plenty. Also being environmentally friendly is just as much about not wasting food as what food you serve.

Have people go to the BBQ to be served the meat/fish individually by the person cooking it. That way, worst case scenario, she wastes a bit of salad etc but can’t help herself to the more expensive items.

Definitely the smaller plates option.

But how rude to not even turn up with a bottle of wine, especially when she likes a drink! That really is CFuckery. If you're having another BBQ, when you issue her an invitation, say 'BTW, it's bring a bottle. We can't keep on supplying all the booze, it's too expensive.'

If she turns up empty-handed, give her a glass of orange squash and say, 'But as you didn't bring any alcohol, we presumed that you didn't want any.' She'll soon get the message.